Mutual attraction with a colleague


Mutual attraction with a colleague

  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    January 26, 2014 at 1:52 pm #46577
    Mutual attraction with a colleague

    I’ve known a younger female colleague (I’ll call her Cathy) at my company for over 2 years. A common female friend told me not long after I joined the company that Cathy spoke very glowingly of me and said I was “gorgeous”. At that time, she was in a long-term relationship with a guy which began in college. She’d mention his name to me now and then along with what they were doing for the holidays and the like. But a number of months ago she stopped mentioning his name and gave me the distinct impression that she spent the holidays solo.

    Cathy and I converse and laugh with each other easily and there is a level of personal warmth and strong mutual respect. She is in her mid 30s and never married. I am divorced, about 20 years older than Cathy, and unattached with one child in late teens. I’m attracted to Cathy and sense we’re on a similar wavelength. I am wary about such a big age difference and I don’t know for certain that she’s ended her long term relationship. (continued)

    January 26, 2014 at 2:11 pm #46578

    (continued) Cathy’s body language towards me continues to show ALL the signs of attraction. She’s pretty and has a lovely physique. She has a big heart and is well-admired. I haven’t asked her out on a date for two primary reasons, to be blunt. First, I’m very wary about dating a colleague who works in my group. And second, I’m much older than her (many people think I’m 5-10 years younger than my true age). I am more than willing to be patient here and perhaps confide in the common female friend about my attraction to Cathy. Would appreciate any advice.

    January 26, 2014 at 10:40 pm #46584

    Thats a awkward position to be in. Maybe ask out for lunch.

    January 26, 2014 at 11:21 pm #46586

    Just go out a few times see how it goes

    January 27, 2014 at 3:43 pm #46654

    Do you have supervisory duties over her including workflow?
    Does your company have a policy about inner dating?
    Is it going to hurt either career if people found out, including top management?
    Will it bother either of you once you’re in the gossip stream?
    If things got awkward, will it affect your group?

    The key here is to not over think it. Ride the wave of mutual admiration that you currently have and confidently broach her about seeing her outside of work. A simple, “how about a drink sometime” is a good ice breaker.

    Go with the flow and don’t seem apprehensive. Women can sense this and she may back off since you’re giving an air of not being confident. If/when you go out with her, you’ll know in short time if there is something to build on.

    The hardest step is the first step. Good Luck.

    April 11, 2014 at 5:52 pm #46687

    No supervisory duties over her. She’s a lateral peer with the same job title and a different experience level. No company policy on inner dating. Nothing that specifically prohibits it. Hurt either career if people found out, including top management? Probably not, provided any breakup was on mutually respectful terms. I don’t believe it would bother either of us to be in the office gossip stream. At the same time her friends outside the office seem to be largely a mid to late 30s crowd from what she’s related to me. If things got awkward, there is a strong possibility that it could affect our group. I’m riding the wave for now. Thanks for your comments!