Is HE right or am I ?


Is HE right or am I ?

  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    April 15, 2016 at 3:30 pm #97945
    Is HE right or am I ?

    My boyfriend works with a girl whois kind of the office “flirty” blonde girl. Their text and emails are of flirty nature. They got out of hand in the past (although he said he was just being friendly) and I made him promise to keep any communication with her work related only. He promised he would. But eventually I found out he was hiding and deleting messages between her and him. So, trust was broken. Shes married so thats his excuse and he says he’s just being a nice guy and that he should be allowed to have “friends”. Recently, I found a pic he sent her (PG rated) but he asked her if the pic got her all hot and bothered. He said he was just friendly joking with her. Anyways, his Birthday party is coming up. I told him I wasn’t comfortable with her coming. He told me I was out of my mind. So he invited her. So, I said OK well that makes me uncomfortable so I won’t be there. He is outraged I won’t come to his party. Do I need to lighten up or does he need to care about my feelings?

    April 16, 2016 at 12:57 am #97976

    He needs to show respect, you trust him of course but you are a woman who understands those games. If he is mature and truly loves you, he will respect that.

    April 16, 2016 at 7:12 am #97988

    He shouldn’t have invited her if it makes you uncomfortable. There wouldn’t be a problem inviting her if there wasn’t any history of these flirty messages so that’s where the main issue is I think. Guys can be flirty with women they work with and it doesn’t have to mean anything, but sending a picture and comments like that isn’t as innocent as he says. You need to talk with him and tell him you are very uncomfortable with his behavior with her and he needs to make a choice.

    April 16, 2016 at 3:11 pm #98006

    You need to end the relationship because he has been disrespectful to you by crossing the line with this co-worker by flirting with her,deleting e-mails from their conversation, not caring that all this makes you feel uncomfortable,sending a pic of himself ASKING this woman if the pic got her hot. Now if that isn’t enough to make you leave this guy…then you’re just in for more hurt from him. He is WRONG and you are RIGHT in feeling the way that you do BUT remember you can’t make a grown person do what you want…he will do what he wants to do.You need to just end it.It will not stop.Obviously he doesn’t understand the respect and trust that needs to happen in a relationship.You stated that you feel that he has already broken his trust with you by lying to you about keeping the conversations between them professional….End it now and find someone who respects you and understand where you’re coming from. Trust me…if it was YOU being flirty with some guy at work…he would have a cow

    May 10, 2016 at 12:40 pm #100060

    Thank you all. I endedup going to the party. Not because I forgave him. But moreso because I couldn’t stand the thought of her being there and me not knowing what was going on. She did give him a card and in it she said she said she was happy she could consider him a “brother” now because they’ve grown so close. When he talks about her to me he says it’s business only and he hardly ever talks to her. He hugged everyone goodbye at the party but didn’t hug her and they both did this sorta head nod and smile (because they knew I wouldn’t like a hug). Before the party happened he texted her a heads up that I’d be there. He didn’t text anyone else that. Anyways, after the party we had a long talk about my uncomfortableness with her in his life as more than just a co-worker. I also addressed that they should not be as close as for her to call him a brother! I was like, where did that come from? You definitely downplay your relationship with her with me.” I told him that I cannot handle it

    May 10, 2016 at 12:46 pm #100063

    So, he defended his turf that he could be friends with who he wants and I continued mine that I would not be part of his life if SHE was. He continued to say I was crazy. When I actually start to walk away from the relationship though he begs and pleads and tells me how I’m right and how he was selfish.
    Well, so after his begging and pleading. (because I started to walk away). I decide to give him another chance and have “faith in him one more time” as he tells me to. So.. in an odd turn of events SHE ends up having a party this past weekend. He comes to me with it and says she’s having a party and he was invited and would like to go. I was like “WTF, of course it’s not OK for you to go we’ve been over this.” I then did my whole talk/argument AGAIN on how I was done for good if he went and I shouldn’t even have to be dealing with this again!! He stood his ground about how I was being insecure, etc…. So in a rage I got upset and was like FINE JUST GO THEN IF THAT’S WHAT YOU WANT

    May 10, 2016 at 12:55 pm #100064

    Then after the argument like a day goes by and we’re fine again and I’m certain he’s not going to the party. I even forgot all about the party (It wasn’t for like another week). ..A week later (party day) he tells me he’s going to his friend Ben’s house to help with a home project. Well, he did and we were texting throughout the day and on phone as usual. I had to go to my niece’s school play though, so I did, and afterwards I text him and asked what he’s doing and he says he’s grabbing a bite to eat and I asked where and with who? And he proceeds to say “At Lindsey’s party, I told you about this a week ago.” I texted “Seriously?” And he was like “You told me I should just go!” (Now that’s a cop-out he knew I was upset and angry and under any circumstances if he actually goes we are DONE.) So, I haven’t spoken to him since. And that was 3 days ago. He’s called, emailed, texted, sent flowers to my front door, and even sent me a youtube video of him singing a song begging me back.

    May 10, 2016 at 1:04 pm #100065

    I still haven’t answered him. His messages contain everything from him saying he has a right to have friends and I need counseling to him singing on youtube to me that he was wrong,selfish, and sorry. He also is dangling fun trips we could be taking to California (I’m from east coast now), camping trips coming up, etc…and how he can’t imagine doing anything without me and how he wants us to work on this. He says we don’t talk or communicate which is completely untrue. He knows exactly how I feel and I know exactly how he feels. We always come to a compromise/agreement and then he doesn’t uphold it and then he plays dumb like we didn’t communicate it enough. I love him so much but he is killing me with his broken promises all of the time. He’s so great otherwise though. He treats me like a princess and is affectionate and loving and tender and giving etc…. but he is also selfish. How do I make him see that if he just wasn’t so selfish then I’d WANT to continue the relationship?

    May 11, 2016 at 1:28 pm #100173

    I think you should really let him choose. I mean hes really becoming disrespectful to you. Sending her pics and saying this is definietly being more than friendly..

    May 11, 2016 at 4:31 pm #100199
    Reply To: Is HE right or am I ?

    So because you decided to cave in….you ended up being even more disrespected. He’s calling you crazy because he doesn’t want to admit to you that you are right about his behavior. You can’t change anyone.He will continue to want to hang out with this person and there is nothing you can do about it…oh..wait…you can get the hell out of the relationship and NOT give a damn about who he decides to hang out with and you will be in a much better place.That’s what you can do.

    • This reply was modified 2 years ago by  coldturkey. Reason: left out word

    May 12, 2016 at 10:42 pm #100311
    Reply To: Is HE right or am I ?

    This guy does not care about your feelings about it. If he is sending other girls pics then he definitely doesn’t care about you. I would have done the same thing and left him, but that’s just me personally

    May 13, 2016 at 2:01 pm #100349
    Reply To: Is HE right or am I ?

    I think you did the right thing. They may never take their flirting to a physical level but to me anything you have to hide from the one you are supposed to be committed to, you already know is wrong and bad enough. Find someone who deserves you and if it is really him, he will change his ways and in time prove it to you.