My friend/SO is afraid of messing up our relationship and I'm really confused.

DATING ADVICE FORUM

My friend/SO is afraid of messing up our relationship and I'm really confused.

    Author
    Comments

  • definitelynotanowl
    Participant
    October 17, 2016 at 11:51 am #114316
    My friend/SO is afraid of messing up our relationship and I'm really confused.

    Okay, so I’ve been friends with this person for a year now, and around a week and a half ago we confessed our feelings for each other via messenger, and kind of entered a romantic relationship.

    I was talking to them a few nights ago, and I just casually mentioned that I wanted to kiss them (saying that over messenger may not have been a great move, but I did it and I can’t change that now), and then they said that they aren’t sure if they’re ready for a relationship like this yet. They said that they’re still attracted to me, and they still want a relationship, but they’re so afraid of messing up the friendship that we already have, and they don’t want to let me get too close in case they ruin everything.

    I’m really confused and kind of hurt. For now we’ve agreed to just be friends, because they’re too afraid of messing everything up.

    I looked this topic up, and every forum I found said this means that they’re not interested, but they’ve already told me that they are?


    definitelynotanowl
    Participant
    October 17, 2016 at 11:58 am #114318

    I guess what I’m trying to ask is what should I do from here? Should I just accept that this relationship will probably never happen because they’re so afraid of messing up, and just leave it? Or should I try and find a way to let them know that I trust them and I know that they won’t mess up/won’t hate them if they do mess up?

    They’re also acting like it’s impossible for us to still act like friends and also be in a romantic relationship, which is just silly. It would be a pretty bad relationship if you weren’t even friends with the person you were dating.

    Should I try and get someone to mention this to them? Like their flatmate or someone?

    I still want to be in a relationship with them, but I also respect their wishes and won’t do anything without their consent, so unless I can show them that they’re not going to mess up, then I don’t think it’s going to happen. They also mentioned that they have a history of messing up friendships in this way, so they’re afraid.


    109ball02
    Participant
    October 17, 2016 at 1:48 pm #114338

    short answer: they are not ready to be in a relationship. Not with you for sure, and with an answer like that, probably in general.


    definitelynotanowl
    Participant
    October 17, 2016 at 5:21 pm #114371

    short answer: they are not ready to be in a relationship. Not with you for sure, and with an answer like that, probably in general.

    Yeah. I’ve already told them that I’ll just be their friend if that’s what they want, and that I won’t do anything that they don’t want to do.

    A friend of mine thinks that I should pursue this issue, but I don’t think that would be a good idea at this exact moment in time, because then I would be going back on my promise of not pushing them into something that they don’t want.

    This whole situation does suck, but I’m more interested in their happiness than my own interests, so I’m basically just going to do what they want me to do.