need advice on girl I am dating!

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need advice on girl I am dating!

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    LSUPeart
    Participant
    July 25, 2014 at 11:48 pm #58306
    need advice on girl I am dating!

    I met this girl at my church about 6 months ago. I was always attracted to her but I was scared to ask her out because I thought she was out of my league. About 6 weeks ago, she initiated interested in me and we have been talking ever since but oh man is it complicated! When we first went out, she told me she was unsure how she felt. We kept talking and went out a few more times and then I called her a few days ago and said I wanted to start seeing her more often. She completely freaked out, told me she didn’t think we were right for each other and that an ex had contacted her a few weeks earlier telling her he wanted to get back together with her. I “talked her down” and by the end of the conversation she was apologizing for saying those things and said she wanted to continue seeing me. She has since then texted me every day and even planned our next date. I know traditional wisdom says it’s not going to work out and get out while you can but I have fallen in love. thoughts?


    Anonymous
    July 26, 2014 at 12:08 pm #58314

    fallen in love???? You barely know this girl! Slow down a bit and gain some perspective here. First, know that your heart is sooooo valuable and is not to be handed over to anyone so freely. One of my steadfast rules is that I never really know if I am “in love” with someone until I have seen them in their worst. I need to see how they treat me, themselves, others and how they handle the most difficult challenges. It is those moments that can make or break a relationship. Once I see him in that type of situation and I see that even in his worst moments, he is still kind, respectful and deals with the situation with integrity, THEN and only then can I say that I am in love (if everything else is in place of course). Being in love means you have seen and know all the shades to who that person is and you accept it and embrace it. What if she is abusive when she gets angry (physically or verbally), what if she is the type to shut down and not talk when she gets mad, what if she


    Anonymous
    July 26, 2014 at 12:12 pm #58315

    is the super jealous type that looks through your phone and emails, what if she is the type that is so insecure and doesn’t know how to be alone and is a chronic relationship girl and super co-dependent???? You know very little about her and how she handles the many adventures that life brings. You are already putting her on a pedestal that she doesn’t deserve to be on! So slow it down and get to know her and pay attention to how she handles life….give it a lot of time before you use that word “love” with her. Make her earn the right to be close to your heart! How it works out, who the heck knows….it sounds like at this point, there is a green light, so you just walk through the door. If it stays open, cool! If it shuts, then you adjust and deal with what that means. Either way, keep your eyes open and take it slow!


    LSUPeart
    Participant
    July 28, 2014 at 8:50 am #58327

    She is so unsure of me now and I have never seen uncertainty turn into certainty and a relationship, have you?


    LSUPeart
    Participant
    July 28, 2014 at 8:50 am #58324

    Thanks Heidi.


    LSUPeart
    Participant
    July 28, 2014 at 8:51 am #58325

    Thanks Heidi