Need help with someone I've been "dating"

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Need help with someone I've been "dating"

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
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    JokesOnMe
    JokesOnMe
    Participant
    October 1, 2015 at 1:38 am #86294
    Need help with someone I've been "dating"

    Alright, so this is going to be a long post so if you aren’t prepared you better buckle in.

    So I met this girl on an online dating site and we have gone on 3 dates/meet ups. I have a very strong emotional connection towards her and I think about her constantly but I am trying to not let it control me. I am not trying to get with her for sex, I just want to be close with her.

    So, the meat of it is that we have been very intimate (laid in my bed spooning for a couple of hours while making conversation). I have kissed her on two of our “dates” and on the third encounter it felt much more natural. We are very affectionate towards each other in person, and I am wondering what are the next steps here? I am less familiar with “the chase” as both of my exes were the ones all over me, but I just need to understand the logical progression here.

    I am not trying to put this relationship in jeopardy, but she has many guy friends and I want her to know that I am looking for more.

    JokesOnMe
    JokesOnMe
    Participant
    October 1, 2015 at 1:48 am #86302

    It’s important to note that she has had sex quite a bit, but I have only had one sex partner. I had health issues for 90% of my life that left me with all too little sex drive to even pursue girls. I am a fairly attractive, taller, fit, white male that has no problems attracting girls, I just don’t pursue ones that I don’t connect with emotionally.

    Also, on two of the meet ups I drove up to her (an hour to hour and a half each way) and she drove to my house last night. So, she did reciprocate the action so I don’t feel cheated or anything. When I’m around her I feel privileged to be there with her but when we talk through text she seems way less interested. She will look at my message and then not respond, I might be overwhelming her, but I’m just asking stuff like “what do you want to do the next time we see each other?”

    We relate on many levels but I just want to make sure we are on the same page before I do something rash and botch it.


    dandocash
    Participant
    October 1, 2015 at 8:29 am #86307

    I would take it upon myself to ease up and let things form organically or talk to her about it, only two real options.

    Spartan117
    Spartan117
    Participant
    October 1, 2015 at 8:29 am #86312

    Firstly, do not keep asking her what you two should do the next time you see one another. Plan something out in advance, maybe something you learned from her from your past conversations or something you are interested in, maybe even something you both haven’t done before! But sometimes it is best to just have something scheduled instead of being like, “Uhh I don’t know, what do you want to do?” Plan ahead, a casual date maybe in the day time with no sex. I don’t know if you two banged on each date, but let her know you’re serious and want more, not just ass. She might be wondering too where you two stand.

    If she seems to give little feedback through text, then maybe you should take a break from it. See if she’ll initiate a text if you’re making all the effort.

    Just keep the dates going with no sex, she might actually crave you more and wonder yet still be affectionate towards her on these outtings.


    luke101
    Participant
    October 1, 2015 at 9:36 pm #86353

    kk

    JokesOnMe
    JokesOnMe
    Participant
    October 2, 2015 at 12:43 am #86355

    We have not had sex, and I’ve been explicit in saying that I don’t find that important when I am just getting to know someone. I talked to her through Facebook daily, but I am going to spend tomorrow giving her the cold shoulder and see if she messages me on her own. She seems just way less responsive through text and the nature of my job means I can’t just call whenever I want. I also don’t ask her what she wants to do while we are out, everything is planned beforehand. I don’t know, I’ve always been the one in my groups of friends and in relationships to have to plan outings so I feel like I need to do it.

    Sometimes she does a hard switch on topics if I ask her a question, I don’t know. I think it’s mainly because she was let down by an ex earlier this year because of some health complications. I have been very considerate of those things and I don’t press hard for answers, but if I don’t get an answer within like 3-5 hours I’ll maybe shoot another message in succession.

    JokesOnMe
    JokesOnMe
    Participant
    October 2, 2015 at 12:50 am #86356

    I think the organic conversation recommendation is good but I tend to sit around and check my phone and wait for another message. I guess that’s more of a personal problem as I instinctively check my phone every couple minutes even if I didn’t feel it vibrate.

    I guess the real bottom line is, I don’t have an issue planning things because I have done that forever. I typically over-think dating scenarios so I probably just need to focus on work or fixing up my car to break my mind away from things. I just want to make sure before emotionally investing anymore that I am not wasting my effort. It would kind of suck because all three times we have met up we hit it off really well. I’ve usually had to adjust my personality for girls and I have not had to really do that in this case. However, I think my tendency to be slightly needy could be my downfall here.

    I’ll probably ask her in person next time we meet up if we are on the same page with feelings.

    Spartan117
    Spartan117
    Participant
    October 2, 2015 at 2:31 am #86361

    Yes, I think asking her where you two stand would be a good idea. And it’s alright to be a bit needy, it just means you care. Sorry for assuming you had sex with her, I thought spooning was an act of sexual behavior but I’m guessing you two were clothed cuddling each other in that position? Lol

    Try not to message her if she hasn’t respond in 3-5 hours, just let it go. She could be busy or something else, you’ll never really know. I am talking to a guy and sometimes that is the same case for me so I just leave it alone and don’t respond until an hour or two once he does message.

    I hope she messages you!!! 😀 Don’t worry, she’ll be wondering about you, guaranteed.


    toast23
    Participant
    October 4, 2015 at 4:08 am #86448

    I’m in a similar situation right now actually but she’s the one with less experience than me. To be honest the best approach and advice I can give you is to chill out, keep it lighthearted and keep the dates flowing. Make sure they’re fun and don’t get too caught up on having serious chats. If she wants something more serious she will let you know. It’s your job to make her enjoy your company. Also, make sure the dates are at night, you’ve got more chance of taking further than in the day. Keep texting to a minimum, arrange a date and don’t get into chit chat. Do other things and make her wonder about you; it’s too early to make this girl your life, you’re setting your self up for disappointment, but don’t worry, we’ve all done it at some point

    • This reply was modified 2 years ago by  toast23.