Not Sure How to Address

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Not Sure How to Address

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    soconfused
    Participant
    January 3, 2013 at 8:04 am #19817
    Not Sure How to Address

    I’ve been dating a guy I met online for 10 months now. Our relationship is wonderful. At 47, I must say it is best I have EVER been in except for… 10 months ago, I had opened up my profile page on an online dating site. That day, I decided that I was going to cancel it, when I received an alert that I should check some guys out. One of them tickled my fancy and I responded. In his profile, he mentioned that he was not yet divorced, but legally separated and it was just a matter of working out the kinks. My previous divorce took three months. It was a shady area, but one I would consider based on my experience. I will get to the point not to bore people with all the details. During the last ten months, he has introduced me to everyone and I mean everyone, even his parents and siblings. As the months went along, it became very clear that he was not going to be able to wrap things up as the divorce is very contentious involving alimony and child support. Thanksgiving came around and I asked him how he was going to handle matters. Was he going to tell his child and ex that he had a girlfriend. He told me he was going to let his child know. It did not happen. I asked if he could over the winter break when she came and he said yes. The latest I know is that he said he left evidence of me out at the apartment so the child could figure it out. He said he didn’t want to come out bluntly about our relationship; that the child was smart and would figure it out. The child is 15 by the way. During the winter break, I never met the kid. The gifts I gave him were hidden in drawers, even my innocuous slippers were stashed deep in a closet. I only know this because I went to spend time with him at his place, while his child was visiting friends. His whole issue in letting the child know is that he doesn’t want to shock the child and he has a very volatile ex. She refuses to work and wants him to foot the bill for her entire life. Mind you, she had an affair and filed for divorce. The state where she lives and where she filed for divorce has life spousal support.

    Ironically, I feel like the other woman. I have no reason to be the other woman. I am free and clear. It is not so much that I want to desperately meet the child. I just don’t want to feel hidden. How do I approach the situation? I want to tell him that until he is legally divorced, that we should take a break. It’s not right for me and it’s causing him undue duress. Let me know. Thank you.