Is he giving mixed signals? Please help.

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Is he giving mixed signals? Please help.

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    jet8419
    Participant
    August 11, 2014 at 9:46 pm #59224
    Is he giving mixed signals? Please help.

    I’m confused about a guy I’ve known for a few years. I would say we are close acquaintances as we occasionally work on projects together (we are in the same profession but different workplaces). Over 18 months, we have gone out to dinner a few times, with him giving the reason of having work matters to discuss, but our conversations usually end up with him asking about my personal life, hobbies etc and talking about himself. Our last dinner was 2 weeks ago, 1 year after we last met and this time, he asked about my dating life, if I’ve got a boyfriend, why/why not and whether I want a boyfriend. He told me he broke up with an ex 7 months ago and he thinks a girl who is more intelligent will suit him better (he ever told me before he thinks I’m extremely intelligent). He then asked what kind of guy I’m looking for and which traits I can’t stand because he wants to know me better as “we are friends and friends should learn more about each other”. So does he like me? Or just being nosey?


    just_chilling7089
    Participant
    August 12, 2014 at 8:00 pm #59313

    Duh he likes you, but if you work together he may just being cautious.


    jet8419
    Participant
    August 18, 2014 at 8:49 am #59522

    To add on, I’m confused because he doesn’t initiate texts and sometimes takes days to reply (while he’s pretty quick when asking me out or planning where to go). I suggested joining him in a sport (something he’s already doing) and he’s agreed but haven’t heard from him since he said he’s got to miss some sessions. He sometimes calls me “mate” too. I don’t know if I should text him again because he’s a workaholic and I don’t wish to be too pushy but I really do like him. So I’m in the friendzone?


    diva820
    Participant
    August 18, 2014 at 8:12 pm #59594

    Jet841, it definitely sounds like there is interest there. Watch your anxiousness because you don’t want to come across as desperate or needy. But on your next date or (friendly outing), why not just ask him. I mean, back into the conversation if directness is not your style, but this way you will know without trying to figure it out. Or you can be subtle with your flirting but enough so he knows you are interested.

    If you decide to ask him and he says no and asks why you inquired, tell him you value the friendship and based on the last conversation and the types of questions he asked, you wanted to know. If he says yes, then I guess you all need to move forward.

    Another thought, does he think maybe you are sending mixed signals, which is why he may not initiate texts? Is he a texter? How long after the last date did you reach out to him or he contact you? Timing is everything. He may be actively dating if he thought you may not be interested from the last conversation.


    jet8419
    Participant
    August 20, 2014 at 10:07 am #59708

    Thanks diva820, I’m not sure if I’m sending him mixed signals – I was sick on our last date and wasn’t really talking much. I texted him the next day asking if he was ok and hoped he didn’t catch my germs but he didn’t reply. texted him again 2 days later and this was the conversation –
    Me: We should hang out a bit more cos I wanna know u better too and… see you play golf! What do you think?
    Him: Well, that depends if you play golf…
    Me: I have played it before, plus heaps of other sports, can’t be that difficult 😛
    Him: Hmmm… So you want to play golf with me?
    Me: Well if my schedule fits, I can give it a try
    (Silence for 2 days)
    Me (after 3 days): Hello, So did you get my last msg?
    Him: So I play golf on Sat mornings if you are keen? But I have to miss the next 2 sessions…
    Me: I’ve got work on Sat till Sept so I prob can’t make it until I finish up… Where do u play at? (Silence for 16 days)
    Me (today):Hey when r u next playing golf? (Read msg at 10pm but no reply)


    diva820
    Participant
    August 20, 2014 at 10:46 am #59714

    Interesting. Not sure what he’s doing, but I think you’ve done your part to initiate a golf date and express interest. The ball is on his greens (pun intended) so consider not texting him again. If he does text you, you can reply back (but not immediately) and ask him to call you. It may be better to communicate on the phone. Intent can get lost in a text message and leave you hanging so a phone or in person conversation may get you the answers you seek. And, you should probably try dating other people because it’s highly likely that he may be dating which is why the lapses in his responses. That doesn’t mean he’s not interested, but he may be seeing what all is out there, or he could have gotten back with his ex and it’s iffy so he’s doing enough to keep you around. The bottom line is, are you happy with this progress, is this an indication of his communication style and are you okay with this? Just don’t ignore your gut instinct.


    jet8419
    Participant
    August 20, 2014 at 7:11 pm #59758

    Yes, I agree with you to stop texting him even though I really like him. He probably is dating someone even though he said he isn’t and has cut off all contact with his ex because he can’t stand her. He is usually very quick with work related emails / texts and slow with personal texts but not as slow as this time. I’m ok with communication via text (cos that is how we’ve been arranging our “outings” since he fumbles when trying to ask me out over the phone or in person even though he displays traits of an alpha male). Well, like you mentioned, timing is key – if we aren’t meant to be, I’ll accept it (even though part of me hope that he’s just being cautious and thinking of how not to screw things up) since I’ve already tried my best.


    kajla00007
    Participant
    August 21, 2014 at 6:28 am #59769

    Yes..i think he likes you.He is trying to know more about you.


    jet8419
    Participant
    August 21, 2014 at 8:57 pm #59845

    I hope so too, but seems like the signs are gearing towards lack of interest (still no reply from him after 2 days), so time to forget about him.


    Anonymous
    August 25, 2014 at 5:03 am #59965
    Reply To: Is he giving mixed signals? Please help.

    you’re just worried that he might leave one day, getting the right advice is important.

    bits1366
    bits1366
    Participant
    August 28, 2014 at 3:32 am #60277
    Reply To: Is he giving mixed signals? Please help.

    If a guy is interested it will not take him 2 days, 3 days or 16 days to reply back. Maybe some of them try to play hard to get or give you a challenge every once in a while, but they will initiate something at some point, unlike this guy. I think he likes you , but just as a friend. my opinion. If you liked someone, would you leave their message unanswered for that long? no. so same with guys.


    Finlay1211
    Participant
    August 29, 2014 at 5:21 am #60346
    Reply To: Is he giving mixed signals? Please help.

    I think he likes you.


    jet8419
    Participant
    September 28, 2014 at 9:05 am #64959
    Reply To: Is he giving mixed signals? Please help.

    Update: So there was no contact since my last text 1 month ago about golf since he completely ignored me and I’d since forgotten about him. A few days ago, he suddenly texted me asking if I’m still job hunting (I told him before I’m looking for a new job and he knows that I’m hoping to get into his company for better career prospects) and hurried me to send him my CV without telling me anything else. 3 days later, when I followed up on this vacancy, it turns out to be a job in another organisation which he reckons will be good for me plus manageable travelling time. He then mentioned he has a few suggestions to offer about editing my CV before I apply for the job. Now what I’m unhappy about is, why is he even checking my CV and why did he assume I want that job? He’s kind to help improve my CV but he was also quite sarcastic over the phone when commenting on my mistakes, yet he wants to check the edited CV again before I apply for my next job. What’s wrong with him??


    diva820
    Participant
    September 28, 2014 at 10:02 am #64960
    Reply To: Is he giving mixed signals? Please help.

    This is interesting. Consider what is most important to you related to this guy. Can he help you find another job as a mentor, friend or colleague? Or are you intrigued by his possible but awkward-acting interest in you? Regarding a job, if he is someone who is respected in your field and has some influence, it sounds like he may be trying to be helpful. Keep all conversations and communications strictly professional and about the job search. It is common that if someone refers you for a job and you send them your resume or CV they will review because their referral or recommendation is a reflection of them, so not sure you should take offense to him reviewing it. Again, it sounds like he may be trying to be helpful. Only you know what type of person he really is so you have to judge if his help is sincere. Lastly, don’t play his games. Have no expectations. If he’s interested, let him pursue you legitimately. Otherwise, keep it professional.


    jet8419
    Participant
    September 28, 2014 at 8:54 pm #64975
    Reply To: Is he giving mixed signals? Please help.

    He’s very influential in our field and has a wide network of contacts. That company he’s talking about is one which his good friend works in, so I don’t see how my CV will have an impact on him. Besides, he’s not even telling his friend about me plus he’s also not my professional referee. I’ve got other influential mentors who are helpful but they only go as far as ringing the organisation to find out about vacancies, and then tell me to submit my CV directly without wanting to check it first. He’s definitely very helpful but from a professional POV, I thought he was rude from a few silly things he did:
    1. Being secretive about the job
    2. Posting the link to the job ad on my FB timeline (which I removed)
    3. Passing sarcastic remarks “Why haven’t you got MS office on your PC? Do you live in a cave?” “1 page on the CV represents 10 years of experience – you’ve got 9 pages i.e. 90 years, that’s incorrect.”
    Yes, I’m keeping everything professional but can’t understand his rudeness?