Mixed signals and a guy who doesn't usually do feelings.

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Mixed signals and a guy who doesn't usually do feelings.

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    Lariz
    Participant
    January 29, 2017 at 3:36 pm #124900
    Mixed signals and a guy who doesn't usually do feelings.

    Hello,
    I’m quite a shy person at first, although I’m one of those people who warms to people very fast and then doesn’t shut up – This girl is the same, except she doesn’t warm to people very fast at all.

    We’ve known eachother for years although we haven’t actively spoke for all of that time, but over the past few months I’ve been getting mixed signals from her. She’ll show spikes in interest in me, bringing up subjects she knows I’m interested in, comment on pictures of me and when I asked her out replied saying she’d ‘love to’ go.. Until she stopped replying to me for over a month and later replied again. She had exams, so I brushed it off and accepted it, but I’ve come to the point where I don’t know if she’s interested and too timid to actually pursue it or if she’s just being polite and pulling away from me when she feels it’s going somewhere. It’s seriously confusing when I’ll get constant messages and then nothing for a week, which isn’t very nice when a follow up doesn’t come.


    SUPERBARRY
    Participant
    January 29, 2017 at 5:23 pm #124902

    Just call her out on it. Otherwise it will destroy you.


    brl9fc
    Participant
    January 29, 2017 at 5:48 pm #124907

    Just try and talk to her if you can. I know it isn’t easy but that’s probably the only way you will know.


    Lariz
    Participant
    January 30, 2017 at 4:56 am #124913

    Appreciate the replies and I agree, I guess I would have to talk to her about it in order to find out.. But there’s one issue, I don’t know how she’d handle the pressure from a direct conversation about it and I’m not the kind of person to pressure someone into a reply or to make them uncomfortable/upset, which is where it’d lead.

    At this point I’ve kind of come to the conclusion that it’s just time to move on, if I’ve overcome my fear of relationships/feelings specifically for her then she could have done the same for me – If she wanted to.

    I’ll continue talking to her as a friend, but that’s it. It has come to the point now we’ll both be on facebook at the same time and she’ll see something I’ve commented on/liked and either share the original post or like the picture/status, so it’s not like she’s too busy to answer.
    I tried and I overcame the many issues I have when it comes to feelings and relationships, even if it was only for her. Thanks again, just a part of life I guess!


    waltrus
    Participant
    January 30, 2017 at 4:45 pm #125030

    You might want to decide if the game is worth it.
    If your feelings for her are strong enough, perhaps you should play through til the end.
    Currently I have an old friend who reconnected with me over the holidays, so I get it, man.
    It’s hard, it’s confusing, and it can hurt-
    but trust me. It beats feeling nothing.


    Lariz
    Participant
    January 31, 2017 at 8:43 am #125052

    I’m not the kind of person that plays games, I’m one of those people who’s direct and appreciates others being direct as well.

    I feel I’ve made it abundantly clear to her how I feel, yet she keeps pulling away and I have no idea why. She knows I’ve replied to her, talks to people on status’ etc.. And doesn’t reply to me and then comes back at me with some excuse days/weeks later all apologetic and I accept it because I want to talk to her.

    I don’t mean to sound needy because I’m not, I just don’t like people being indirect when I’ve been nothing but honest. One day she’s excessively interested in me beyond friendship boundaries, another time she’d ‘love to go’ somewhere with me.. Other times she’s hinting that she wants to go places with me until I ask her, then she backs off and ignores me for weeks and at one point 2 months before making an excuse I just accepted it, glad that I had heard from her again.

    I’m that guy who didn’t do feelings and I honestly preferred the solitude :/.


    Lariz
    Participant
    January 31, 2017 at 8:43 am #125066

    I have pursued her, though. I’ve asked her out on more than one occasion, every time she has said she’d love to go and then just disappeared for weeks before resurfacing with an excuse.

    I’ve made it abundantly clear how I feel about her, yet she constantly comes to me as though she cares for me more than a friend.. Says things that are beyond the borders of friendship and shares things with me that suggests she sees me the same way I see her; This is until she disappears again, whether it be for 1 or 2 weeks or maybe even 1-2 months, leaving me completely puzzled as to where I stand and what I should do next, or what I’ve done wrong.

    I feel taking action at this point is just an over-assertion, considering I’ve made it clear what I want and how I feel about her; Anything else would essentially just pressure her into replying, and I care too much for her to force her into an answer she isn’t ready to provide me with.

    richiro
    richiro
    Participant
    January 31, 2017 at 12:04 pm #125123

    if you asked her out and she said ‘yes” why haven’t you gone out? Explain that one.
    perhap you only asked and open “do you want to go out” and never follwoed thru?

    here is a tip. Never ask somebody out “opened ended”. Alsways have a speicifc planned date in mind, at a specific time/date and then ask if the person is interested in joning you at that activity. That is a straight yes/no and then do it. No “open ended” – “wanna go out sometime?” stuff.

    So at this pont.. come up with a date idea. plan it. have a date/time in mind. then ask her if she’s interested in joining you for that actiity. then go from there.

    good luck.


    Lariz
    Participant
    January 31, 2017 at 12:16 pm #125130
    Reply To: Mixed signals and a guy who doesn't usually do feelings.

    I have pursued her, though. I’ve asked her out on more than one occasion, every time she has said she’d love to go and then just disappeared for weeks before resurfacing with an excuse.

    I’ve made it abundantly clear how I feel about her, yet she constantly comes to me as though she cares for me more than a friend.. Says things that are beyond the borders of friendship and shares things with me that suggests she sees me the same way I see her; This is until she disappears again, whether it be for 1 or 2 weeks or maybe even 1-2 months, leaving me completely puzzled as to where I stand and what I should do next, or what I’ve done wrong.

    I feel taking action at this point is just an over-assertion, considering I’ve made it clear what I want and how I feel about her; Anything else would essentially just pressure her into replying, and I care too much for her to force her into an answer she isn’t ready to provide me with.


    Lariz
    Participant
    January 31, 2017 at 12:19 pm #125134
    Reply To: Mixed signals and a guy who doesn't usually do feelings.

    To address the multiple messages – It wouldn’t allow me to send messages for the past 24hrs and they’ve all just randomly come through at once. I apologize for the spam!

    The reason we never went out is because she backed off, stopped talking to me before we got to the date in question.

    The first time I did have a date in mind to which she agreed, but she stopped answering me for a prolonged time frame.

    Right now being an example, she hasn’t answered me for 3 days yet she continues liking my status’ and stuff, so I really don’t get it. Why like something I post if she isn’t going to answer me =/


    Lariz
    Participant
    February 1, 2017 at 5:41 am #125244
    Reply To: Mixed signals and a guy who doesn't usually do feelings.

    Final message I’ll post!

    I’ve decided it’s time to back off and leave this be, I have more respect for myself than to pursue someone who evidently doesn’t believe I’m worth the 30seconds it takes to reply, or leaves me waiting on the date in question for a reply if she still wants to go without an answer.

    I do believe she’s interested, but no where near enough. It’d take 30seconds to reply to a message, so this whole ‘I’ve been too busy’ excuse constantly doesn’t fly, especially when I know she hasn’t.

    Whether she’s shy or not, you treat people with the respect they’ve shown you – Which means answering them and being straight with them, not indirect leaving them completely unsure whether they’ve done something or unaware as to where they stand – That is the opposite of respect and I’ve been nothing but patient and respectful.

    I’d suggest this to anyone else reading this as well, we deserve a reply so please don’t pursue someone who treats you with such disrespect to not even bother

    richiro
    richiro
    Participant
    February 1, 2017 at 12:26 pm #125322
    Reply To: Mixed signals and a guy who doesn't usually do feelings.

    i go back to my original post …

    never ask somebody an open ended date “wanna go out?”
    have a specific date in midn, acitivey, location, date/time and ask if theyd’ lke to “join you” to enjoy that very fun activity.

    its fine to give up on this one but you won’t have learned a thing. I would say give it one last try and ask her on a SPECIFIC DATE and see what she says and then you’ll know. you can also use this to test how the 2 differ and the difference it can make.

    OR.. just give up on this one (no problem) then use the SPECIFIC DATE technique on the next one. i can guarantee you success will be rare if you continue to do the open-ended “wanna go out” approach.


    dj014
    Participant
    February 1, 2017 at 3:43 pm #125353
    Reply To: Mixed signals and a guy who doesn't usually do feelings.

    Communication is key