Not sure how to proceed…

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Not sure how to proceed…

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
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    chronicllysingle
    chronicllysingle
    Participant
    January 4, 2017 at 6:13 pm #121763
    Not sure how to proceed…

    Last year I dated this woman and we seemed to hit it off really well. We dated pretty regularly for a few months when I brought up that I was looking to take the relationship to the next level (i.e. exclusive boyfriend/girlfriend) but she was reluctant. A couple months later I made a side comment about boyfriend and later that weekend she texted me she wasn’t anybody’s girlfriend, to which I told her I was looking for something more serious at this point and we stopped seeing each other. Over the holidays we have been kind of texting occasional niceties back and forth but nothing serious, however a couple of times she has mentioned she misses me. I really liked her and even developed strong feelings towards her and was sad it didn’t develop into something serious. Now I’m wondering if she’s realized she liked me more than she let on earlier or if she’s just bored and looking for someone to hang with again. We had good chemistry, she just didn’t want a serious relationship at the time. I’m just trying to figure out how to proceed. I’m not really seeing anybody at the moment, so I have really nothing to lose by seeing where things might go with her but I also don’t want to start seeing her again if she’s still not interested in it developing into something more serious. I feel like on the one hand I should just move on, but on the other maybe I should be up-front and tell her how I feel and I’m willing to give it a try again but only if it can develop into something more serious. I’m not getting any younger and don’t really want to waste another eight or more months with her if she’s still not interested in a serious relationship.


    Frig
    Participant
    January 4, 2017 at 9:04 pm #121768

    Chemistry between people is absolutely invaluable.. I could understand that she’d even pretend she’s more interested than she really is in you, just to keep the bond between the two of you. She might not want to be your girlfriend, and that could be very hard for you, but I think you should absolutely keep in touch. If you can resist doing anything physical with her, you might want to do that, so that your deeper feelings at least don’t develop further.
    I was in a similiar situation once.. She pretended she wanted more than she actually did, and she was mighty good at it.. She went out of her way and let me kiss her at mutiple occasions, mostly just to feed me hope I believe.
    Point is, don’t get your hopes up. She might not be lying about missing you, but if she does anything seemingly to improve your realationship all of a sudden – think it over. I’d still want to keep the bond between the two of you though.. Might be hard, but I repeat, chemistry is highly valuable.

    Sincerely, Frig


    AcesDJD
    Participant
    January 5, 2017 at 12:53 am #121775

    Definitely sounds like its worth another try. Just ask her out on some dates and see if you can get things back on track naturally. If things are too forced and awkward, you may have to cut her off, but from what you’ve said here it sounds like it’s worth another good try.


    ineedhelp9696
    Participant
    January 6, 2017 at 7:41 pm #122122

    Take it slow and easy to start with and see how things work out from there


    citofworld
    Participant
    January 20, 2017 at 7:35 am #123853

    I would say you need to be honest with her and ask her some more direct questions to see what her intentions are. That way you know whether or not to move on or keep the communication going

    richiro
    richiro
    Participant
    January 20, 2017 at 11:16 am #123900

    the good ones take a lot of time. What’s very common is one person rushes while the other isn’t ready and its a turn off. that probaly happened here.

    Since you are single, since she misses you – i’d probably recommend taking it easy and trying again slowly…. you don’t want to scare her off again which she’s proven she can be. At the same time she has never shown any signs of wanting to be serious with you (missing somebody after they disappear is automatic.. it doesn’t mean anything. even physically abused victims miss their abusers when it ends… keep that in mind.. it means nothing).

    however.. i would recommend that you proceed with caution, assume it will only be casual, and just enjoy the time rather than shoot and try to make it serious. Just have fun and enjoy it. Whether it gets serious or not will happen on its own, on its own time (don’t push it.. never push it.. always let things happen on their own). NO agenda, NO expectations.