Moving too fast

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Moving too fast

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
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    Sue315
    Sue315
    Participant
    February 2, 2017 at 8:51 am #125397
    Moving too fast

    I have recently met a wonderful man who treats me like a QUEEN!!!! He is very handsome,intelligent,has a great job and house.He is divorced for 3 years and has a grown son.I have two grown adopted sons,one lives with me. He has a great family and friends,some of whom I have met. He tells me about things and says they will have to get used to me being there because I am going to be part of the equation from now on. He is planning on putting in a pool at his house because I love to swim!!!!
    The problem….it has been a little over 2 weeks!!!!!! WAY too fast for me, He talks about marriage and he has asked me to move in!!!He is very supportive in all of my issues and there have been some big ones in these two weeks. A health issue,a money issue and a death in the family,he never faltered. I have told him,he doesn’t know me and this is way too fast for me but he keeps going. He is everything I have ever wanted but I fear that I will get burned at 3 or 6 months like the past.

    • This topic was modified 8 months, 2 weeks ago by Sue315 Sue315.
    richiro
    richiro
    Participant
    February 2, 2017 at 1:46 pm #125474

    your instincts are correct.. WATCH OUT for people that go WAY WAY WAY TOO FAST.
    the reality of him is probably that he’s portraying something he wants to portray to you and is not the real him. (to the point i would even question his story about the divorce – unless you’ve been able to visually confirm that in person with sons, kids, and ex-spouse in some way).

    i defintely woudl dial it back and be VERY CAUTIOUS here. and if the “whoa what’s goign on here.. this is not normal” doesn’t go away or is dispro0ven rather quickly.. or he continues to push it.. then you may want to let this one go.

    it is NOT natural behavior.
    it is NOT healthy behavior.
    it is NOT reasonable behavior.

    good luck .. i hope he proves us all wrong! (not likely)

    Sue315
    Sue315
    Participant
    February 3, 2017 at 11:18 am #125612

    We are older,50’s, I think he just liked being married. My issue is does he want to just be married again or married to ME!! And he doesn’t know me yet. He is very open,I have been to his house several times and met friends and I have heard him talk about me to his son. I have told him I have been burned many times and need time to learn to trust him. I think I will know by 6 to 8 months. Thanks for the input. Part of me hopes this is just the “love at first site” kind of thing ,which I never believed in!!!


    multisamsami
    Participant
    February 3, 2017 at 12:22 pm #125632

    He’s going fast because he probably really likes you, and it’s probably the way he has always done things and he doesn’t know any better. You feel that he’s going too fast but he might not be aware of that, because it’s the pace he is used to. So you have to tell him that you need time to build trust. If he trully likes you and values you, then he’ll accept to take things slower, because you have your needs and it’s normal!

    richiro
    richiro
    Participant
    February 3, 2017 at 12:32 pm #125635

    you are exactly right and right on it Sue.
    As a 48 yr old i understand that our age we’ve “been around the block” and it doesn’t take us too long to sort of have a good idea. Life is short right?

    but exactly – is he more interested in being with somebody, being married – or is this because of YOU. Good way to answer that is find out about his past. Did he get married often? Quickly? etc. If it’s a “pattern”, than you are just the next “pattern” if you will. If it’s NOT his pattern – then its actually a decent change it’s about you.

    STILL.. i alays worry about people that go THIS fast. IT seems a bit out of reasonable context to go this fast no? Especially if YOU are questioning it – since you know what’s gone on between you two thus far…

    in the end.. “YOU DO YOU” and what’s right for you always. If he doesn’t seem intersted in accomodating that – then its about being married and not you.

    Good luck Sue!

    michelle724
    michelle724
    Participant
    February 3, 2017 at 4:23 pm #125574

    I think it’s great that he is acting infatuated with you. However, it is strange that he’s making commitments and asking for commitments this soon. You need time for those decisions. If you can enjoy each other for several more months then those decisions would make more sense. Some personality types are dreamers and like to imagine future steps. But mature personalities won’t act on those dreams. Ask him to slow down.


    Brenda3193
    Participant
    February 4, 2017 at 5:11 pm #125726

    Moving that fast isn’t a bad thing…unless one of you is uncomfortable about it. You obviously are, so I’d just tell him that you’d like to keep seeing him but slow down a bit for a few months. If he really likes you, he’ll understand that. He might not be super happy about it lol, but it’s important for him to respect how you’re feeling, and he won’t know unless you tell him.


    sappygirl2k17
    Participant
    February 5, 2017 at 12:25 am #125738

    well from what you describe yourself and himself as, you both are single parents. Maybe in his mind he thinks that, I don’t want to die alone, I don’t want to be divorced again and/or I don’t want my child to grow up motherless. So he may be doing everything in his power to please you so that you see potential in him may want to marry him. sometimes lost such as divorce can impact someone so much so that they want everything to go well and better the next time love comes around. He saw you as an opportunity to do better and be better. Indeed it is a fast paced relationship and many people find this very intimidating because as humans we want to know someone as a whole, inside and out so we feel secure and we will be respected by them. I don’t see the harm in talking to him about how you feel and how you want things to go. Try suggesting or doing things to try and get to know each other more.

    Sue315
    Sue315
    Participant
    February 6, 2017 at 11:02 am #125803

    Thank you! Our kids are grown 21 to 30 years old,fairly on their own and independent. I have decided to go with it and give it time. I am not going to say or do anything until I am ready and will remind him of that as needed. He certainly is a lovely, supportive man and far better to me than I have ever known!

    richiro
    richiro
    Participant
    February 7, 2017 at 12:43 pm #125974
    Reply To: Moving too fast

    soujnds like a plan… enjoy it and let us nkow now and then how it’s going 🙂
    its very helpful to see what ultimately happens so we can learn and check our own advice and how we read situations.

    advice isn’t worth it if it isn’t accurate advice 🙂

    good luck!

    Hoptownusa
    Hoptownusa
    Participant
    February 8, 2017 at 11:26 am #126098
    Reply To: Moving too fast

    Always take you’re time if hes for you he will respect it


    AlexxA
    Participant
    February 8, 2017 at 6:10 pm #126195
    Reply To: Moving too fast

    Eeeek marriage after two weeks is crazy? I’d beware, beware, beware. He may be someone who rushes into things and wants a wife to take care of him and his kids and that’s probably why he is divorced. You could tell him you think its rushing things and that you like him, but need to get to know him. If he is a respectful man, he will pull back and continue to date you. If he’s a psycho, he will keep pushing you. Be careful.

    Sue315
    Sue315
    Participant
    February 10, 2017 at 1:07 pm #126478
    Reply To: Moving too fast

    Our kids are grown and not an issue and he can and has for years taken care of himself. He doesn’t need me for any of that. Actually he takes care of me more than anyone,except my parents,ever have,it’s WONDERFUL! He can’t do enough for me!!! I have told him too fast for me and he has slowed down.

    richiro
    richiro
    Participant
    February 10, 2017 at 2:06 pm #126482
    Reply To: Moving too fast

    sorry Sue.. but a guy who is in a hurry that takes care of you so completely this early – are even bigger warning signs. sorry to say.
    That’s just part of the ‘rush job’…

    Its hard to turn away b/c all of us would love to be whisked up and taken care of in a whirlwind and be desired and watned that much.
    BUT THEY ARE THE VERY SAME SIGNS of trouble!

    EVerything should be within reasonable context and reasonably time-appropriate for it to be a healthy thing. In this case this man doesn’t sound very healthy to me in his approach. Check all the DV sites and they will tell you the same.


    poshgirl
    Participant
    February 18, 2017 at 4:43 pm #127538
    Reply To: Moving too fast

    Sue, you are so right to have alarm bells ringing about this guy. Just because we’re over 50 doesn’t mean we have to throw any caution away and get caught up in a whirlwind. He may just crave female company and worse still, this could be the start of controlling behaviour.

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