Is it over before it started?

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Is it over before it started?

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    someguy
    Participant
    July 22, 2015 at 3:26 pm #83142
    Is it over before it started?

    Hi,

    I’ll try and keep this as short as I can… I have been single for years and have only had a couple of relationships in the past, which were rocky to say the least. Back in February I was misdiagnosed by my doctor a few times for extreme pneumonia in both my lungs and septicaemia and I ended up in hospital for just under three months, almost loosing my life on two occasions.

    During recovery, I started chatting to a guy on Skype (we had actually chatted before, we met on a fetish related website, which I guess adds another depth to whatever this is – and he popped up out of the blue again asking how I was).

    Things took off steadily, we exchanged numbers and started chatting daily. We’ve been talking for around two months now, either via text/WhatsApp, a phone call after work or a video call on Skype. From the start we’ve been open with each other about what we want and I have honestly never chatted to someone who is so charming, handsome, genuine and connects with me on such a level. We both share so many interests.

    When talking about meeting up, we’d discuss the things we’d do, he’d ask me if I wanted to stay one night or two and it’s up to me depending on how ‘many nights of cuddles I’d like’ (sickeningly cute). I guess herein lies the issue. He teaches and half way through this period of chatting he started holiday (due to the end of the school period). His weekends were booked up with plans, he travelled to Spain (still managed to call and chat all the time) and to Jerusalem. As a compromise, I’d said I don’t mind at all coming down through the week, just give me a date (he lives in London, I’m from Leeds). We’d chatted about meeting next month, things were rearranged and I guess when chatting about meeting up we’d go round in circles. He’s asked me to go to Barcelona with him in August (now I don’t know if he’s just ‘saying that’, with no commitment to follow through) and then that when we do meet it should only be for the day… I thought maybe I was being too pushy with asking to meet, on a few separate occasions, but he’s always said he can’t wait to meet me, or he’s thinking about me and that it’s sad I’m not down there to cuddle in the night.

    On Monday he rang me twice while I was at work, so couldn’t answer, but ended up messaging later. He was wanting to know about one of my status updates and I just told him that a few things were getting to me and he doesn’t need to worry and he has always said it’s best to be open and upfront so after he asked what things I told him I’m just not in a good place at the moment and he asked if I wanted him to stop talking to me for a while, which isn’t what I wanted at all, so I said so – (I guess when we first started talking, he took me out of the bad place I was in). His reply was a blunt ‘ah ok’. I told him I hoped it wasn’t what he wanted and he said that we were good and later on that night I asked him about meeting again later on and he said that he knows he’s been really bad about meeting up but he doesn’t feel comfortable meeting anyone at the moment and that it won’t take him long to sort himself out, honest’, at which point I asked him what had changed and he says he just isn’t happy about the way his body looks and the he knows I say I don’t care about that, but he does and he will be happier meeting when he’s lost a little weight, which just sounded… I don’t know, silly, like a lie? I mean, he’s always spoken about meeting up and I’m feeling so insecure about myself right now, but I wan’t to meet him so much more than I care about how my body looks and I said to him to be open and honest with me, was this the only reason he didn’t want to meet yet? Then he said he just needs some ‘me / sort me out time’, which really hurt me. I told him that I’m really sorry he feels that way and I respect the fact he didn’t want to meet, which he responded with ‘I do want to meet you, just not while I am like this. I just don’t feel I would be that comfortable or enjoy it as much as we can’, so I ended up replying, telling him that I don’t feel attractive right now either (I’m on steroid medication from a fever of unknown origin after being in hospital, it’s had some side effects on my looks) but I care more about meeting him than how my body looks and that he can take as much time as he needed… We haven’t spoken in three days since then and we’re used to chatting daily.

    I guess I just feel really hurt at the moment and silly for letting myself get so attached to someone Ive not even met. It sounds ridiculous, but I really started falling hard for him even though we were communicating via Text/video or phone call. I feel lead on and I’m so scared that I’ve been too pushy wanting to meet up and ended up pushing him away. I know he meets with people on Grindr, which upsets me too and i know that’s silly because we’re not in a relationship, but if he is so concerned about meeting because of his body issues (which he has nothing to worry about, he is perfect) then why can he meet such guys on Grindr and not me? I don’t know what to say or do. Is ‘alone time’ over time?

    (If you’ve gotten this far, really appreciate you reading, sorry for the length).

    • This topic was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by  someguy. Reason: Wouldn't fit on one post

    someguy
    Participant
    July 22, 2015 at 3:26 pm #83143

    on such a level. We both share so many interests.

    When talking about meeting up, we’d discuss the things we’d do, he’d ask me if I wanted to stay one night or two and it’s up to me depending on how ‘many nights of cuddles I’d like’ (sickeningly cute). I guess herein lies the issue. He teaches and half way through this period of chatting he started holiday (due to the end of the school period). His weekends were booked up with plans, he travelled to Spain (still managed to call and chat all the time) and to Jerusalem. As a compromise, I’d said I don’t mind at all coming down through the week, just give me a date (he lives in London, I’m from Leeds). We’d chatted about meeting next month, things were rearranged and I guess when chatting about meeting up we’d go round in circles. He’s asked me to go to Barcelona with him in August (now I don’t know if he’s just ‘saying that’, with no commitment to follow through) and then that when we do meet it should only be for the day…


    someguy
    Participant
    July 23, 2015 at 8:35 am #83144

    I thought maybe I was being too pushy with asking to meet, on a few separate occasions, but he’s always said he can’t wait to meet me, or he’s thinking about me and that it’s sad I’m not down there to cuddle in the night.

    On Monday he rang me twice while I was at work, so couldn’t answer, but ended up messaging later. He was wanting to know about one of my status updates and I just told him that a few things were getting to me and he doesn’t need to worry and he has always said it’s best to be open and upfront so after he asked what things I told him I’m just not in a good place at the moment and he asked if I wanted him to stop talking to me for a while, which isn’t what I wanted at all, so I said so – (I guess when we first started talking, he took me out of the bad place I was in). His reply was a blunt ‘ah ok’. I told him I hoped it wasn’t what he wanted and he said that we were good and later on that night I asked him about meeting again later on and he said that he knows he’s