Not sure what to do

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Not sure what to do

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    logansrun
    Participant
    January 25, 2017 at 10:48 am #124423
    Not sure what to do

    So I have met a guy from online. We started texting and we have pretty much texted all day, everyday for a little over a month. We have been on three dates..after the last one we hooked up. Things seem to be going pretty good and steady, but I’ve seen on FB where there are a couple of girls he seems to like. One of which I have noticed she posts lots of lovey dovey junk and he has liked some of them…and he has tagged her and the other girl in stuff. So I kind of think he is dating other people…which could kind of be okay since we are still new and we aren’t really at that exclusive thing…but I’m afraid that maybe he is closer to one of them than me. And I don’t want to waste my time getting closer and closer to him while he actually with someone else. I want to ask him about it, but I don’t want to seem like a psycho, possessive kind of person, especially when all I have to go on is what I’ve seen on stupid FB. Should I ask him about it or let it go and try to ignore it?

    richiro
    richiro
    Participant
    January 25, 2017 at 11:33 am #124439

    hmmm.. very good post.. this is the dilemma of EVERY dating situation really.. are we exclusive or not? and when should we be?

    so yes #1. Unless you declare yourselves exclusive – it is assumed that both people are also seeing others or are allowed to.
    so #2 is.. is it too soon to demand exclusivity? Probably.
    #3 is.. is it okay to ask how things are and if this is “something”, and the one you both want to focus on (sort of asking if we want to be exclusive or headed that way).

    Yes it’s okay to ask #3. You have every right to know. Especially if you are seeing and know of his interest in others (or seeming interest). But this is a slippery slope. He can legitimately and reasonably say “i don’t know, too soon” or “no” or “yes”. Then there is the angle that people “say things” and lie to keep you around. So you may not be able to trust what he says see?

    If it were me: 1) i would have the talk and judge his sincerity, 2) watch very closely his actions b/c actions never lie.


    logansrun
    Participant
    January 25, 2017 at 2:09 pm #124480

    Thanks for the advice. I think I kind of already know what I need to do, which is just have that “where are we headed” conversation. But then I’m not sure how I will react if he says something along the lines of “he’s into me, but not ready for exclusive yet”. Which is really a reasonable response, but I’m not sure if I can knowingly share either. I also wonder if it would almost be better to block the other girls on fb just so I can’t see what’s going on with them so I can just focus on what’s going on with us, since I’m not really ready to call him my “boyfriend” yet either. Dating is stupid. Ha, ha.


    Lilah
    Participant
    January 28, 2017 at 12:58 am #124821

    when dating someone can feel like an emotional roller coaster with that being said its always best to let a person know what you seek prior to doing anything with them just so you and that person are both on the same page of things. try not to “over-stalk” meaning stop looking at his fb page, If you have only been talking for a few weeks and you already have doubts, it is important not to just push them aside. but if something does not feel right, you should trust your intuition. If a guy does not treat you well from the beginning, it is just not logical to expect that he is going to get better with time. You owe it to yourself not to compromise what you want in a boyfriend just because a guy who’s close enough is interested and happens to be right in front of you.

    just ask him and tell him how you feel. make sure you tell him that you considering something more and if he feels the same. dont sugar code anything because thats only going to set you up for failure.


    Floralnochip
    Participant
    January 28, 2017 at 11:19 am #124845

    I think if you’ve only been on three dates and haven’t claimed exclusivity then it may not be in your best interest to ask him about the other girls. Just also keep your options open and maintain a fun life. 🙂