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stevieParticipantNovember 23, 2012 at 11:23 am #17130
I have never done it, but I have a friend who will go home with a guy after meeting him for the first time. It isn’t any of my business, but at times I do get concern for her safety. We went out the other night to a nice club. We had a lot of guys come to our table and within two hours she came up to me and told me she was going home with this one guy. I must admit, even though I have seen her do this before I was shocked. My friend is super attractive and could find a steady boyfriend if she wanted, but this wild side of her just seems to be in her blood.
AnonymousNovember 26, 2012 at 12:04 pm #17203
This is a very common and fascinating phase that women tend to go through in their early 20’s. Some ladies never end up leaving it.
Us ladies have a tendency to discover the power of our sexuality in the early 20’s. This is the time that we don’t have parents giving us curphews and we have full freedom to design and create our experiences without someone telling us otherwise….or at least we are more willing to deal with the consequences.
Alcohol, dance clubs and millions of boys running around with rampid hormones at its peak, make for a great platform to discover yourself. If you understand that women, the core of who we are and what our self-esteem is built off of, is CONNECTION…then you will understand that women tend to use sex as a form of connection. Even if it’s a one night stand…it’s a form of connection with a man. Men obviously do not see it this way, but we do (whether we are aware of it or not). We are built and designed to be the connectors of the world. We even release a hormone called oxytocin when we have sex. It’s the “bonding” hormone. The first 7 years with a man, this hormone is released in our bodies each time we have sex (the 7 years starts over if we find a new guy).
So your friend, like many many ladies out there….are looking for a way to feel valuable through connecting with a guy through sex…because guys are always up for that! It’s an easy way to get a boost for the self-esteem.
I have no idea if this is the case of your friend, but the ladies who have grown up with sexual abuse in their history as well, have a VERY HIGH tendency to use their bodies to get a guy….because that’s what they were taught in the primary years.
This is a very dynamic and layered topic! What I would suggest is for you and your friend go through a self – defense class together. She is putting herself in some very dangerous situations, but that is her choice. Learning self defense is really important to keep her as safe as possible. I would also suggest that any guy she leaves the club with, get his license plate number, his name and phone number. Also make sure that you have her contact you as soon as she is leaving. Have her tell you this in front of the guy. If the guy hears that there is some kind of accountability and someone watching out for her, it can deter him on some level to do anything stupid.
Hopefully these ideas help. And bottom line…she needs to learn that her value is through who she is, not her body. And there are gentleman out there that will see who she is, beyond her body and will want to connect with her. She’s gotta give them a chance for this though. This is a very tough concept to embrace, but one well worth the journey.
Good luck! and Keep her safe!!!
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