In a messy situation with a sort-of ex

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In a messy situation with a sort-of ex

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    gayfabme
    Participant
    February 18, 2013 at 12:37 pm #22896
    In a messy situation with a sort-of ex

    I am in a very messy situation, and I don’t know what to do. Last summer, I fell head over heels in love, and the first couple months with this girl were wonderful. However, it became increasingly clear that not only was she not out, she was terrified of the idea of being in a serious gay relationship, and after about 6 months she decided she should try dating guys to see if that would work for her, and she could be “normal”.

    We decided to technically ‘take a break’ from being a couple so she could explore this, but we still continued to act pretty much the same with each other, even continuing to sleep together until about 2 months ago. It’s been rocky, as she keeps saying she wants to be plutonic with me, but she gets mad when I go along with that, and keeps pushing us back toward romantic things.

    For the past few months, she’s gotten really nasty toward me about 90% of the time, constantly putting me down, saying I’m doing everything wrong, and complaining about everything I do. I feel I’m very selfless with her and subvert my own needs and wants for her, but she appreciates nothing and nothing is good enough for her. I still love her, but I’m sick to death of the drama, and no matter what I do, she still picks fights with me almost every time we talk. I’m so tired of it, but I keep hoping I’ll see that sweet, wonderful woman I fell in love with again, so I keep holding on.

    Is there anything I can do? I feel like an idiot for putting up with her constant attacks on me, but I attribute a lot of it to her extreme stress level at work and her confusion over her sexuality. I feel like she’s damaging my self esteem by putting me down all the time, but I love her and don’t want to give up on her.

    What should I do?

    kellyanne
    kellyanne
    Participant
    February 19, 2013 at 11:30 am #23011

    Sounds like you like the idea of being the first girl in her life to be there when she comes out. You like the idea of being her support system and although you’ve carried all her issues on your shoulders, she’s yet to be appreciative.

    I say, dump the load of nonsense on her front porch. show her you mean business. Tell her you care about her and you’re willing to help but the fact that she keeps knocking you down is not fair. It might be tough on her and it might cause another fight (because she’s the weaker one) but once she settles down and realizes how wonderful you’ve been to her, she’ll see nobody has helped her as much as you have. It’s risky but I think you can find a way to distance yourself enough to prove a point. you’re being stepped on and unless that’s a relationship you like, you’ll always be the doormat.

    bubblyjo
    bubblyjo
    Participant
    February 25, 2013 at 1:17 pm #23550

    I think she’s putting you down and being nasty because she doesn’t know what she wants. Seems like a young girl who still doesn’t have her emotions in line and is taking it out on you.

    It’s really your choice to be sticking around and taking the beating. Since she can’t see past her nose, she’s not at fault. I think you are. I say you walk away too. You’re only hurting yourself so don’t take this emotional abuse for any longer…

    WhitneyR
    WhitneyR
    Participant
    February 26, 2013 at 6:36 pm #23690

    I have to admit I behaved this way with one of my gfs. I think it was from insecurity and also being scared. There’s so much pressure and when you’re younger, you don’t know how to handle it. It’s hard because you want to be there for her but she’s being rude, I guess I would apologize on her behalf, because I’ve done that and didn’t realize how badly I was treating my gf AND my best friends. I’m sure you can find a way to sit her down and talk to her. It took one of my best friends to basically say “stop being a bitch” to notice how ridiculous I was acting…


    Tia798
    Participant
    March 6, 2013 at 6:03 pm #24822

    What is it that you’re “complaining” about in her eyes? Like, what are some things she claims you’re doing so wrong?

    BabyTrucker
    BabyTrucker
    Participant
    February 5, 2016 at 2:13 pm #93000

    Wish I could say let her go but then I’d have to say the same to myself.


    wanting2getitright
    Participant
    April 9, 2016 at 2:17 pm #97394

    It’s applaudable for you to stick by this girl’s side during her transition and coming to accept herself, but I would put it all out there (in a calm way) and tell her she’s pushing you away. She may not even realize what she’s doing and how badly it is affecting you.


    Zangetsu
    Participant
    April 10, 2016 at 2:35 am #97406

    I’m sorry, I agree with everyone else here.

    Voyager
    Voyager
    Participant
    April 24, 2016 at 9:06 pm #98645

    I agree. Leave and let her sort herself and her sexuality out. You sound like a decent person and she should know that you’re a decent person. It’s now her responsibility to win you back if she wants to be with you again.


    Lauren
    Participant
    June 9, 2016 at 10:10 am #102571
    Reply To: In a messy situation with a sort-of ex

    I think you need to move on and focus on your own happiness


    T_na
    Participant
    June 9, 2016 at 4:26 pm #102616
    Reply To: In a messy situation with a sort-of ex

    Nothing comes before your own happiness. Give yourself priority


    stein
    Participant
    July 18, 2016 at 10:56 am #105586
    Reply To: In a messy situation with a sort-of ex

    This is a no brainer, girl. Respect yourself! Dump the bitch – I mean, totally. No one who has any self respect would put-up with the kind of junk this babe is throwing your way. Dump her – unless you like being a treated horribly. In which case, definately continue.


    Uphill21
    Participant
    July 26, 2016 at 2:12 pm #106681
    Reply To: In a messy situation with a sort-of ex

    I agree, let her go. It is honorable that you want to be there for her, but you cannot allow yourself to be mistreated. It is not selfish to ensure you are respected and appreciated.