I want to be best friends first?

DATING ADVICE FORUM

I want to be best friends first?

    Author
    Comments
  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
    December 12, 2017 at 9:20 pm FORUM ANNOUNCEMENT

    Hey DatingAdvice.com forum readers! Just a quick heads up that a few dating sites are offering a FREE trial to DatingAdvice forum readers. Try it now and meet local singles in just a few minutes! Here are the sites:

    Site Who You'll Meet Today's Deal
    Match.com Casual dating for ages 18-65 Get FREE access
    Elite Singles Educated professionals 25 and older Get FREE access
    AFF.com Hookups, casual encounters Get FREE access

    What are you waiting for? One mouse click could be all that stands between you and your next romance!


    likemundeen
    Participant
    June 15, 2014 at 6:04 pm #55376
    I want to be best friends first?

    short version… I met this give about two weeks ago. She liked on of my friends, but then she said she liked me. It was obvious she liked me at first we had kissed and she would tell her friends that I’m the kind of guy she’d like to date. For a week things were great, she wanted to hangout everyday, but I couldn’t because of work. We finally hung out at fire and it was nice I snuck a kiss in and we kissed some more. She liked it… I think. The following week hardly a text from her, and then she asks me to go to her cabin, I did it was fun and the end of the night we talked, she said her last and only relationship ended badly and that the next guy shes with is the one shes going to marry, She told me she was interested in me and that she wanted to be best friends before anything. Does this mean she really likes me, or is she just trying to let me down easy?


    Anonymous
    June 16, 2014 at 12:26 am #55385

    Oh man! “The next guy I date, I am going to marry” scenario…haha…this one makes me laugh, because even with the best of intentions, it’s not a very clear intention. She is probably creating this whole story in her head because her last relationship ended badly. She is probably wanting to be friends first because she believes that being friends first is a healthy way to build a relationship and not have sex too soon….because sex too soon can ruin things. It’s all a beautiful thought and it definitely slows things down, which I am always a fan of by the way. But I am just warning you that if she wants to get married. She is not looking for something light and fluffy….she is attempting to make any guy she is interested in, a test case for her bridal gown. Speaking from experience, it can get a bit messy. I used to think that way and it never served me well. I had to let go of the idea of marriage and that if it showed up one day, awesome….if not, I will be okay.


    Anonymous
    June 16, 2014 at 12:31 am #55386

    The danger here is her attachment to the end result (the wedding day). When someone creates a goal like that, they end up missing the beautiful process of what life can offer. They can lose sight of what is important. I know too many women who have dug their nails in wanting to get married, so they end up marrying a guy that will go on that journey with her vs. marrying a guy that is actually an amazing match for her. I have a friend who so badly wanted to get married by 30, that when he was 29, the girl he was dating at the time, he would not let go of, despite the fact that he was miserable. He married her and is even more miserable. So just be careful and do not get sucked into the idea of marriage with her if you are not ready or are not happy. I suggest to just go along for the ride if you want. She is obviously clear about what she needs from you, so then you decide if you want to offer that or not. That’s how any relationship goes. Requests are made and they are either


    maddiewilson
    Participant
    June 16, 2014 at 12:35 am #55387

    She wants you, but you should be careful with your emotions. Don’t fall for her too quickly because she’s unsure of what her next move is


    Anonymous
    June 16, 2014 at 12:36 am #55388

    accepted or denied by the other person. So the ball is really in your court. Do you want to build a friendship with her? Do you want to get to know her that way? If yes, then hop on the band wagon and have some fun. Then when you have some needs, make a request and let her decide if she wants to offer up what you are asking for. Give it some time. It’s hard to know if you really like someone after just a few weeks. Chemistry is strong, but that is not what sustains. So just take it easy and stop looking for answers that don’t really matter right now. All that matters is that you get to know each other at whatever pace is comfortable for the both of you. Have fun!

    Eyesoftheraven
    Eyesoftheraven
    Participant
    June 16, 2014 at 9:14 pm #55401

    You asked this in another thread, but this sounds like a pretty good situation you’re in if you like her and don’t mind the more serious vibes. Assuming you like her, keep doing what you’re doing while keeping as calm (sexually) as possible for now. Just enjoy her company, remain natural and honest.


    renzen
    Participant
    June 17, 2014 at 12:06 am #55406

    Keep seeing her and let things happen naturally.


    likemundeen
    Participant
    June 17, 2014 at 8:59 am #55409

    Thank you all! The only problem is… I’m not sure how slow taking it slow is. Do I just play the friend role or do I flirt with her?