Obsessing right now after 3 dates!? Unhealthy. Do I tell her how I feel?

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Obsessing right now after 3 dates!? Unhealthy. Do I tell her how I feel?

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    baker3g
    Participant
    June 18, 2014 at 10:05 pm #55609
    Obsessing right now after 3 dates!? Unhealthy. Do I tell her how I feel?

    I have had the most amazing string of dates I could possibly imagine. Our 1st date was over 9 hrs as we met, bar hopped, held hands, and finally kissed for over an hour. The second date was at a pool hall, approx. the same time/activities. I got to know her even more and it was somehow even better than the 1st. Our last date was incredible. Over the course of 15 hrs we ate, hung out, got hot and heavy (no sex though) and had incredible conversation. I have told her things already that some of my closest friends are unaware of. Without an ounce of hyperbole, I love this woman. Since this realization, fear that I will lose her. She has told me that many of the things she has done with me up to this point, she never does with any other guys (hand holding, pda). But since our last date saturday I’ve had little communication with her. She even canceled sick on a coffee date, although she was sick on saturday and did get me a little ill. I don’t know what to do/how to stop worrying. Advice?


    daniel
    Participant
    June 20, 2014 at 9:18 am #55720

    I’m not sure if this is helpful, but if she told you she does stuff with you that she doesn’t with other guys, and if she spent two consecutive dates, each that long, she likes you. She probably really is sick.


    IronandWine1976
    Participant
    June 20, 2014 at 7:32 pm #55853

    She is either sick or maybe just pulling back a bet. Press on.


    Babsy
    Participant
    June 21, 2014 at 11:12 pm #55866

    She might be a little afraid if she’s never done those things before. Just give her sometime. She might be figuring things out.


    Anonymous
    June 22, 2014 at 12:47 pm #55876

    Hi baker3g,

    I just first want to validate how scary it can be to start to go deeper with someone. I want to challenge your ideals for minute. First, saying that you “love” someone after just meeting them, is really putting her on a pedestal she shouldn’t be on. Having strong feelings is appropriate, but real love….that takes quite a bit of time. Love is something that needs to be earned. Love requires time and experience together, seeing each other in many different environments, under stress, through the best and worst times, through arguments. When you can see her in all of those lights and you STILL feel connected, inspired by her, really love who you are when you are with her, even under all of those conditions, then you can say you love her. Right now is just the honeymoon phase….everything is blissful and she looks perfect to you. You are afraid of losing her because you have no time and experience of her patterns, how she handles stress, how good of a communicator


    Anonymous
    June 22, 2014 at 12:55 pm #55877

    she is when things get uncomfortable for her. I suggest to slow it down and get some perspective. And by the way….I do not mean to slam on the ladies, but the ladies say “I have never done this before with a guy” ALL the time and it’s not really true. In my younger years, I have said the same exact thing. I wanted the guy to feel special and I wanted him to feel special. I’m not saying that she is lying, I just am suspicious of anyone that says that, as it is a common phrase used in the dating world. Aside from that, I suggest to let her go. I’m not saying to stop dating her, but THE BEST way to face your fears are to step into them. You want a woman who is willing to face her fears and walk forward with you because being with you is worth it. If she is not that type, then you gotta let her go. Only time will tell. So get your emotions in check and stay in reality here that you barely know her….she needs to EARN your love over a period of time. I am always a fan


    Anonymous
    June 22, 2014 at 1:02 pm #55878

    of communication. If you have a question, then ask it! If the other person cannot handle it or it turns sour, then you need to know that information. I would personally ask her, what happened? You were very connective and now you are not. Did something change? Did you get scared? Have you changed your mind? Since you guys connected so deeply and told each other things no one else knows, asking questions like these should be simple right? I personally would rather know sooner than later. Sitting around and waiting to see what she will do, whether she will connect or not, is just you waiting around for her to meet your needs. It is YOUR job to meet your needs, so go create the situation where you get the information you need to either move forward or let her go. And what I mean by letting her go, is that when we hold onto something for dear life, we can absolutely suck the life out of it. You need to know and believe on ALL levels that you will be okay without her.


    Anonymous
    June 22, 2014 at 1:05 pm #55879

    That there is another lady out there who can offer you similar and powerful experiences…that she is NOT the only one. If you choose to believe she is the only one, then of course you are going to be terrified of losing her and then you will hold on for dear life and smother her to death! So let her be free! Trust that if it is not her, there is someone else and if it is not her, you will be okay!!! Good luck!


    wvudave82
    Participant
    June 22, 2014 at 5:50 pm #55885

    It seems like things were moving along very quickly and she is a little timid moving forward. Especially if she isn’t used to doing some of the things that you did. Give her some time and see if you could communicate about where you both see things moving forward.


    Youngen
    Participant
    June 22, 2014 at 11:00 pm #55892
    Reply To: Obsessing right now after 3 dates!? Unhealthy. Do I tell her how I feel?

    My opinion is that she really does like you. Its pretty amazing that you two spent that much time together. I would concur with what others have said. She probably is a little out of her comfort zone doing all of these things.