June 2, 2017 at 11:00 pm #138367
FULL story in my (only) other post. In brief, a girl I’ve been friends with for 4+ years I started having feelings for her 8 months ago. Thru this time we were busy with school and communication ceased to have the charm of before. I’ve asked her out 3 times during breaks and all have come up flat, whether the tone was like friends to hang out, or a date. By now it’s been on my mind for too long: Not getting the chance to tell her how I feel properly with right place and time; and be able to either move forward or move on. I just want her response: if yes we can go ahead and date; if not, I’d be happy to just re-establish the communication we had before and remain friends, or be cut off completely, no hard feelings. Now theres a girl friend, one of her best friends whom I’ve less trouble talking with. This is a last resort and I feel got nothing to lose; should I tell this girl friend to get perspective and advice? If she breaks the story to her I trust she’ll tell a full true story.June 2, 2017 at 11:10 pm #138368
Telling this best girl-friend, I in no way need her to set me up with alone time, or feel like she’s selling out her best friend, nothing like that. I just need her perspective on how the girl (might) feel about me, and how I may change my approach or just f*** off. Again, I don’t mind her passing the story on, so long as there’s the understanding that I’ve done my part and just want an answer. No guilt to be felt for either 2 of them.
Jon SmithParticipantJune 6, 2017 at 9:49 pm #138670
Firstly I’d say don’t ask the friend first, because it’s not a direct method and directness is a display of confidence (which women are naturally attracted to).
Secondly, something to remember is that most girls are used to being asked out by a lot of men and turning some of them down, so IF she turns you down again the rejection will be painful of course but there’d be no need to be embarrassed as it’d be a bigger moment for you than her.
I hope my insight was useful, I’ve got a ton of female friends who constantly tell me about their dating lives so I think what I wrote is accurate.
Kenneth87ParticipantJune 7, 2017 at 1:03 am #138672
I agree with Jon about not involving a 3rd party. If you’ve known her for 4 years you know what you need to know to make a move.
You can even be so blunt as to say “How would you feel about going on a date just the two of us?”. Make sure she knows what she is saying no to. That she realizes it’s not just something between friends.June 7, 2017 at 10:35 pm #138797
Thanks Jon and Kenneth. Not to jinx anything, just I do believe I’m the closest guy to her in such a regard as she’s a “quiet” type, and if this were to pan out it’ll be both of our 1st such exposures and experiences. That said, the last 3 times asking her out I haven’t suggested that “beyond friends” feeling because that was all through text and I barely get to see her alone not with her friends to ask her out in person. I would do that “date just the 2 of us” line but for me just doesn’t feel genuine and hard felt through text or snapchat… So, to understand what you 2 are saying, I should ask her out again with more of a “romantic” tone through text? Right now this is exactly what the issue has been for 8 months it’s not getting the chance to see her 1 on 1. If there is a rejection I really want it in person after I truly express my feelings to her.June 7, 2017 at 10:42 pm #138798
I myself already hate to have to involve a 3rd party like that and escalate drama; the plan really is to be able to get past this “me thinking to myself loosing some sleep over it and coming up empty on the phone” stage. I only feel that getting this to move forward, not a status quo for however long till I maybe actually lose feelings for her, will allow me to fully focus on other life goals and everyday routines.
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