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athenamurParticipantOctober 30, 2014 at 12:30 am #66814
I met my boyfriend online and we have been together for over a year now. He lives an hour away from me so the distance is not too bad. However, since the first month of our relationship, we have gotten in pretty bad fights and we argue almost daily (he usually starts them). We love each other very much, and he has been in tears in front of me due to fear of losing me, but he can also be very cruel and mean to me. He has shared with me personal tragedies that he has never shared with anybody else and has shared the hurt he felt when he was cheated on in his 4 year relationship. What he has been through has made him feel unworthy of being loved and has made him scared to love again, and I think he is cruel to me sometimes because he resents that he fell in love with me, almost like he’s just waiting for me to do what his ex did to him. I don’t know what to do. I want us to work but feel defeated. Is this fixable? Does anybody have ideas as to why he loves me yet treats me this way?
Potatocarrot45ParticipantJanuary 28, 2015 at 7:09 pm #72175
It seems that he is deeply hurt and needs to heal and get passed his relationship. I not saying that he can just forget about it but you need to explain to him that you not her and that his fear is ripping your relationship apart. If he can’t see that it is NOT your fault nor can you fix it. He needs to figure things out himself but you can be shoulder to lean on.
ExpatParticipantJanuary 29, 2015 at 1:56 am #72182
You cant be his savior and you can’t fix him. He needs to do that for himself. There’s really no excuse for someone to be cruel to someone else. I was once like him a very long time ago. I was angry at the world and at life and at the opposite gender in general. It took me losing the girl I truly cared deeply for to wake up and realize I was self sabotaging my life. She dumped me, it took me a long time to get over it, but I did and came out better for it in the end.
I’d say the best thing you can do for him and yourself is to dump him, and to make clear that his behavior is the reason for doing so. I know it’s hard to break up with someone you care for even if they are causing you pain, but I think it’s best.
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