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wandererParticipantMarch 1, 2017 at 10:59 pm #128739
General background: I’ve been dating this guy for 7 years and as most relationships of this length we have been through a lot of UPS and DOWNS. It hit me last year that my feelings were changing towards him – I genuinely care for this guy but the love was just fading. I was open and honest to him about how I felt. He thought it was ridiculous and that I might just be unhappy because life wasn’t going the way I wanted it to. So we promised to work together on our relationship to improve our love life – going out on dates, working on our life goals together, work out together etc. A year later, here we are. I find myself just reflecting a lot on how this could have possibly happened. I was so madly in love with this guy but when I look at him sometimes, I wonder to myself why it isn’t there for me anymore. OR if I’m just over-reacting… what if I’m just unhappy with myself and frustrated that I haven’t achieved my goals in life just yet and I’m projecting that on to him? On top of that
wandererParticipantMarch 1, 2017 at 11:03 pm #128740
he’ll say things to me like, “you’re really going to give up like this after 7 years” or get kinda weird on me/desperate and tell me that I’ll get over it. It’s just a phase. Then I find myself wondering if it is just a phase, another bump in the road that I will get over? How do I know whether I’m just throwing in the towel too early… but I don’t think it’s normal that I find myself wondering what it would be like to be single, to be dating another guy etc. I have these thoughts and I feel shitty for thinking that way. I’m just a huge confused mess. I’ve thought about this over and over again – I end up crying in the end because I’m so confused on what to do. 7 years is a long time and I don’t want to hurt him but in the end ultimately I have to think of my own happiness. I don’t want to just settle if this isn’t the guy for me so now I’m asking myself how do I know if he is the one and all this other mambo jambo. It would be nice to get clarity if anyone out there can help out! (:
richiroParticipantMarch 2, 2017 at 2:15 pm #128850
ok a few notes:
1. nobody owes nobody anything based on “the past” and “how much we’ve invested in this” – that’s absolutely illogical and the worst reason to stay with anybody.
2. studies show that people becme completeyl different people every 7 yrs. it sounds like you 2 have grown apart (atleast on your side).
3. yes its true that you may not be happy b/c of things going on with YOU – but a partner is supposed to help you thru that and help you find that joy and advocate bringing it to you. its obvious this guy is NOT doing that for you.
relationsihps are more than just love, or it going well early, or having things in common. it truly is a partnership of advocating for the joy of each other’s lives. as my bff/coworker says, “you do cuz you care.” that is not happening for you in this relatinoship.
if you aren’t finding any reasons why this benefits you, what you’re getting out of this, and why youre here – then its’ time to go. dooesn’t mean anythn is bad – just not working
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