Need advice from single moms and long term married women

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Need advice from single moms and long term married women

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    Monogomusonlyduh
    Participant
    July 22, 2016 at 10:53 am #106136
    Need advice from single moms and long term married women

    I need solid advice on this one and I can’t afford and don’t have the time for a therapist so I have turned to this forum in hopes of answers. A little background, I am a single mother, I left her father because he was abusive and more so over time, and he was just too shady and not good to me. I have one daughter and I have worked hard to give her a decent life, with a little apartment, her own little bedroom and we even have a dog that she is growing to love 🙂 I have a good life as far as I’m concerned.
    My issue or confusion has come from my new relationship with my best friend of 5 years. The man never made a move on me, never disrespects me, would never do anything to hurt me and is a good guy with a great family and a good work ethic. My only problems with him seem to stem from the fact that he is 22 years old, an only child and has been single aside from 5 months in high school.
    Since we have been dating (about 3 months) we have had some issues.

    corkylynnx
    corkylynnx
    Participant
    July 23, 2016 at 10:51 am #106316

    I am a single mum and I don’t know your age difference but it does seem that this guy doesn’t seem to have any experience in the relationship area. I would say this could be some reasons why you are having issues but I’m not sure what kind of issues. He may lack maturity in dealing with this issues and that could be why these problems may not be getting solved properly as with an older more mature man, he may have some better experience resolving issues but that’s not always the case either.

    I would ask him if he would be interested in reading any relationship communication articles with you about the subjects you’re having problems with or get a good couples communication book to put you on the right track if he is open to it? Some men are open and some aren’t and think you’re trying to change them. Hopefully, he has an open-mind and is a willing partner to actually want to listen that you would like to work on your issues and it’s even healthy to have disagreements.


    Monogomusonlyduh
    Participant
    July 25, 2016 at 9:22 am #106140

    He is slightly privileged and drives and his friends take advantage of him. He has not been making me his first priority (and I am not speaking above his parents, responsibility, or friends who may really need him to be there for them, im speaking as far as leisure) I have been very lenient and I am very foreward with him, i have told him my expectations ( not breaking our plans, keeping his word unless there are more pressing matters that come up) im very understanding and i love his parents and close friends already. How exactly do I get him to understand that I’m serious. I told him I want to work towards settling down before I started this relationship and he does too. He loves that I’m a mom he loves my daughter. So how long should I wait for him to settle into this? How long should I take him seriously before I consider walking if he continues to act single minded. Or to adjust I suppose. My time is precious and I want to use it wisely.


    Monogomusonlyduh
    Participant
    July 25, 2016 at 9:23 am #106148

    1. He is not making me a priority and does let his friend s interfere with our plans much more than is acceptable.
    2. He takes frustration out on me from his friends doing that even though he knows he’s at fault
    3. Doesn’t understand that some of his friends are using him because he drives
    4. Has become flaky and then promises to make me his first priority (aside from parents or a friend who really need some emotional support, crisis etc )
    5. Is single minded, is an only child and has been single up to 22 years old aside from 5 months in high school

    How long do I wait for him to adjust. And how do I show him that I will walk if he doesn’t keep his word. I love this guy already, but he had been disappointing me much more than expected and my time is precious.


    Nikki
    Participant
    July 26, 2016 at 10:03 am #106546

    He might be a nice guy, but much too inmature for a mother of almost any age. You should find someone to improve your situation; not take away from it. What is best for you daughter should be your first priority.