Not sure what to do about this girl

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Not sure what to do about this girl

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    runtothesun
    runtothesun
    Participant
    July 23, 2014 at 7:32 am #58029
    Not sure what to do about this girl

    I’ll divide this into two posts

    Long story short, met this girl at the end of May, we hit it off really well, talked for several days and planned on going out. Had to push back the date a couple of times because of our schedules, and then when we finally had a set date (a week after we originally planned) she flipped a 180 and told me she doesn’t like me anymore cause of some “gut feeling” she had. We still talked every here and there, but for the most part it was clear she wasn’t interested

    Anyways, we got into an argument on fourth of July weekend and it ended with her telling me to just leave her alone, so I did. Didn’t unfriend her or delete her number or anything, just never talked to her again

    Fast forward to this past Thursday night, and I get a message from her saying “So, I know you’re probably still upset with me, and that’s fine, but I just read a new book and thought it was amazing and wanted to recommend it to you.”

    runtothesun
    runtothesun
    Participant
    July 23, 2014 at 7:36 am #58030

    I replied to her the next day with my own book recommendation and that’s all we’ve talked about since. We both finished the books on Sunday and just talked about those and nothing else for a little bit. And that was it

    I thought it was the most random thing. After all, how many girls do you know reject you, tell you to leave them alone, and then after two weeks of not talking decide to recommend you a book? I asked her on Monday if she messaged me just to tell me about a book

    Her reply: “Uhm.. honestly, yes. I read it and thought youd really enjoy it so i figured i’d tell you. I hope you dont mind.”

    I’m not totally buying it. Part of me thinks she’s trying to break the ice or put “feelers” out there. Or she could just be telling me about a book

    What do you guys think? We haven’t talked since Monday


    Anonymous
    July 25, 2014 at 5:29 pm #58286

    hello runtothesun! Wow! there’s a lot going on there! My first red flag is that you guys got into an argument when you barely know each other. My second red flag is that she said don’t talk to her anymore and then she contacts you again with a book suggestion and claims that is all it was. So what your gutt is telling you is pretty right on….for the most part anyways. Here is a little insight that could be a POSSIBILITY….I am talking from experience when I was younger and used to behave in such ways, so maybe she is doing the same thing.

    Whenever I was feeling alone, needy for attention, wanting to connect with someone (and many times I would feel all of this after dealing with some rejection, fights within my family, poor performance on the soccer field etc.), I would end up reaching out to those guys that I knew had a connection with me….because I wanted to feel them respond to me. I was never interested in having a relationship with them, but I was interested in their


    Anonymous
    July 25, 2014 at 5:34 pm #58287

    attention because I was in a low spot and needed something to make me feel better. The attention was a “drug” so to speak. It’s not a nice game to play and I have hurt plenty of guys by doing that. It’s quite selfish mixed with doing what I could to survive my life. Who is to say that she is doing that….or even that she is aware of what she is doing (most people are not that aware). So I suggest to stay away from this one and let her connect with someone else. My guess is that she is a train wreck deep inside. But maybe you are as well and sometimes that can go well together. It just depends on what you want. But being that her “gut” feeling was that she was not interested in the first place, maybe you would want to invest your energy into someone who is so inspired by you, wants to be with you without question, wants to spend time with you etc. That’s more fun anyways than spending your time playing guessing games with what’s really going on right???


    LSUPeart
    Participant
    July 25, 2014 at 11:38 pm #58304

    Give it another try gently. I had the same thing with a girl I met online tell me she wasn’t interested and I messaged her a few months later telling her my band was playing and everything started from scratch..

    runtothesun
    runtothesun
    Participant
    July 27, 2014 at 7:13 am #58329

    Hey all, thank you for your responses

    I think she was just looking for attention, either that or she was feeling guilty about our argument a few weeks back and messaged me with a book recommendation as a means to see if I was still upset with her

    And I’m fairly confident in this because I messaged her on Wednesday with my own “recommendation” just to see if she’d reply, and it’s Sunday morning and she hasn’t, and it’s doubtful she will. I probably won’t try again

    I’ll be honest with you guys though, I can’t shake her off my mind and I don’t know why. I’ve landed dates with other girls, been flirting with a few more, and yet she’s the one in my head at the end of the day. It’s kinda frustrating, because I’m 100% aware that she’s immature, indecisive, a train wreck, etc. But I can’t get her out of my mind

    On a more minor note, I’m a writer, and I’ve written a ton this summer because I’ve been using her as my muse. Sounds silly, but yeah


    Anonymous
    July 27, 2014 at 2:41 pm #58350

    hahaha! I get how frustrating that is! I have occasionally come across a guy like that! It drives me nuts! I personally link it to some past life stuff that would cause me to energetically stay linked to someone who is definitely not a healthy experience for me… If that is not your belief system, you can also start looking at what EXACTLY is causing you to stay connected to her? Through all of her messiness, there is something that you are seeing or feeling that is the hook. The hook can even be in you….maybe you are the rescuer type and love to “save” women so to speak….maybe you got hooked because you can’t have her. Plenty of people loooove the chase….explore those arenas and see if you come up with anything….good luck!

    runtothesun
    runtothesun
    Participant
    July 28, 2014 at 1:49 am #58366

    That’s the thing though, I’ve been rejected plenty of times this past year, and I wasn’t “hooked” at all, just dropped them and moved on. Also met girls with problems, and I didn’t wanna rescue them (last girl I dated was a borderline alcoholic, and I wanted nothing to do with that)

    I dunno. I look at the people we were when we met and the people we are now and it’s not even close to the same. We clicked so well and then it just fell apart

    runtothesun
    runtothesun
    Participant
    July 29, 2014 at 6:23 pm #58475

    A small update, yesterday afternoon we were talking and being flirty. We were making fun of each other’s colleges, I teased her about being short, stuff like that. I brought up us going out a few times (for example, I joked that I’d be tempted to pick her up when we went out cause she’s only five feet tall, and she said “Ugh, please don’t haha”) and she went along with it, from the looks of it (like I jokingly asked if she’d be offended if she showed up to our date and I had a pair of heels to make her my height, and she said “I’d be very offended hahaha”)

    Haven’t talked to her since, but thinking about asking her out soon

    runtothesun
    runtothesun
    Participant
    July 30, 2014 at 8:39 am #58508
    Reply To: Not sure what to do about this girl

    Another update: yesterday I messaged her briefly to first apologize if I took the height jokes too far, and secondly asked her out again for next week. She hasn’t replied

    I feel like I have no idea what I’m doing


    oliver83
    Participant
    July 30, 2014 at 12:37 pm #58554
    Reply To: Not sure what to do about this girl

    Hi runtothesun

    my only advice to you is that, dont ever listen to a girl’s words, since you’ll never be able to follow them anyway. But look into her actions. Yeah yeah she can go along with your little flirtation online, but when it comes to ‘serious’ and ‘real’ thing, like a date, watch her respond, that would tell you all. Not the words.

    Hope this helped.

    runtothesun
    runtothesun
    Participant
    July 30, 2014 at 11:40 pm #58613
    Reply To: Not sure what to do about this girl

    Hi runtothesun
    my only advice to you is that, dont ever listen to a girl’s words, since you’ll never be able to follow them anyway. But look into her actions. Yeah yeah she can go along with your little flirtation online, but when it comes to ‘serious’ and ‘real’ thing, like a date, watch her respond, that would tell you all. Not the words.
    Hope this helped.

    This makes perfect sense, thank you