Jealous of my fiancee's best friend

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Jealous of my fiancee's best friend

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    wanting2getitright
    Participant
    April 9, 2016 at 2:55 pm #97396
    Jealous of my fiancee's best friend

    I am a female in a same sex relationship and recently got engaged to this amazing girl who I cannot imagine being without. She is perfect for me, kind, beautiful, we rarely argue, things are wonderful. There is just one issue that i cannot seem to overcome. She used to have a casual sexual relationship with her female best friend and the girl’s husband. They had threesomes, and this went on for a while (and obviously ended before we got together). However, they are all still very close friends, and when we first started dating, even before she told me about their past, the way that she used to talk about the girl and show adoration/affection toward her made me very uncomfortable. She does not do those things now that she knows it bothers me, but the damage has already been done. I know that in order to move forward with our relationship, I have to overcome this problem, but I become so consumed with jealousy just at the mention of her name. It doesn’t help that my partner becomes incre

    Voyager
    Voyager
    Participant
    April 24, 2016 at 8:56 pm #98643

    I am also jealous person. I’ve spoken with my girlfriend about the things that make me jealous (mostly her past sexual relationships) and she tells me that she has no interest in being with them and that if she wanted them, then she would be with them and that I’m the one she chose, but is still gets to me. I feel secure in our relationship and know that my jealousy is irrational. One thing that I found useful is picturing a situation where I would feel jealous and picturing the calm, confident, awesome person I would want to be in that situation. Then when I start to feel jealous, I tell myself that “I know that I’m feeling jealous, but I don’t have to act on it.” After that I picture that person I want to be. I also remember that the worst case scenario is her cheating and that would be a worse reflection on her than me. I can still be the awesome person I am and in that case she can be the sh*t heel person that I wouldn’t want to be with anyway and embarrassment won’t kill me.


    wanting2getitright
    Participant
    April 26, 2016 at 7:58 pm #98866

    I liked receiving advice from someone who feels similarly and has some strategy for how to overcome it. Thank you for the feedback, and I will take into consideration these things the next time I feel my jealousy flaring up.