Not knowing where I stand – should I walk away?

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Not knowing where I stand – should I walk away?

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    JBennet
    Participant
    May 22, 2017 at 10:18 am #137196
    Not knowing where I stand – should I walk away?

    So about 4 months ago I met this girl. We worked together, and a few smiles and a word or two from a colleague and it turned out we both liked each other, so I asked her out. We dated for 3 months, a month of which was long-distance, but she travelled halfway across the country to see me for a weekend during it. We dated for a few weeks when I got back, even began to call each other boyfriend and girlfriend briefly.

    Then on a weekend away together she told me she still had feelings for her ex.

    Let me put this in some perspective – she has been with another guy for 6 years. She told me that 6 months before she broke it off with him, she began to see him as more of a friend until eventually breaking up with him. It was only a few weeks after this that I asked her out.
    On this weekend away our first day had been incredible. Then the next day, she was distant and cold, completely out of the blue, until I asked her what was wrong, and she told me that she still had feelings for her ex. 1/


    JBennet
    Participant
    May 22, 2017 at 10:20 am #137197

    I understand that 3 months is nothing compared to 6 years, but I truly fell for this girl and saw it going somewhere amazing. We really clicked, not just on a sexual level, but on a really deep personal one too. At least to me.
    So after we broke up I had a few awful days at work running into her. She did text me after a day or so and I replied, and since we parted ways we have texted or spoken every day for 5 weeks. She told me a week after we broke up that she had met with her ex to “sort things out” and when I asked if they were back together she said she’d “see how things went”. I took this as an answer and left it.

    But she wanted to meet me to talk about a week after that. I told her I wasn’t interested if it was just for her to tell me again that she was back with him. But she said it wasn’t about that, and she really cared about me and wanted to talk. So we met, and chatted about how we felt. She said the urge she’d had to go baxk to him wasn’t strong any more 2/

    lovie4you
    lovie4you
    Participant
    May 22, 2017 at 10:48 am #137209

    Personally, I think she still has feelings for her ex but her ex-was not interested in taking her back.So, now the question is what are you going to do? You do have to either deal with her or move on. I’m not sure how to advise you on that one.


    JBennet
    Participant
    May 23, 2017 at 8:55 am #137201

    After we’d slept together I asked if she was any closer to making a decision. She said she was, but didn’t elaborate. I told her what I thought – she sees her ex as a comfort blanket. He “could” make her happy, so she said. All her friends and he are in the same social group. Those friends want them back together. Her mum convinced her that no-one could look after her as well as he did. She doesn’t want to let people down or disappoint them. And if she went for me and things didn’t work out, she’d have lost her comfort blanket and burnt her bridges.
    She told me I was right. So I told her that she had to let someone down. 4/


    JBennet
    Participant
    May 23, 2017 at 9:00 am #137199

    but it wasn’t gone. I told her how wild I was about her, and actually at the end of this meeting, we kissed.
    Then I didn’t see her for another 2 weeks. And we met up for drinks and she told me she’d had all these doubts about me being right for her. And that she had been meeting up with her ex too. That hurt me and she knew it. I tried to tackle each of these doubts and really laid down how I felt about her. At the end of that night, we ended up fooling around in my car, and two days later she came round to mine and we had sex. That time she seemed really, really into me. She was hanging on my every word and getting close to me all the time. 3/


    JBennet
    Participant
    May 23, 2017 at 9:06 am #137202

    A week later I had a bad day, and couldn’t get her out of my head. I was thinking about telling her she had to choose. But she wanted to meet me the next day, and we slept together again.

    I don’t know what to do. I get such mixed signals from her. Should I stay in the game or tell her I’m out if she doesn’t decide? I worry that if I do that, she’ll just go back to him because I’m nt in the picture any more. I don’t wnt to lose her because I think we really did have something special. Any ideas?


    lilflojo
    Participant
    May 24, 2017 at 4:54 pm #137527

    If I were you then I would walk away. It’s hard when you really like someone and things have felt really good for you. But it seems she just wants to sleep with you and that’s it! Don’t let her walk all over you! You are worth so much more than that!