Ladies: I'd like your analysis! Why can't I get a second date?

DATING ADVICE FORUM

Ladies: I'd like your analysis! Why can't I get a second date?

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  • prudentbutclueless
    Participant
    July 9, 2017 at 12:24 am #141415
    Ladies: I'd like your analysis! Why can't I get a second date?

    I’m going to have to split this post up given tghe character limit:

    (Part 1)
    Ladies, I’d like to ask for your honest analysis. I’m 29, and I’ve been on lots of first dates. But only ever first dates. I’ve never gotten a second date or been in a true relationship. Every girl that I’ve ever met on a first date seems to write me off as a potential partner for some reason unbeknownst to me, despite us usually having a good time and great conversation, and even when the other party expresses interest in meeting again or finds me really “sweet” and hugs me when we part. I’m always left with a really positive impression, only to be met with either radio silence or infrequent, uninterested texts in the days following.

    A little about me: I’m not so experienced in dating. For various reasons, I haven’t had the opportunity to meet many people in school and college (being homeschooled, and commuting long distance to college). I didn’t try very hard at dating until about 3-4 years ago when I…


    prudentbutclueless
    Participant
    July 9, 2017 at 12:41 am #141416

    (Part 2)
    …decided to give online dating a try. Since then, I’ve met lots of nice people online, and have no trouble getting first dates. But as mentioned before, I can’t get a second date, and I wonder what I’m doing so terribly wrong that everyone disqualifies me after a single meeting.

    I’m a quiet, thoughtful, relaxed, open-minded / non-judgemental person. I get along with people fairly easily, I’m clean, well dressed, have good hygiene, have tons of hobbies and interests, positive, and secure in/happy with who I am. For those of you familiar with psychology, I’m Ti/Ne (INTP), or if you prefer, you can basically imagine me as “Hiccup” from “How to Train Your Dragon” and have a very accurate impression. This does mean that I’m in my head a lot, quiet, reserved, and not a great planner or leader, but I am sincere, genuine, adventurous, and generally unafraid of trying new things. I’m decently good looking, though definitely on the thin side.

    […]


    prudentbutclueless
    Participant
    July 10, 2017 at 11:11 am #141417

    (Part 3)
    After failing at this so many times, I asked a few girls who I had a good relationship and remained friends with why they weren’t interested, and I got similar responses:

    1. That I’m “too nice”
    I’m not sure what this means or why I come off this way. I’ve googled this issue (the “nice guy” syndrome), and I don’t (by my measure) fit the typical nice-guy mold. I’m not trying, for example, to be a pleaser, and I’m not insecure or hiding my opinions or anything like that. I am kind and thoughtful by nature, but I’m just being myself as far as I’m concerned.

    2. That I’m not outgoing / Masculine / Taking the Initiative and Leading enough
    This I would partially concede to. I’m definitely not outgoing and extroverted, and I’m not naturally good at taking the lead or being planned and decisive. I do, however, make my best effort to do these things.

    These two things make me feel as if I simply don’t fit the mold of what girls expect on a first date. […]

    Roddd210
    Roddd210
    Participant
    July 10, 2017 at 7:06 pm #141645

    Meet girls in places you like going. Ex idk bookstores, rodeo(I’m from tx) through family and friends if possible

    DatingTakeTwo
    DatingTakeTwo
    Participant
    July 12, 2017 at 9:50 am #141787

    When reading through your post I kept thinking to myself “he needs to be more assertive for a second date.” After a first date, I think you should definitely
    plan a second date and tell your interested lady that you made plans for both of you. I say this because I’m in a similar situation but on the other end. I meet guys and have a great first date and then I don’t hear from them. I’d like to have a guy who would take the initiative to plan a second and even third date so I know they are interested in me. I think you really need to take the lead even though it’s outside your comfort zone and be forward with the lady you are interested in. I hope this helps and encourages you to take the lead. Goodluck!


    evn95
    Participant
    July 17, 2017 at 1:35 pm #142350

    Women (at least the ones I know) love someone who is confident and straightforward, we want to be swept off our feet. Try to take initiative when out on dates, it can be scary but whats the alternative?


    laura405
    Participant
    July 17, 2017 at 4:29 pm #142383

    I agree with the previous comments, that being more assertive and taking initiative to show that you’re interested can go a long way.

    One other point (coming from a person who is also more quiet and introverted), I usually find that I only click with and feel extremely comfortable around certain people. It takes a certain kind of personality for the other person to really understand me and feel comfortable around me. So maybe it’s just a matter of waiting for the right girl that suits your personality?