Monogamy to Polyamory to Open….

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Monogamy to Polyamory to Open….

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    Jokkun
    Participant
    November 28, 2017 at 7:48 am #157542
    Monogamy to Polyamory to Open….

    My husband and I have been married for going on three years now. Earlier on in the relationship, I could bottom more frequently than I can now due to health issues. He also bottomed some early on (and enjoyed it). Now we’re at an impasse. I can’t bottom very often and he refuses to bottom at all. His excuse is that it hurts and he doesn’t like it, though he’s admitted in counseling it has a lot to do with the “macho-complex” his father enforced on him as a child. Anyways, fast forward to now, we tried the polyamory thing where we’d get a mutual boyfriend (essentially to use a bottom — but also be an actual boyfriend). That hasn’t bared many fruit. We also tend to have drastically different tastes in guys which makes that difficult. So, now we’ve decided to start sleeping with guys separately or possibly finding our “own boyfriends.” Though, neither of us like the latter idea out of fear of either falling in love with the new bf. (continued in first post)


    Jokkun
    Participant
    November 28, 2017 at 8:06 am #157543

    Anyways, we started sleeping with other guys. My husband had a rule that there be no friends, nobody we deem-ed “off-limits,” and no exes. I agreed. Well, literally first night we did it he slept with a friend of his who is in love with him (I was off on my own date at the time, so I didn’t know until after). I’m talking crazy in love with him. He said he just wanted to have sex with the guy, but the guy was verbally on my “no” list.

    Also, a part of me feels kinda resentful of the situation overall. I DO bottom for my husband, but he refuses to bottom for me. So adding a 3rd on as a bottom would benefit both of us — but with the open relationship thing…. I kinda feel like he’s getting the best of both worlds. He’s topping me and getting to top other guys at will, but I’m only topping other guys. He absolutely refuses to let me top him (hence our problem). I just don’t know what to think about it. Part of me is allured by the new dates/sex, etc. (continued on 3)


    Jokkun
    Participant
    November 28, 2017 at 9:12 am #157544

    The other part of me value that old fashioned concept of two people in love, committed to one another. But he will not break on the bottom thing. And since I can’t bottom THAT often for him (like 1 week mostly), then he needs to top other guys….

    Any advice? Related experiences? Help. I’m honestly confused and don’t want my marriage to either be ruined or “saturated.”