My bereaved friend…

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My bereaved friend…

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    audiophile
    Participant
    October 19, 2015 at 4:31 pm #87081
    My bereaved friend…

    Hello all.

    I’ll try to keep this brief, since there is a lot I could say about this.

    I met her on OkCupid, and had some great conversation. We agreed to meet up, we made a connection, and went on a few more dates. We became intimate and, despite our busy and opposing schedules, we made time to see each other as often as we could (which was typically once or twice a week).

    She is definitely a private person, as over the course of nearly two months of seeing her, I never broke much ground on matters deeper than her career, hobbies, and likes/dislikes. The only more personal things I learned was that she had lost both of her parents within the span of the last year; her father, suddenly, and most recently. I knew that she was (and still is) grieving her losses, and as she should be. I still have my parents, but I know from my friends who have lost theirs that it’s something you never fully recover from.

    As a result of her loss, she has always been emotionally distant from me to some extent, and of course I don’t blame her. I was always supportive, and said I would be there for her. I didn’t know what else to do, but be patient and do my best to make her feel at ease.

    About a month ago, she said she needed to end our relationship. While she wanted to try to make things work, she was too emotionally spent to “be the woman she wants to be for me.” She needs time to get further along in her grieving process, and wanted to focus more on getting her career to a more stable point right now. While the breakup certainly hurt, I couldn’t be mad at her, all things considered. I went no contact until a few days ago, just to put some distance between me and the breakup. When I’m broken up with, I have to do that to not become desperate, and to get back to being myself. Perhaps, once she heals more, we might be able to give it another shot, but I can’t expect that anytime soon.

    We recently began speaking again, and we agreed that we wanted to try being friends (no, really, she wants to try, unlike the typical use of “let’s be friends” haha). We’re meeting up to have coffee on Thursday.

    Any opinions on how to proceed from here? To be honest, I still want to try and be close to her, even if romance isn’t in the cards right now. Should I just keep doing what I was doing before, obviously minus the romantic stuff? How might I become closer to her, without making her feel uncomfortable?

    Thanks in advance for any constructive advice.

    • This topic was modified 2 years, 1 month ago by  audiophile.
    Spartan117
    Spartan117
    Participant
    October 19, 2015 at 6:37 pm #87087

    Still be a dear friend even if you two aren’t in a relationship, perhaps that can bloom later. Loss of parents must be very difficult for her to take in, so just be along side her, keep doing what you’re doing, she needs that :]


    audiophile
    Participant
    October 20, 2015 at 8:31 am #87082

    As a result of her loss, she has always been emotionally distant from me to some extent, and of course I don’t blame her. I was always supportive, and said I would be there for her. I didn’t know what else to do, but be patient and do my best to make her feel at ease.

    About a month ago, she said she needed to end our relationship. While she wanted to try to make things work, she was too emotionally spent to “be the woman she wants to be for me.” She needs time to get further along in her grieving process, and wanted to focus more on getting her career to a more stable point right now. While the breakup certainly hurt, I couldn’t be mad at her, all things considered. I went no contact until a few days ago, just to put some distance between me and the breakup. When I’m broken up with, I have to do that to not become desperate, and to get back to being myself. Perhaps, once she heals more, we might be able to give it another shot, but I can’t expect that anytime soon.


    audiophile
    Participant
    October 20, 2015 at 8:31 am #87083

    We recently began speaking again, and we agreed that we wanted to try being friends (no, really, she wants to try, unlike the typical use of “let’s be friends” haha). We’re meeting up to have coffee on Thursday.

    Any opinions on how to proceed from here? To be honest, I still want to try and be close to her, even if romance isn’t in the cards right now. Should I just keep doing what I was doing before, obviously minus the romantic stuff? How might I become closer to her, without making her feel uncomfortable?

    Thanks in advance for any constructive advice.