Is this a deal breaker?

DATING ADVICE FORUM

Is this a deal breaker?

    Author
    Comments

  • oleg121
    Participant
    July 10, 2017 at 8:25 am #141459
    Is this a deal breaker?

    The thing is that I am disabled. I use walker for walking and I also miss 2 of my front teeth (not because of bad hygiene, but because other health issues that are complicated to explain). Anyway, my question is: Are the two things that I mentioned a deal breaker in dating? Should I let that influence my confidence and give up on women? So many people saiy in general nothing is a big deal unless you make it out of it. Can I apply this theory on my situation as well? Except that I work out, try to do my best and try to live fully. But I would love to meet women. Thank you for your answer 🙂

    richiro
    richiro
    Participant
    July 10, 2017 at 4:56 pm #141619

    it lessens the pool of possibiliteis yes – but in the end it is what you make of it…
    you may or may not want to dowhat you can about it to help you instill confidence in yourself so it’s not always on yuor mind (because that itself is a turn off)… insecurity is the death to any chemistry.

    good luck!


    oleg121
    Participant
    July 11, 2017 at 3:00 pm #141745

    Thank you 🙂 i should definitely work on my confidence i know

    Professor Byzantine
    Professor Byzantine
    Participant
    July 11, 2017 at 3:12 pm #141750

    You have every right to be happy, mate. Don’t let anything make you think you’re less worthy to be happy with someone.


    Heather22
    Participant
    July 11, 2017 at 8:08 pm #141826

    Always be confident!

    JemmaDash
    JemmaDash
    Participant
    July 12, 2017 at 5:31 pm #141941

    I met a guy when I was 19, dated him for 10 years and married him at 29. When we met, he had already had multiple surgeries that left him with a bad limp and because of all the surgeries he had to have over the years, his legs were unusually thin and he had big dark scars all over his feet and ankles. Moreover, the 10 years we were together he had 37 surgeries and many of them were really big ones! The point is, I was young, looking for fun and adventure which he could not exactly give me, but because he was a great guy, I stayed with him because I loved HIM! He asked me out with confidence and I was so attracted to that! Yes, keep looking for love and definitely dont give up hope! if you put yourself out there with confidence and show someone what you have to offer with your personality, the other things wont matter to someone else because they’re most likely looking for love too!


    oleg121
    Participant
    July 13, 2017 at 5:06 pm #141991

    JemmaDash: this one helped me a lot 🙂 thx 🙂

    richiro
    richiro
    Participant
    July 14, 2017 at 5:45 pm #142251

    so let’s get a bit more precise so you can be more successful here.

    It’s fine and dandy to say you will “work on your confidence” but that’s not how you build confidence. You build confidence really by learning how to not need or care about the approval of others. In other words, you can take or leave whatever anybody else thinks or treats you. And how you do this is by building such a fabulous self-reliant life that you fully enjoy – that you get to the point that it’ll actually be hard for anybody else to convince YOU to let them in YOUR life. See the reverse?

    Confidence is really (in this application of it) the life status in which your life is so great and you are so happy with it, you are very CAUTIOUS and slow in agreeing to allow anybody to enter it for fear of ruining your terrific life. So it’s not really confidence you need, you need a great life that others must convince you to allow them in that comes off as confidence.


    oleg121
    Participant
    July 16, 2017 at 2:02 pm #142289

    richiro: i see your point. And i also mentioned i try to live fully. And i am pretty happy with my life. However i still feel that im missing out with dating :(.
    I try approaching ladies occassionally but they seě disgusted by me ( im not sure whether for my disability or dental situation). Im polite, trying to be funny and of course im not creepy. I still try to keep positive mindset and not to be desperate. I have a small social circle of friends but they also have their own lives and we are not together that often).
    Im okay with my life routine. I read a lot, visit cinema, go to social events and try to have positive influence on others. But it just the fact that women dont see me as a “boyfriend material”. But i dont pity myself for that. I know i could have much worse problems than this and i can focus on other areas of my life. But i just miss someone in my life.


    harsh64
    Participant
    July 16, 2017 at 10:59 pm #142292
    Reply To: Is this a deal breaker?

    Be happy with yourself and others will see that. If you can’t except yourself, you can’t expect other to either.


    oleg121
    Participant
    July 17, 2017 at 4:28 am #142304
    Reply To: Is this a deal breaker?

    I dont believe in that sry 🙁 there are people who try to be happy all the time but they are hardly recognized


    Anonymous
    July 17, 2017 at 11:00 pm #142418
    Reply To: Is this a deal breaker?

    no. I think you need to have a confidence..

    richiro
    richiro
    Participant
    July 18, 2017 at 1:02 pm #142484
    Reply To: Is this a deal breaker?

    if you’re happy with life, truly, to the leve you need to be, you wouldn’t be thinking “i’m missing out in dating”… see?
    if your’e doing so well in life and SO happy in life – why would you feel like you’re missing out?

    The two statements can NOT be simultaneously true – so you’re lying to yourself in one of those statements.

    What it means is – go out and do mover, be more self-fulfilled, and the rest will take care of itself.

    EX. Maybe you’re “missing out in dating” is really “wishing i had more close relationships/friendships.. somebody i can talk to openly about everythign who will be there for me” – which may not be the same as dating. Yes of course a successful dating relatioshpi provides that, but maybe its that and not dating .. get it?

    Still.. we humans love to lie to ourselves with sutff that “sounds good” to us – but is lying to ourselves thus we never fix it. Stop lying to yourself thus you can fix it and get to the bottom of this.