Not sure how to morally go about this


Not sure how to morally go about this

  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    March 8, 2016 at 11:03 am #95218
    Not sure how to morally go about this

    I’ll try to make a long story short. I started dating my current girlfriend just about a year and a half ago and I’m planning on proposing in the next 6 months. Now a little background on the situation, growing up, I lost two really good friends, one to a car accident and one to an over dose. Over the years, I have always told everyone that the three of us were in a car accident, and I’m the only one that made it (terrible I know, but it made things easier and I don’t need to hear how bad of a person I am for telling people that). The reason I don’t mention the overdose is purely out of respect. I have never wanted anyone to judge my friend for it. Now for my girlfriend, she too lost her best friend in a car accident at a younger age. Our experiences were a bonding point for us, but I’m having a hard time settling with the fact mine is not fully the truth. Now that I am on the verge of proposing, I feel like I need to say something but I don’t want to lose her. Should I? How? Thoughts?

    March 8, 2016 at 4:25 pm #95228

    I think you can certainly come clean and do so in a way that makes you look good, or at least not bad to her.

    You and your girlfriend still have the common bond of losing a close friend in a car accident, so there’s nothing to worry about there.

    If this is really eating at you and you can’t let it go, I’d tell her: “There’s something I’ve been wanting to tell you. One of my friends that died? It wasn’t in a car accident. He had a problem and he overdosed. I’ve always said otherwise because I don’t want people to judge him. I wanted to come clean with you, and I hope you can forgive me.”

    She’ll probably think you’re brave for telling her.

    But personally? I’d just let it go. Focus on the present and the future with her.

    March 8, 2016 at 6:14 pm #95235

    I would be content with letting it go, but I’m afraid that it will somehow come up in a conversation with her and my family and they’d tell her I’m lying. And obviously, I’d rather be the one to tell her. But then there’s that question in the back of my mind that says “would it ever come up?”
    Now, her and I were at a wedding this last weekend and they had a table with pictures on it that said “those who are watching from above” and had all of their past relatives. She liked that idea and mentioned do it at our wedding… She would probably expect me to want to put them on that

    March 8, 2016 at 9:51 pm #95238

    I agree only tell her if it’s eating away at you otherwise she doesn’t need to know if it ever comes up you can explain you said it out of respect for your friend.

    March 9, 2016 at 3:49 am #95248

    There a difference between a good lie and a bad lie. You may have lie about one of your friend dying from a car accident but you did it with a good intention. It not something she should make a big deal out of. What important is the feeling you have for each other and not a story that you guys have in common. So just tell her the truth. She would understand

    March 9, 2016 at 10:54 am #95282

    I”ve read too many stories (both fantasies and real) and this is the most of what can I say. I think the best way to do here is telling her the truth. If she really loves you, she’ll understand. She may be a bit angry at first since you lied to her, but if you will tell her the reasons why you lied, she will understand you. It’s just my opinions anyway.