My best friend became a friend with benefits, then got a GF out of nowhere. WTF

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My best friend became a friend with benefits, then got a GF out of nowhere. WTF

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    omglifeisweird
    Participant
    September 25, 2017 at 7:22 am #150121
    My best friend became a friend with benefits, then got a GF out of nowhere. WTF

    I met a guy about a year ago and we hung out daily. We were just friends, had a lot of fun & good vibes. 5 months in we became physical, and it was great. I went on a work trip out of town for 2 weeks. He was all over me, took me to breakfast, drove me to the airport – felt like he was my BF without a label yet.

    Upon my return, he no longer offered to pick me up. We’ve been hanging out 1-2 months after, he’s distant – thought he may just need space. Last week, I asked what he was up to for the weekend. He said he was going to be in X city all weekend. I said “what’s going out there?” He replied with “My girlfriend lives there – Tell me about that festival near our apartment, what is it?! We need to hangout soon!” I responded “Ahh fun”.

    I had ZERO idea he was dating anyone else. He never mentioned it whatsoever. I’m confused, hurt, and most of all pissed off he wasn’t honest with me. I don’t want to lose a best friend, but I also want to confront the situation. WTF – what do I do?!


    Mae
    Participant
    September 25, 2017 at 7:38 pm #150301

    Just go talk to him about it if it really bothers you. Be civil about it and act like an adult and be cool and collected. If he has a gf then respect it and move on.


    omglifeisweird
    Participant
    September 25, 2017 at 8:17 pm #150303

    Honestly, my post didn’t have much content here because it only allowed so many characters XD – I also posted on Reddit and that really helped me out.

    Maybe I’ll just post my entire thing in the comments so people know WTF I’m talking about. What Really happened (Part 1):

    I had met a guy at my apartment complex about a year ago and we started hanging out pretty much every day. He always texted me first, and we get along great. We were just friends, so we had a lot of fun & good vibes – he’s extremely smart, we had a lot of deep intellectual conversations, and overall had a lot in common. We never have gotten into an argument, and our conversations are never boring.

    One night (about 5 months after we first met) – he kissed me, and basically we started getting more physical after that, continuing to hang out on a daily basis for about 2-3 months or so? I think, not good with timeframes lol. Anyway, I had to go on a work trip out of the country for 2 weeks.


    omglifeisweird
    Participant
    September 26, 2017 at 9:54 am #150304

    (Part 2)

    The night before I left, he basically was all over me. He wanted to buy me breakfast beforehand, then drive me to the airport. Of course, he offers to pick me up when I return from my trip too. At this point, I’m feeling like we’re basically dating already, there just hasn’t been a label put on it yet. We are both a bit awkward, and he doesn’t express emotions well, but as far as I could tell it seemed like we had been on the same page.

    While I’m on my trip, we continue to text, and about halfway through the tone of voice on our texts start to change. I didn’t think of it as a huge deal as I was 7 hours ahead, and figured we pick up where we left off anyways when I got back. However, when I mentioned when I’d be arriving, he no longer offered to pick me up from the airport. I thought ok, I’ll just take an Uber – not a big deal, I don’t expect anyone to that anyway.

    We hang out the day after I get back, and he acts like he doesn’t even want to touch me.


    omglifeisweird
    Participant
    September 26, 2017 at 9:56 am #150305

    (Part 3)

    I don’t even get a hug when he sees me. As I mentioned, he’s a pretty emotionally distant guy, so I don’t think it is a big deal, as everything else seemed to carry on as usual.

    However from that point, we continued to hang out less and less. He always used to text me first and now I was getting little nothing. I thought “Okay, maybe he just is going through some personal issues and needs some space so I’ll let him have it.” We had been hanging out maybe 1-2 times per week. It’s been 2 months since I got back from that work trip.

    Last week, I asked what he was up to for the weekend. He said he was going to be in a neighboring city all weekend, and then asked me about an event going on near our apartment. I jokingly said “what’s going on out in that city?” (because I know that place and there isn’t much to do there) – then continued to answer his question about the festival near our apartment.


    omglifeisweird
    Participant
    September 26, 2017 at 9:56 am #150306

    (Part 4)

    He basically replied with “My girlfriend lives there – Tell me about that festival near our apartment, what is it?! We need to hangout soon so I can ride your new motorcycle!” (I just bought one -_-)

    As soon as I receive this text I have no words. I literally had no, I mean ZERO idea that he was even dating anyone else. He never mentioned or hinted at it whatsoever, making me feel like a fucking idiot of course. When we had been hanging out this whole time and I asked “What’s new?” – along with your distant behavior, you could have mentioned something if you planned on us continuing to be friends.

    So basically I reply “Ahh fun.” because I don’t know what else to say, and we have not spoken since. I don’t know what to say now, as I’m confused, hurt that he couldn’t be honest with me and I may have lost what I considered one of my best friends, but mostly pissed off at the way this situation was handled.


    omglifeisweird
    Participant
    September 26, 2017 at 9:57 am #150307

    (Part 5)

    I don’t think it’s 100% his fault, as I was planning on calling out the vibe soon to figure out what the fuck happened – but now obviously, it seems too late for that.

    Here are the main reasons why I *was* pissed:

    – He no longer offered to pick me up from the airport, because friends don’t do that?
    – He acted like an awesome guy that was into me before my trip, then stopped texting me out of the blue – and did not imply anything else was going on – and left me to feel like an idiot.
    – It seems like he doesn’t care about our friendship at all, treating it like shit that he couldn’t care less about.
    – He had bought 2 tickets to a concert before my trip and invited me to go with him, so I had offered to pay him for the tickets. He said I didn’t have to, and I was like “Are you sure? I will!” – but he was like “No I got it.” Months later, a week before the concert, he was like “Oh by the way you owe me $150 for that ticket.” -_-


    omglifeisweird
    Participant
    September 26, 2017 at 9:57 am #150308

    (Part 6)

    – I mean we both make over 6 figures, so we could both afford it… but nobody likes an “Indian Giver”. The day of the concert comes and he starts feeling ‘sick’. We go to dinner, and he ultimately decides he isn’t going to make it to this concert. It was going to be an awesome concert, so I didn’t want to miss it – I said I’d take tickets, and I paid $100 out of my own pocket because I felt bad for the other ticket. I literally had 1 hour – so I basically gave a friend a free ticket to the concert so that I didn’t have to go alone.
    – We were really good friends – and now he’s being a complete shitty friend.
    – I don’t care that he got a girlfriend, but he could have at least said something so I didn’t have to find out passively in a text message. Avoiding the situation is always easier, but shit will always reveal itself so grow some balls if you actually care about our friendship. He literally met this girl on Match.com because apparently his profile was about to expire?


    omglifeisweird
    Participant
    September 26, 2017 at 9:58 am #150309

    (Part 7)

    – So did he meet this girl while I was on my trip and was never interested to begin with?
    – Getting a girlfriend means you can’t even acknowledge your friends and the people that care about you?

    There are a lot of other similar scenarios that I could mention that feel like a blow to the face. But I really do not know how to act in this situation. There is a lot of shit going through my mind, so I’m wondering if I should tell him what I actually think or just delete him from my life altogether, which I don’t want to do because we are good friends that have way too much in common and would be a shame to lose that.

    – Did he just lose interest altogether when he met a new girl in my absence?
    – Did I fail to address what our relationship really was and he thought it wouldn’t go anywhere since we were still just ‘friends’?


    omglifeisweird
    Participant
    September 26, 2017 at 9:58 am #150310

    (Part 8)

    Is he too awkward to address the situation or does he really not want to be friends anymore? Does he know he’s being an asshole? I’ve run this through my head so many times and I can’t think of a scenario where he doesn’t come out an asshole.

    I could keep going… but let me know what your thoughts are and if you have questions – I am happy to answer, just want to know what the fuck I do moving forward!!

    ***END***


    omglifeisweird
    Participant
    September 26, 2017 at 9:59 am #150311

    UPDATE on yesterday’s rant: I’m not mad he got a girlfriend, but our relationship wasn’t ever very physical anyways because we were mostly just really good friends. I was invested in the friendship, ultimately we’re too alike anyways to have had a relationship work and I’m kind of relieved that I now don’t have to have an awkward conversation. The best part is that when we started making out the first time he was like “I don’t want this to end up awkward.” And then he went and made that shit SO awkward lol.


    omglifeisweird
    Participant
    September 26, 2017 at 10:00 am #150312

    Update Part 2:

    Not to mention he has some major sleeping issues – he once literally tried to strangle me in his sleep and I had to scream abruptly to break free and fell on the ground LMAO. I literally don’t think he has any idea though, I didn’t want to make him feel bad so I never told him haha. I read about that condition REM Sleep Behavior Disorder, people have killed their partners in their sleep accidentally, so I’m pretty sure this situation is a good thing. It’s pretty rare disorder – and apparently there isn’t anything you can do about, it only gets worse, so I wish them the best of luck 🙂

    Honesty that felt good writing it all out and I feel great now, now just relieved I don’t have to continue with the +Benefits. I am still sad about not having an honest conversation with a good friend to avoid making things awkward, but I’m sure he’ll come around. Anonymous venting on the internet really does work like a charm, I honestly can’t even remember why I was mad. Thanks!!


    omglifeisweird
    Participant
    September 26, 2017 at 10:00 am #150313

    CONTINUED (Part 2)

    The night before I left, he basically was all over me. He wanted to buy me breakfast beforehand, then drive me to the airport. Of course, he offers to pick me up when I return from my trip too. At this point, I’m feeling like we’re basically dating already, there just hasn’t been a label put on it yet. We are both a bit awkward, and he doesn’t express emotions well, but as far as I could tell it seemed like we had been on the same page.

    While I’m on my trip, we continue to text, and about halfway through the tone of voice on our texts start to change. I didn’t think of it as a huge deal as I was 7 hours ahead, and figured we pick up where we left off anyways when I got back. However, when I mentioned when I’d be arriving, he no longer offered to pick me up from the airport. I thought ok, I’ll just take an Uber – not a big deal, I don’t expect anyone to that anyway.

    We hang out the day after I get back, and he acts like he doesn’t even want to touch me.


    omglifeisweird
    Participant
    September 26, 2017 at 10:00 am #150314

    CONTINUED (Part 2)

    The night before I left, he basically was all over me. He wanted to buy me breakfast beforehand, then drive me to the airport. Of course, he offers to pick me up when I return from my trip too. At this point, I’m feeling like we’re basically dating already, there just hasn’t been a label put on it yet. We are both a bit awkward, and he doesn’t express emotions well, but as far as I could tell it seemed like we had been on the same page.

    While I’m on my trip, we continue to text, and about halfway through the tone of voice on our texts start to change. I didn’t think of it as a huge deal as I was 7 hours ahead, and figured we pick up where we left off anyways when I got back. However, when I mentioned when I’d be arriving, he no longer offered to pick me up from the airport. I thought ok, I’ll just take an Uber – not a big deal, I don’t expect anyone to that anyway.

    We hang out the day after I get back, and he acts like he doesn’t even want to touch me. I don’t eve