I'm confusing myself on if I should message this girl who asked for space

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I'm confusing myself on if I should message this girl who asked for space

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  • boopdop
    Participant
    August 30, 2016 at 2:44 pm #109991
    I'm confusing myself on if I should message this girl who asked for space

    Solely based on the title I would agree yes for the love of God give her space. But my situation I feel I’ve made overly complicated just from me probably thinking to much. Long story short I met this girl online through a mutual friend. We connected and after 6 months and a few skype calls she told me she rather just talk to me than the group chat. After talking one on one for awhile I told her I caught feelings for her and asked her out on a date. She graciously let me down easy and told me that she thought distance could be a problem for her (we live 4 hours apart) and she would want to meet me in person first. I said no problem and we became really close friends and I never brought up my feelings for her again. She met another guy who ended up breaking her heart in record time and she was venting to me one night. She told me she felt bad about complaining to me about this guy because of my feelings for her. Here she told me that I’m now the only guy that has lived up to what her…


    boopdop
    Participant
    August 30, 2016 at 2:44 pm #109992

    friends think are to high of standards. I did the friend thing and was just there for her. Not in a way of thinking that if I do this maybe we’ll date or something. I legitimately want to see her be happy. Once she got back from her trip I noticed she started to get a little more distant with me and I was starting to initiate most of the conversations. Then out of no where she tells me that I need to cool off and that she needed space to do her own thing and that she would message me when she was ready to talk again. She then said “I’m not going anywhere I just need time to be alone with my thoughts for a bit”

    My first thought was ok. Take all the time you need, figuring that this would be like 3 day max thing. We are now 9 days in and I really want to check to see how she is doing, but at the same time I don’t want to burst into her needing space. I want to give her what she told me she needs.

    I made the fatal mistake of one day checking social media and found that while she used to always interact with my Facebook updates she no longer does that, but she’ll still interact with the guy that broke her hearts facebook. I know she still follows my stuff (I have a small youtube channel and I know she’s still adding my stuff to her watch later playlist. Now that I’ve gone down the rabbit hole I’m now debating if I should send her a short message not really initiating a conversation just letting her know I’m still here for her, or if I should really just wait for her to send the message first to let me know she is now ready.

    I hope I haven’t messed anything up with her. It wasn’t like I was pestering her with message after unanswered message everyday. I just really miss talking with her. Any suggestions would be helpful. I’m teetering on the 50/50 on sending the message, just when my gut comes up with something to say, another part of my gut says to just wait it out, and I don’t know what to listen to anymore.

    • This reply was modified 3 months ago by  boopdop. Reason: adding addition background

    MrTheRat
    Participant
    August 30, 2016 at 5:45 pm #110014

    I’m certainly not an expert, but I’d give her a few more days then investigate this very carefully. You’ll be walking through the minefield but at the other side is her.


    boopdop
    Participant
    August 31, 2016 at 9:19 am #110018

    Also when was the last time you saw her in person, and when you did see her in person how did it go?

    We never got the chance to get together. We had plans but she had to rain check since one of her best friends from her home town (Washington state) was going to be in town.I know it sounds like an excuse but that really was the case and this girl doesn’t have a history of lying about anything. She’s always been straight forward with me. I told her it wasn’t a problem and we would find another day. We Skyped instead and the conversation seemed to be fine. Nothing out of the ordinary.

    On a timeline basis between me asking her out and now she had been on vacation overseas so not many opportunities have come up, but she did seem legitimately excited when I told her I wouldn’t mind making a detour through her town on my way back up to school.


    boopdop
    Participant
    August 31, 2016 at 9:20 am #110019

    I’m certainly not an expert, but I’d give her a few more days then investigate this very carefully. You’ll be walking through the minefield but at the other side is her.

    I am certainly worried about stepping on a mine and permanently screwing something up. I’m fine with giving her space, it’s just the not knowing for how long and not knowing where we are at.

    a week after the her breakup when things seemed to calm down I asked her if it was ok for me to ask where I stood with her and she said something along the lines of “Absolutely that’s a fair question, I don’t really know where we stand right now I’m trying to get over (name of guy) once I’m over him I can explore other feelings”

    I originally thought that why she was asking for space so she could think alone and spend time to get over this dude, but now I don’t know.


    boopdop
    Participant
    August 31, 2016 at 9:20 am #110020

    MrTheRat: I am certainly worried about stepping on a mine, especially since I don’t really know where I’m at in her mind. I’m sure I’m not in deep shit or anything. She didn’t seem to be angry in any of our conversation before she asked for space, but I want to be sure I didn’t mess something up just in case. If I knew that I had to give her space for 2 weeks and then everything would go back to the way things were I’d agree in a heartbeat. It’s the not knowing that’s killer.