No idea what to do

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No idea what to do

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    John123
    Participant
    October 22, 2015 at 7:22 am #87184
    No idea what to do

    I have been with a girl for just over 7 months and a couple of days ago she said we needed to talk.

    The last week to ten days have been a little strained. We spoke and she said that because the feeling is not there yet then she has become irritated as she wonders why not and has said that even though she wishes it wasn’t the case we should move on and be friends. She said that she has thought like this for the last 3-4 weeks and it is getting worse. She said in time she might grow to miss me and she hopes that is the case but only time will tell.

    I am 25 and she is 32 with 2 kids. She was in a long term relationship (12 years) with the children’s father until he left home 5 years ago. She has been very honest with me from the beginning and told me that she does not think she will be able to allow herself to love anyone again because she cannot leave herself in a position were her heart could get broken again. She has told me that since the split she has only dated two people


    John123
    Participant
    October 22, 2015 at 7:24 am #87185

    but got scared after a couple of months and ended it. I am the first person she has been involved in a relationship with and she says that in this time she has learnt a lot about herself and is glad she took the risk but is now not sure a relationship is for her. I have met all of her family and been to family events and she has spoke about the possibility of me meeting the children. The children have known about me for the last four months. Three weeks ago she told me that she had spoke to the children’s dad about the possibility of her introducing them to me and he said he was fine with that. She then made plans for the four of us to meet up later this month after asking the children if they would be ok with that which they said they would be (which would have been in a weeks time) but she then told me last week that she was not ready.

    After a few dates I was pretty sure in my mind this girl was for me. We get on very well, we have the same interests, we have a laugh and there is


    John123
    Participant
    October 22, 2015 at 9:11 am #87186

    definitely chemistry there. I feel as though I have suffocated and exhausted her with my thoughts though. I have told her how I feel about her and how I see her in my long term future. When we have spoke about the kids I have told her that I knew from the very beginning that they would become apart of this and I am ready for that when she is. I buy her flowers every week and I treat her as best as I can. She has said to me on a few occasions do I really want to be with a girl like her? A girl who doesn’t do the same in return and isn’t all lovey dovey. She has also said to me over the last month or so that we need to chill and go with the flow instead of thinking far ahead. That is what I have wanted and do want but at times I have questioned her about the future and what could happen.

    Do you think with time apart she could grow to want me back or have I pushed her too far mentally that there is no way back now as anything more than friends? Do I make contact or leave it for a while


    M235M
    Participant
    October 24, 2015 at 12:58 am #87304

    Sounds like she has been very open and honest with you regarding how she feels. That is 90% of the battle my brother…… I think you need to honor what she wishes to do. If she is trying to slow things down a bit then slower is the way it must be. There are no shortcuts. You can either be patient or move on…..