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AimParticipantDecember 23, 2015 at 1:04 am #90441
In a relationship for 2 1/2 years with the nicest, caring, supportive, loving, gentle man I have ever been with. Initially when I told my family I must have hesitated as I knew I was going to have to tell them he lives with his mother. I hear how it sounds and I hear myself making all the excuses he gave. He stays at my house sometimes. My place is small. Too small. When I ask for my space back, he says that I am pushing him away, when actually I am just being true to what I need, want. I am confused as to if this is my issue or not. I find myself resentful at times. It’s not about the money its more about the responsibility, or lack thereof. I am not looking to get married as of yet I just don’t know how to broach the questions I want to ask. Am I making sense? I have asked the questions actually, I just want different answers. I need someone to tell me to wait, or trust my gut, or run, or suck it up, or stop trying to have everything you want.
specialsnowflakeParticipantDecember 23, 2015 at 3:25 am #90447
I don’t know your situation so I can’t tell you what to do… but I can try. It is a red flag to me that he responds with the idea that you’re “pushing him away” if you express that you want your space. He should respect this, which makes me want to suggest you run. I always believe that you should trust your gut – if your gut tells you something is wrong, there probably is something wrong.
Harry WilmingtonParticipantDecember 29, 2015 at 3:50 am #90640
I had a female friend of mine who dated a guy that spent every day at her apartment for a month straight and didn’t get the hint he needed to go home so she could have “me” time.
I’m an introvert at heart, so I know how important “me” time is. However, some guys will hear that and take it personally, as if you’re pushing them away. When this happens, you have to express your needs with the “tough love/if you don’t like it I’m walking” voice. Basically, when he starts wining, instead of giving in and not getting what you want, you look at him matter-of-factly and say: “Look, if me wanting time to myself bugs you, I’m sorry to hear that – but the reality is, as much as I enjoy being around you, I also enjoy having some time to myself. If that’s an issue for you, then we need to discuss if this relationship is going to work out.” With most guys, the thought of you leaving is usually enough to make them see how silly they’re being. Hope this helps!
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