Ignore previous post: Please reply here – Extreme Baggage

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Ignore previous post: Please reply here – Extreme Baggage

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
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    cekma
    Participant
    November 15, 2017 at 4:19 pm #156509
    Ignore previous post: Please reply here – Extreme Baggage

    Met a woman about a year and a few months ago on tinder, she has 3 kids! She got pregnant in high school in Kentucky, he’s 18. She has 2 more kids and has been divorced for over 2 years. Kids didn’t bother me. We talked a good amount but then the communication just stopped, no biggie, never met up.
    Fast forward to recent: she randomly adds me on face book. She said I came up in the people you may know section and she recognized me right away. We start talking again. Go on a date… it’s great, we keep hanging out, she knows I’m down with her having kids, I’m not wasting her time. I have a very busy work schedule so it’s a nice situation we see each other when we see each other, eventually I’m going to meet her kids, but not for months down a road, we both agree.
    We clearly both really like each other, everything is done with passion, we express it to each other, I’m 35, she is about to be 37, guess we are old enough no one is trying to waste the others time, we start talking a


    cekma
    Participant
    November 15, 2017 at 4:20 pm #156510

    about serious stuff down the road probably much to early but we both really like each other and get caught up. She’s coming to meet my family for Thanksgiving, her family is coming to see her for Christmas, and life is great.

    She tells me about her ex-husband, it’s not good at all, I mean big time not good. A relationship is hard enough, adding kids, let alone not my kids, is another thing that could make it hard at some point. Adding a scumbag ex to all this, makes it much worse. I have my concerns. I decide I’m going to talk to her.

    We go out Friday; we have a great weekend planned. Kids are with the whacky ex for the weekend. We are having a great time, start talking a little serious. I figure well might as well bring it up now in a nice way. I let her know: I’m into this, the kids too, the whole thing


    cekma
    Participant
    November 15, 2017 at 4:20 pm #156511

    . I’m concerned about your ex-husband. He sells drugs, he has mob connections, he beat her up, she has an order of protection – he can’t leave the curb when he drops the kids off. Real scumbag. He drives drunk with the kids, he is trying to teach her son how to steal. He leaves them in a bar and then goes in the back and conducts shady business. I say to her lets say me and you keep seeing each other and this goes great. Maybe he will snap? You have to see my concern. He does something or gets someone to do something to me and or to you.

    She tries to downplay it a little and mentions how a guy she saw for a few months, her ex was aware of and all he cared about was that the guy was nice to the kids. I told her but there’s a difference between her daughter saying to him “daddy – mommy is dating a nice guy”, and “daddy- mommy is engaged” – for all I know he will snap, you can’t tell because he has a bad track record.


    cekma
    Participant
    November 15, 2017 at 4:20 pm #156512

    Not to mention that she should really be getting child services involved knowing she drops her kids off to a bad environment. She’s a good mom but definitely has vented about being a mom for 18 years and will be her whole life but is looking for companionship for herself.

    So she starts to clamp up, gets quiet. I clearly hit a nerve. She decides she wants to go home. She says she will give me a ride. She thinks maybe her past is too much for me, she doesn’t want to keep talking about her past, she is trying to just start fresh. I told her she doesn’t need to give me a ride and she says no she will. She goes to get her coat. I go to bathroom, I didn’t tell her, I text her saying I’m in bathroom, I come out, she’s gone. Vanished. My bag of clothes was in her car. I try to call, I text her asking that she at least lets me home she got home OK. Nothing.


    cekma
    Participant
    November 15, 2017 at 4:21 pm #156513

    . I write to her an hour later a nice message saying I am sorry with how the night went, I did not mean to bring a negative up, I simply really saw a future with her, not just a fling so wanted to discuss it. No response. Blocked me from social media shortly after.

    Not to toot my own horn but I raised the bar of men in her life significantly. She knows what she has in me and thought the world of me, told me she can see how kind and how much of a huge heart I have.

    I know I did absolutely nothing wrong. This was a legit concern that had to be discussed. I brought it up just to talk with her and try to figure things out together. I’d like to believe she’s not mad at me but I hit a nerve and she’s upset about her situation because her past is not going away because this scumbag is attached to her through these kids.


    cekma
    Participant
    November 15, 2017 at 4:21 pm #156514

    I just feel bad with how it ended. I would like to talk to her again at some point to just be on friendly terms, and maybe if she gets her shit together, down the road we could pick it back up. She even a few weeks prior asked me if now was even a good time for me, maybe we should wait, she was really interested but knew I was moving, starting a very exciting phase in my career etc. She would be there to cheer me on and we could rekindle later. I would like to tell her that she was right, now is not the time, but let’s stay friendly and see down the road.

    But it’s up to her to reach out. She literally left me there and with stuff of mine no less – which I never even brought up to her, I don’t care about the stuff, I cared about her even when being ditched.

    The end thanks for reading, I know it was long and I never should have gotten involved in first place.