More than a difference in sex drive…


More than a difference in sex drive…

  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    July 18, 2016 at 7:43 pm #105740
    More than a difference in sex drive…

    My boyfriend and I have been together for about six months. We’re very compatible in almost every way and communicate very honestly about our feelings. We have a difference in sex drive, mine being higher. This honestly doesn’t bother me too much on a physical level. The challenging part is how we differ on an emotional level.

    He’s told me several times that sex is not how he shows love and emotion, that it’s a purely physical activity to him. That he could honestly go without sex for the rest of his life, but he chooses to have sex because it’s important to me. And that’s apparently why our sex drives differ. While I want sex to connect with him on an emotional level, to him, it’s no different than going to the park…and sometimes he doesn’t want to go to the park. And when I think about his lack of emotion towards sex, I get self-conscious and it’s harder for me to get what I need from it and sometimes even harder to perform.

    Anyone else been in a situation like this?

    July 18, 2016 at 8:20 pm #105744

    My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year, with our anniversary coming up really soon. Our sex drives and personal philosophies have changed quite a bit along the year. I began our relationship with a high sex drive, while his was I would say rather regular, until we decided to do it for the first time. I believe that the best sex is the intimate kind, so for me I always try to make it something meaningful. My boyfriend fell in love me rather quickly, and he told me that he masturbate a lot more often, because he couldn’t stop thinking about the affection that I would give him. In various occasions, however, he told me that we would have sex because he knows that I like it, not necessarily because he feels a connection, even though he likes it as well, because he doesn’t want our relationship to be about sex. So far it seems that both our sex drives have lowered.

    My advice would be to find other ways of showing your affection and not take his beliefs to heart.

    July 19, 2016 at 10:27 am #105753

    Ugh. This sucks. I’m in the same boat. I always have to ask for more sex. It doesn’t seem to bother him, but it bothers me.

    Find out this:

    Is he depressed?

    Is he okay at work?

    Is he taking medications/drugs/alcohol? (My bf taking adderall DESTROYED our sex life)

    Is he still attracted to you? (I know, that one stings)

    Is there someone else? (Do NOT assume, and do NOT GO THROUGH HIS PHONE. I learned that the hard way.)

    If it isn’t anything like that, you could just be exiting the honeymoon phase and should go invest in a really good vibrator.

    Good luck.

    July 19, 2016 at 12:31 pm #105789

    Thanks for the thoughts.

    I guess I should also mention that he’s alluded to a past experience that screwed up his perspective of sex. Something that he doesn’t talk about. I wish he would tell me what it is so I could understand what he’s been through and not take it personally. But it’s hard to know how to encourage him to open up about stuff like that without pushing and making things worse.

    September 2, 2016 at 12:20 pm #110420

    Oh things will work out.

    September 12, 2016 at 1:29 am #110987

    My thought would be no relationship is always going to be perfect. There are areas that you are simply going to differ on. For you in this one it is the emotional connection with sex. Is that something you can accept? If it is then find a different way to connect emotionally with him. For me it is drive and goals. If I meet someone that I have a perfect sexual connections with and they have no goals or drive with their life that is a deal breaker. I am to ambitious for that. You have to decide what you can and can not accept. The grass is never greener on the other side of the fence it is just different grass.