little lost…


little lost…

  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    March 20, 2013 at 11:33 pm #26507
    little lost…

    Long post, sorry about this guys.

    I work at a retail store, there is a cashier who for over a year has been kinda nice to me… Just casually chatting asking me what I am doing later in the day. Stuff like that.

    5 months ago her boyfriend broke up with here, they got together a week later than broke up next day. bout\\\’ three months ago I noticed her getting more and more touchy feely, and asking me \\\”So what are you doing tonight\\\” in a snarky voice, I have to resist the urge to make a mom joke here. She is always laughing and smiling around me and stuff like that. Basically I am 89.99 percent sure that she is intrested in doing something. Shes 19 by the way.

    Now about me, recovering drug addict (3 years sober blah blah) No friends, no girlfriend ect…I am fairly decent looking I take care of myself shower in the morning and at night keep clean.

    My trouble is this, I am going to ask her on Friday if she wants to do something with me but I am unsure how to go about this, I have had 2 one night stands in my dope days, but non of them were serious and I don\\\’t even know the name of one of the girls. Never had a girlfriend or even a kiss (theres alot behind this.)

    I\\\’d be fine with just friends even, problem I run into is I have no friends. I mean I worked hard to get rid of all of them.

    I have no clue as to what she is into, I really didn\\\’t want to do a movie although I will if she wants to. I spent over a month thinking about this I am just clueless.

    Guess what I am looking for is how should I approach her at a slow time in the day when no one is around to pop the question without sounding desperate or making it sound like a date, although that would be a plus, but I can deal with being friends I\\\’ve been alone for 3 years and I am kinda tired of it.

    So any advice, questions stuff that may help would be great.

    March 21, 2013 at 3:34 am #26516

    Dude! So let me get this straight. This girl is getting touchy feely with you and asking you what you are doing after work, and she’s been acting like this for a whole year? What exactly have you been waiting for all this time, an engraved invitation!? Geeeeeeezze!
    By the way, if you have to plan out in advance when you are going to ask a girl out then you’ve practically lost the battle before its began. Let me explain what I mean. Back when I was less confident with women I can remember often having the same problem as you, especially with girls who worked as cashiers. After all, getting rejected when its just the two of you is one thing, but getting rejected in front of a line of customers is another thing altogether. Anyway the point is I would always waste time analyzing the signs and working up the nerve until it was too late. For example in one particular instance I had finally made up my mind to ask out a particular cashier the very next time I went to her store. Unfortunately I never saw her there again. After three years she had quit, just when I decided to ask her out. And believe it or not this EXACT same thing happened to me three more times. Talk about a cruel cosmic joke. The point is you can’t schedule a time to ask a girl out, you just do it. Unfortunately I can’t tell you how to do it because that depends on your personality and the circumstances at the time – you have to work with the tools you have. As for me, these days I’m so comfortable talking to women that I’ll often get their phone number before even officially asking them out. Or sometimes I’ll just steer them into talking about some activities they enjoy and if its something I also like I’ll just suggest we should do it together sometime. The truth is it almost doesn’t matter what you say as long as you can say it in a completely relaxed and confident manner. On the other hand if your nervous then no matter how well crafted the words may be in your head beforehand you are going to come off sounding dorky and desperate. In other words it’s not what you say but how you say it. I just talk to women in a relaxed, casual, and confident manner, and then without her realizing it I steer her into giving me an opening that I can then capitalize on in order ask her out. Usually it will sound like the idea just came into my head that moment, even if I’ve been planning it for a while. Of course when she’s a busy cashier or something like that you often have to just flat out ask her out in as few words as possible. In your case I would just go up to this girl and ask her what she’s doing this weekend and if she says “nothing” I would just say “how about doing something together” – or something to that effect. Whatever you say or however you do it though JUST DO IT!

    March 21, 2013 at 10:52 am #26540

    Yeh, I know I should have asked her to go out a long time ago but I don’t like doing things unless I am 100% sure how to do it, and I know how to counter any problems that may arise.

    I guess its the fear of what would we do if she said yes, how would I keep conversation going ect… All of this runs through my mind the 30 seconds before I get ready to ask every time and it makes me back down. Will just ask her next time I see her and see how it goes.

    March 22, 2013 at 9:28 pm #26746

    So just a little update for those who care, I finally asked her out.

    I swear I didn’t even finish saying “out” and she said yes. Quickly followed by when where, as to which I responded “I’m not sure” It didn’t throw her off thankfully, but now I just need to figure out what to do there.

    Thanks for the boot in the arse good sir.

    March 22, 2013 at 9:41 pm #26747

    That’s great! I was actually just about to remind you to be sure and let us know how it went but you beat me to it by a few minutes. I am a little surprised that you didn’t already have a game plan as far as where you would take her since you’ve had a year to think about it. But I guess you were so nervous about the asking part that you didn’t really think about what comes after that. Like you said though she didn’t seem to mind. A lot of women like it when the guy takes charge and makes all the plans for their first date but some don’t mind if you want to consult them first and decide together. Anyway wherever you go or whatever you do just be relaxed and be yourself.