I'm torn between staying together or breaking up. Please help!


I'm torn between staying together or breaking up. Please help!

  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    February 11, 2017 at 1:03 am #126560
    I'm torn between staying together or breaking up. Please help!

    I’ve been in a relationship since November of last year. We’re both freshmen in college. He asked me to be his girlfriend before I was ready but I said yes because I didn’t want to pass up the opportunity. I haven’t been comfortable about the relationship since the beginning. I wasn’t over my ex and have trust issues and also like to be alone, but I was hoping it would change. I’m trying to figure out if breaking up is for the best. There are things that make me think we’re not compatible like I really don’t like how he smells, he interrupts sometimes and isn’t always a good listener, and he’s emotionally dependent on me for happiness. I really like him though because he’s a devout Catholic, I can trust him, he’s honest, and he makes it really clear that he cares about me and compliments me frequently. I love his family too. I’ve talked to him about my concerns and he says he just wants me to be comfortable and the decision to break up or stay together is up to me. I’m completely torn.

    February 11, 2017 at 8:15 pm #126577

    yeah.. there’s a lot to be torn about there. but let’s break down your comments more specifically (rather than in a big foggy ball) and youll see a pattern.

    The reasons you want to stay with him:
    1. he’s honest
    2. you can trust him
    3, he makes it clear he cares abou you
    4. you like his family.

    did you notice that not 1 time did you say anything about how you like him specifically or there is something about him that sets him apart or how much you want him specifcially? its just not there.

    you sound like you’re with him b/c you feel like you’re supposed to be or should want to be with him (which inherently says you’re not into him). No?

    A lot of people make the mistake of being with the person that wants to be with them most – and it never works out. in the end, the only relationship that will work for you and make you happy – is the one you want to be in because you wnt to be with THEM (of course they need to want to be with you too).

    that is ominously missing.

    February 12, 2017 at 3:05 pm #126611

    This is just from personal experience! I was with a guy for 5 years and started having doubts. Eventually those doubts grew larger and we had already moved in together and bought a dog. Something always told me he wasn’t the one. Then, I met my current boyfriend and I am head over heels in love with him and so happy I took over a year off from dating. I say keep him close as a friend, but be open to other things

    July 8, 2017 at 10:31 am #141406

    I’m in the same boat here, I’ve been with this guy for nearly a year and a half now and we’ve traveled a lot together (we started dating in feb. of 2016). He’s been really great and so on but, I am just not feeling it anymore. I’m currently on a trip with him and we’ve started planning things together like our future spring breaks (we’re in college). I just don’t want to leave him, we’ve built our life together and I’m afraid to leave it now. I have nothing to turn to, all of my hobbies are his. He got me into lifting and that’s my life now, I don’t have any other hobbies or things I can do with him. I’ve never been away from him for long period of time and I’m unsure about how we are together. Also, I’m starting to get bored, worried that we’ll breakup over something stupid, or that something will happen and he’ll cheat. I don’t know what to think.
    I’ve spoken with him and he tells me all of the time that it’ll be okay but, he never says anything more.
    Any suggestions for me?

    July 9, 2017 at 4:21 am #141422

    If you trust him thats good relationships are built on trust. I ould say dont be scared and see if but go slow.. you have a lot to gain and little to lose if you are right. Life is short – take a chance. Live Love Laugh

    July 9, 2017 at 10:11 am #141430

    Based on what you say, @katelyncov, it appears that you should break up with him .If you’re bored, you’re bored – move on, there are other people out there to meet and see and keeping yourself tied down in one relationship simply because you’re afraid of what could be next is not a good decision.
    To the point of Taurus72, trust is good but, based on what I’m hearing in your description – you don’t really trust him. You’re paranoid and afraid of what he might do and you don’t even really trust him to help you when you need help.

    July 9, 2017 at 10:12 am #141431

    @katelyncov: It’s ultimately your decision but, a long term relationship means nothing if you still don’t trust him or you start getting bored so, i’d suggest you leave and move on. You’re in college, you’ll have plenty of time to meet someone. It’s likely you’ve met someone already and just pushed them away because of this other guy. If there’s a guy out there that has shown you time and time again he cares, he was always there and willing to help, and never left your side while you were in this other relationship – he’s a gem. You should find him and, if it’s not too late, try to fix things with him and maybe that’ll help you find your way out of this issue. The light at the end of the tunnel, so to speak.

    July 10, 2017 at 2:32 pm #141566

    @katelyncov, does that help you out? Feel free to post any other questions you might have here too – I hate to hear about someone like you, so much in the future but, you give it all up because you’re scared of the guy your with or your afraid to take a chance. Hopefully this helps you understand things a little bit more and helps you make a choice.