I'm overthinking everything

DATING ADVICE FORUM

I'm overthinking everything

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  • AlexxA
    Participant
    May 1, 2017 at 10:01 am #134990
    I'm overthinking everything

    I went on a date with a guy from online. We had the best time. We talked for three weeks beforehand, texting and on the phone. After the date he seemed really into me and we talked an talked too. We had a second date yesterday and it wasn’t super great like the first. It was awkward and rushed,a as he had plans with a friend. Now I am in the mindset that I want him to like me and I think I’m becoming desperate. I want to get to know him naturally and let things progress. I started freaking out yesterday thinking things are bad and it’s over and overly paranoid. Today he’s texting me like nothing is wrong, because most likely he’s fine and thinks everything is great and I don’t.


    AlexxA
    Participant
    May 1, 2017 at 10:02 am #134991

    I’m falling into the mindset that I have to get him to like me and I need to text him to make sure he responds and I’m being clingy. I keep searching for every little thing trying to find out if he likes me or not. It’s not a healthy way to be. When he first started talking to me he was chasing a bit. It was nice. He was texting me a lot and asking about me a lot. I’m slowly seeing that shift into me pining over him, because I like him. I need to stop this behavior because I think it will ruin things. I’m having such a hard time. I see myself getting to the point where I am not living my life for me, but for him. Not totally being myself and being what I think he wants.

    Like right now I have not heard from him in a little over an hour. He’s at work and is probably busy, but I find myself obsessively checking my phone. And freaking out about it. I keep obsessing that we don’t have another date planned yet and I need to see him as soon as possible so I feel secure. I need help!


    eddieb
    Participant
    May 1, 2017 at 11:18 am #135000

    You’ve answered your own questions here. You know the potential problems. Desperate is not good and yes, it can ruin it.Desperate is bad, so don’t come across as desperate and launch a text every five minutes or even hint that you think that your second date wasn’t great. Just pretend the second date didn’t happen or was like the first one. Depending on your style, wait a little bit or maybe send a text or two suggesting a third date, but don’t overdo it or sound TOO eager. At the same time, don’t overcompensate and act like you don’t care.

    In other words, act like you had a really great date and wanted another, but that you aren’t obsessive and clingy and you have a full life already and aren’t thinking about him every second of the day and planning your life around him. You want him thinking “This girl’s cool and not high maintenance”.