married, he's emotionally abusive, and i'm gay?

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married, he's emotionally abusive, and i'm gay?

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
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    alltvaxa
    alltvaxa
    Participant
    June 27, 2016 at 9:41 pm #104153
    married, he's emotionally abusive, and i'm gay?

    I am 20 and he is 24. we are both musicians but that’s just about the only thing we have in common. for some stupid reason we decided to get married last year when i was 19 and we hadn’t even dated for a year. and he is now very emotionally and verbally abusive. I dont need to explain myself, because i know it’s true. he yells at me and tells me he’s kill himself if i ever left him. I used to be extremely confident in myself and i have been worn down soo thin i dont even know if anything i do is OK anymore.
    1.5 months ago i stayed at a friends for a week after we got in a big fight and he was screaming his lungs out in our tiny car about how i hadnt invited him to hang out with my friends-naturally i defended myself so he called me a c*nt and i left. ended up writing him a letter telling him all the facts about his abusive behavior and he took it pretty well. i ended up coming back home and he was great for about 2 weeks then stopped trying at all. we are back to normal terrible life.

    alltvaxa
    alltvaxa
    Participant
    June 27, 2016 at 9:49 pm #104154

    we recently got in another huge fight about 2 weeks ago, he yelled at me “YOU DONT KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO WALK ON EGGSHELLS ALL THE TIME!!” ooooooookay…
    i say “yes i do, you’re abusive so i need to watch every little silly thing i do or say! plus i am now a victim of abuse and so i am literally damaged! by you! and i stay because i love you!!”
    he says “well you know I’m a victim of abuse too!” -really disregarded what i’d said
    i say “okay yeah, like your dad?” -his dad left at an early age
    he says “NO! YOU ABUSE ME! BY NEGLECT!”
    i don’t even know where to go from here so i stopped talking and didn’t bring it back up until today.
    i told him “not giving you affection is different than abusing you by neglect.” I had really thought this through, got the wording right and was confident in what i was saying and ready to defend myself if he says otherwise.
    his reply is “okay, well i dont really think the word abuse means anything,……..”


    Louie97
    Participant
    June 27, 2016 at 10:46 pm #104158

    Multiple red flags here. He clearly does not respect you enough to end this emotionally abusive cycle of his. I would divorce him if I were you. I don’t know you personally but you definitely deserve better than this scumbag.

    alltvaxa
    alltvaxa
    Participant
    June 28, 2016 at 9:41 am #104155

    “…I only used the word abuse to get your attention and make you take me seriously! just like you did when you wrote me the letter!”
    I am completely awestruck at this. i was totally dismissed and taken advantage of, i doubted myself and actually felt bad for a moment that i confronted him!

    I really don’t know what to do. i am extremely lost. i want to stay true to my vows but i really feel like i f*cked up by getting married.
    AND to make everything worse, I’m realizing more and more that I’m a lesbian. and i love his mom, she’s the SHIT i love her so much.

    I’m a gay, newly extreme self-criticizing feminist, im married to an emotionally abusive and extremely patriarchal man, i love his family so much, and my parents think i shouln’t leave him until we have counselling and it doesn’t change.
    i just wanna give up even though i shouldn’t………. HELP


    shannonjohnson
    Participant
    June 28, 2016 at 10:19 am #104193

    He clearly has no respect and it is damaging you emotionally, if you feel he would change with therapy then go ahead but you need to put your needs before anyone else.


    coldturkey
    Participant
    June 28, 2016 at 2:53 pm #104207

    You need to get out of this now!! There are places you can go..people you can talk to.Get out before he hurts you really bad physically.


    tanalea
    Participant
    June 28, 2016 at 8:00 pm #104213

    very good