It's hard for me to find a friend with benefits.

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It's hard for me to find a friend with benefits.

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    ArtDeco
    ArtDeco
    Participant
    April 13, 2016 at 8:07 pm #97724
    It's hard for me to find a friend with benefits.

    I would appreciate both male and female responses. Thank you.

    I’m a 25 year old girl who lives in a small town. After a few heart-breaking relationships where I would give my all, I’ve decided to take a break and be single for a while. The problem with this is that, well, I miss sex. It’s been almost a year since I did it, and it scares me when I hear from some other girls that they didn’t have it even longer, because I don’t want that to be my case. It’s not that I want to brag or anything, but I’m very attractive, so I thought it would be much easier to engage with someone who will want me only for my looks, with no strings attached, but it’s hard. I suppose that one of the issues here is that, since this is a small town, everyone knows everyone, therefore it would be weird for me to approach those whom I know for a long time. (tbc in the next post…)

    ArtDeco
    ArtDeco
    Participant
    April 13, 2016 at 8:08 pm #97725

    I go out frequently and I do “dress to impress”, but from all the guys around, the ones who show some interest (and not in a very good way) are mostly the ones who are not that good-looking, or they’re drunk, etc. I’ve been googling about this all a lot, but I’m only getting more confused. There were some articles that say that it’s possible to be TOO pretty. I’m not saying that I am (I don’t know), but people give me compliments all the time, and the others just look at me with admiration. Again – this is not to brag, I would actually not have it this way if it were up to me. What I got from this is that some guys can be intimidated, so even though I have a hard time making the first move, I decided to do it when I met this one guy. It was a long while of flirting via texting, and he seemed like he really likes me, but he wouldn’t really make an effort to see me, so I thought maybe he’s shy. One night, we were at the same club and I took him to a quite place where we made out. (tbc)

    ArtDeco
    ArtDeco
    Participant
    April 14, 2016 at 9:03 am #97726

    After that, he told me that he’s gonna find time in his busy schedule for us to meet. I think right then it was clear what we both want, and since I knew he’s single, I thought he’s going to make an effort for us to get physical. But, that never happened. The other night after that, we were at the same event, so I decided to break the ice and be clear. I asked him if he’s usually shy around girls, and he said he doesn’t really know how to act towards girls. I said that I wouldn’t like anything serious, and he agreed. I told him that I get the impression that he doesn’t really like me, and he said that’s not true, but still he was holding back. After that I decided to give up, and I really have, until there was a night after a gig, and the whole group that I was with went to his place for the after-party. (tbc)

    ArtDeco
    ArtDeco
    Participant
    April 14, 2016 at 9:03 am #97729

    I sent him a message later that day, saying I’m sorry if I bored him, that I acted how I felt at the moment, and that it was not my intention to make him feel uncomfortable. He didn’t respond. We didn’t come into contact after that for a while, until the other night, when there was a gig again. I was already there with some girl friends, when he came in with a girl that I know for a fact he’s sleeping with. I’m not jealous or anything, I don’t care what he does with other people, but maybe my ego was hurt a bit. Even though, I stayed cool and had laughs and fun with friends. A little later, when I went over to the other table to greet another friend, he passed by me, putting his hands over my shoulders and squeezed a bit, and then went somewhere else. Then, when I came back to my table, he was there talking to a girl friend (we both know her), and when I settled down, he left. If these were hints, or „baits“, I think we’re far passed that, if he wants something – he should say it. At


    beetle2005
    Participant
    April 18, 2016 at 1:00 am #98038

    I was approached by a guy like 10 years younger. I’m 42 and hes 32. He asked me if I would be wanting to try a NSA relationship. He explained it to me. He told me exactly what he expected. Nothing emotional. No jealousy and no one to have to give any explaining or answering to. Just sex and enjoying each others company. I said I didn’t know. He gave me months to think about it until we got to know each other. I have to admit I started to like him. When he noticed I did he pulled away. Not until he knew i could handle it then he went full throttle. And we have been doing it since 2013. I think its the best. My advice to you is to be honest & know YOU can handle it. Be honest and give him your expectations from the start which should be close to none. From the start you should understand that their is NO emotional attachment allowed. You have to be ready for this non attachment to one another. Which is confusing at first cause that is not what we naturally wanting to do. Good luck.