not sure what to think about this girl…

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not sure what to think about this girl…

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  • cosmicdust
    Participant
    November 9, 2016 at 4:34 am #116799
    not sure what to think about this girl…

    I’ve been talking to a girl in class for two months now. I was immediately interested in her but found out on facebook that she had a bf, however I continued to show interest in her.

    A few weeks ago she tells me she broke up with bf and wanted my number so we could ‘hang out’. I asked her to study for a test, to which she agreed, which I thought was good since we both(hopefully) know we don’t really need to study. We both do well in the class.

    Next, I asked her to go to an amusement park for halloween, which she seemed excited about at first but seemed to loose interest, we didn’t go.

    I thought I had missed my chance, but last week she asked me out to get sushi, using what I believe was a cover story of her car not working.(so I could drive us, she told me today she is driving over 100 miles home this weekend and the car still isn’t fixed).

    Today I asked her out to eat again this thursday but she said her friends might have plans with her already, so she will let me know.


    cosmicdust
    Participant
    November 9, 2016 at 4:40 am #116800

    Apologies if stacking posts like this isn’t allowed, but I have a lot of information here.

    Also, throughout all of this she has repeatedly told me about creepy guys that are after her, trying to get her number, saying sexist things to her face, etc.
    What does it mean that she tells me these things? For example, as I was driving us to the sushi place, she said she would never get in one of these creey guys’ car for fear of them trying to pull something. So she is telling me that she trusts me, at least.

    And I don’t know how she views me asking her out to do stuff. I thought the halloween thing was clearly a date, but if she wasn’t interested, would she still be wanting to see me and spend time with me?

    Basically getting mixed messages from her.


    Rich1
    Participant
    November 9, 2016 at 5:53 pm #116937

    Women are attracted to and are turned on by words tell her things that she can feel with her emotions ! Don’t talk logical logical talk is like giving directions. Touch her when ever possible massage her neck kiss her hand guide her with your hand on the small of her back insinuate indirect sexual deas in her mind .if you are to direct early on you risk stirring up a resistance that may never be lowered approach indirectly from the side haunt the periphery of her existance

    will donati
    will donati
    Participant
    November 10, 2016 at 6:57 am #116958

    I guess she is playing with your emotions. beware of such girls. they wont take you seriously. wait and watch. If she is sincere she will come to you. Time for you to put your price up. If she approaches just agree to whatever she asks you


    cosmicdust
    Participant
    November 10, 2016 at 8:55 am #116950

    I don’t think things have gotten far enough for that stuff.

    Did you get the idea that I wasn’t emotionally connecting to her?

    Those moves sound pretty aggressive for now don’t you think?


    BlunderBuss
    Participant
    November 10, 2016 at 9:09 pm #117103

    If she’s talked about not feeling comfortable around creepy men, then the physical contact thing doesn’t make much sense. If that’s truly a concern for her she’ll soon think you’re one of them if you try anything too forward. You want to play up your strengths. She seems to think you’re trustworthy. Build on that. Try not too worry about mixed messages. Do you have any mutual friends? You could see what they think. It sounds to me like she likes you, but isn’t crazy about you. I’m sure that hurts a little to read, but all that means is that you need to sell yourself a little more. If she likes you a little, there’s potential for her to one day like you a lot. You have to be what she wants, and it sounds like she wants something relatively casual with someone she can trust. The more she realizes what a great guy you are the more she’ll want to be with you (unless she really doesn’t want a relationship,) and then it can go beyond casual dating. Make sense?


    cosmicdust
    Participant
    November 11, 2016 at 12:34 am #117106

    Thanks, yeah that sounds like what is going on. So you think I should continue as I have been doing things, not doing anything aggressive?

    I have always wondered if it was clear to her that I was interested, but it sounds like she knows and is keeping me kind of at an arm’s length.

    So that’s the balance I have been trying to keep, show interest but not scare her off at the same time.


    cosmicdust
    Participant
    November 11, 2016 at 1:06 am #117107

    Regarding my last post, something I’m unsure of now.

    Tuesday I had asked her out to eat today, but she said she might have plans. Instead of eating with her friends, she left for home to spend her birthday this weekend. Her birthday was actually last weekend but they are celebrating it now.

    Should I text her this weekend to ask about how her birthday celebration is going? I’ve texted her about a couple of things in the past, but just planning to meet and stuff like that.

    Is that something where keeping some distance would be the better option vs putting myself out there more?


    Anonymous
    November 12, 2016 at 8:13 pm #117130

    Girls are so confusing aren’t they? Being that you are younger, there is still an incredible amount of “figuring myself out” kind of feelings. When I was in high school, I was so fickle. I would like a guy for 2 weeks then all of a sudden would lose interest. And flirting is so fun back then! As a lady, getting attention from a guy and having them on the pursuit, feels pretty good! And many girls would flirt to keep the guys “hoping” just so they could keep a guy liking them. It’s quite the game and not an unusual one. Regardless, you have complete control here. You have to decide how you want to be treated and set some standards and don’t waiver from that. So if you feel she is sending you mixed messages and you are confused, what is stopping you from just saying “What’s up? I like you (and it would be nice if you said why you liked her – so you don’t get put in the creepy category) and sometimes I think you like me back and sometimes I don’t. And I’m not going to guess anymore.


    Anonymous
    November 12, 2016 at 8:18 pm #117131
    Reply To: not sure what to think about this girl…

    I would like to hang out and see where it ends up. If this is something you don’t want to do, then cool. I’ll let it go and move on.” Obviously say it in your own way, but why not just ask and clarity instead of placing this constant guessing game and dance trying to figure out how you are supposed to be and what to do. You are acting according how you think she would want you to act….and that means you are not being yourself….it also means you are giving her a lot of power over you. Take your power back, be who you are and hold her accountable to how she treats you! Whatever happens doesn’t matter. What you need to learn how to do is be yourself. Text if you want, don’t text, flirt, don’t flirt…but you do it because it’s what YOU want to do, not what you think she wants. If you scare her off…then you have your answer anyways. But I will tell you that a lady respects strength. She may run, but she won’t forget you being strong. She may end up liking you more because of it.


    Anonymous
    November 12, 2016 at 8:23 pm #117132
    Reply To: not sure what to think about this girl…

    No matter your age, the hardest part about dating is being authentic. Asking the real questions, not playing the guessing game, saying what you think and feel and being exactly who you are. It’s difficult because there is a risk that someone may not like you for exactly who you are. If you play all the games, sure…it can attract more attention, but reality is, if you catch someone by playing the games and not being truly yourself, it doesn’t end up lasting anyways. My very first boyfriend in high school had a massive crush on me for a year! He was always honest with me and never played any games. Because of that, we were amazing friends during that year! Then I started like him and he became my first love. So if it doesn’t work, it completely sucks, but you are resilient and can pick yourself back up and you will like someone else. If it DOES work, then great! She likes you for who you REALLY are! And last but not least, don’t forget she just got out of a relationship! Rebounds are


    Anonymous
    November 12, 2016 at 8:25 pm #117133
    Reply To: not sure what to think about this girl…

    most often just that….a rebound. So your odds will be better if you just back off for awhile and give her some time to adjust. Be her friend and then if something develops down the road, the odds will be more in your favor. Let some other guy be her rebound guy!!! Hope this helps!


    Electricthunder
    Participant
    November 13, 2016 at 2:27 am #117143
    Reply To: not sure what to think about this girl…

    I feeels as though the best course of action would be to ask to go to dinner, but this time no particular reason except to spend time with eachother. If you make it clear that you arent intending to have sex until a while into the relationship, then she should see that and not see you as creepy. If she does, then she there is nothing you couldve done otherwise. It doesnt have to be sushi again, but it could be if you want to be in a familiar setting with her. Try to make sure that you hold the conversation, as to avoid awkward silence. Believe me, it sucks being on a date and having nothing to say. Being yourself is what made her trust you, so try to just act however you normally do, and you should be fine.


    BlunderBuss
    Participant
    November 14, 2016 at 9:06 am #117108

    I think in this particular case that’s a fine plan of attack. Obviously it’s key that she understands that you like her. It sounds to me like she does, but if you’re not sure you could try some (tasteful) flirting and/or very very light physical contact, such as a brief touch on the arm, and see how she responds. It’s difficult to walk this fine line of showing interest while also not coming across too strong, especially with a girl who’s sensitive to that sort of thing. Casually invite her out, or to a party, or whatever you want to do from time to time. Time is on your side. I know much of the internet will tell you otherwise, but if she’s not really looking for a relationship (which isn’t totally clear to me, but it doesn’t seem like she is) she won’t respond well to pressure. Just don’t ever let her forget about you, and she’ll find herself thinking about you more and more. She’ll make her own intentions clear then.
    Good luck.


    BlunderBuss
    Participant
    November 14, 2016 at 9:06 am #117115

    Well, I would be careful not to text her too much without any specific goal beside chatting with her, but I think sending her a text like that would be fine. It really depends on the person. Some might think it’s strange or random; other’s might think it’s sweet. If she knows you like her, she’ll probably fall into the latter category. It’d only really be weird if your intentions are unclear.
    Which is kind of the balance you want to strike in general with a girl that isn’t super into you, or looking for a relationship. Don’t let her forget about you, and she’ll increasingly think of you as a romantic interest, but at the same time, you want to make it clear that you recognize where she’s at right now. If you ever feel like you’re being too aggressive, I suggest you take a step back. From time to time, casually ask her out, or invite her to a party, something like that. The keyword is casually. You want to be a part of her life without looking too invested.

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