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Mister JParticipantAugust 19, 2016 at 5:49 pm #108934
I’ve been dating this woman for two years now and we have argued for the past 5 months over anything and everything. She always starts and finishes the arguments. I’m going to be going into the army and she’s given me a really toxic relationship to be in. She said if I died then she would probably hurt and or kill herself. Same goes for if I left her. She’s older than me and out-of school and I’m a senior now. An old flame recently came back whom I never dated but shared immense feeling and love for. I’m mentally confused about everything and want help from you ladies and gentlemen. I just don’t feel the same for my gf and don’t know what to do. I’m her everything she has to live for and it’s tearing me apart.
browneyedgirlParticipantAugust 19, 2016 at 7:43 pm #108938
This is a huge red flag because of two things 1) she is using suicide as a method of control and/or 2) she may have actual mental health issue. I don’t know if you have any contact with your girlfriend’s friends or family members, but if she has texted you any of this or emailed it, I would save it. i would reach out to a friend of hers, and let them know that you are concerned and maybe even forward the message to them. this woman needs help and contacting her friends/family will do either of the two things 1) get her the real mental health help she needs or 2) call her bluff. I would venture on the side of taking her suicidal ideation seriously and reach out to her support group to get help.
Please know that it is not fair for her to threaten you with suicide.Often times this is a sign of relational abuse and you have the right to a safe and health relationship
Mister JParticipantAugust 22, 2016 at 8:47 am #108947
Many thanks for replying. Her parents are POS’s and they could care less about it. But I have talked to her friends and I’m thinking about finding a counselor or something to try and help.
tcoll71ParticipantAugust 24, 2016 at 11:02 am #109420
A friend of mine went through this. He reached out to her friends and the family she was close to. Really all you can do, if she is using it as threat and if you think she will go through with it she may need help.
CanonParticipantAugust 24, 2016 at 2:19 pm #109466
Despite the fact that you’re HER everything, doesn’t mean you have to subject yourself to solely her. I agree with trying to find her any form of help. But for you, try to distance yourself from her as much as possible, maybe not phyically, but definitely emotionally. Especially since you have reconnected with a possible love interest. You don’t want an unstable ex to be the cause of a failed potential significant other.
fRanTiC MasTroParticipantSeptember 1, 2016 at 2:40 pm #110366
You should worry about her safety but ultimately you got to do you. If you’re unhappy you can’t stay with her out of fear of her hurting herself. That helps neither you or her. If you do break up it doesn’t mean you still couldn’t be friends.
Cindy55ParticipantSeptember 1, 2016 at 7:37 pm #110376
You cannot continue with a toxic relationship, when it has to end, it has to.
shrimpgumbo22ParticipantSeptember 2, 2016 at 12:26 pm #110421
You can not worry about her as hard as that is. If you are seriously worried she might hard herself then you can get her help. But she is only hurting you in the process and that isn’t fair.
eveninfiniteParticipantSeptember 2, 2016 at 8:41 pm #110467
It wouldn’t be your fault if she did something, but she most likely will NOT. A lot of people use this as a scare tactic so you’re forced to stay with them. If you are unhappy in the relationship, you need to get out. Also, thank you for serving this beautiful country. 🙂
PhtgrphrParticipantSeptember 3, 2016 at 9:07 pm #110504
I’m sorry you’re going through this, it’s a really hard situation to deal with and I have had a similar experience. Unfortunately, you will never really know how serious she is about these kind of threats, but you should not dismiss them or take them lightly. It’s a severe form of emotional abuse and leads to some extremely toxic feelings. I would say if you’re really worried for her health, that you should contact someone they are close with and tell them the situation, then ask them if they can come and watch her to make sure she’s okay after you break up with her. The other option is to call a mental health line or suicide hotline and request their aid. It’s not ideal either way, but you can’t stay in an abusive relationship like that. I tried, it really doesn’t turn out well for anybody.
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