Our relationship doesn't make any sense to me. I am left very confused.

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Our relationship doesn't make any sense to me. I am left very confused.

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    ucsdsq
    Participant
    August 2, 2014 at 12:11 pm #58721
    Our relationship doesn't make any sense to me. I am left very confused.

    Usually I am a very traditional girl but last year I met this guy who I couldnt resist. We didnt know eachother well and it felt wrong for both of us. He and I also both had emotional baggage, him being in a complicated relationship and me just suffering a break up. But the attraction was there. We ended up hooking up after a short time and he told me it could never happen again. We ended up having sex again and I got the same response. He felt too guilty. I thought that was the end between us because we didnt really know each other well enough to keep hanging out and he wasnt the type of person to invest time in people he wasnt close with. This was awful for me but we have many mutual friends so we saw eachother from time to time for a few months. 2 months later he wants to have sex again but I denied him but we continued to fool around and foreplay. Presently we have been fooling around for about 5 months no sex. The other day I felt ready to have sex and he wasnt, saying…


    ucsdsq
    Participant
    August 2, 2014 at 12:18 pm #58722

    *CONT* saying things like he doesnt want to mislead me, so I told him he cant mislead me if I just want him physically. When I said that he got upset and quote “doesnt want to go down that road again” with me. I took that to mean he’s not attracted to me and wants to be friends.. which is odd cause he never wanted to be friends before. After that we hang out a few times and he doesnt touch me at all. the more we hang out the more and more he pulls away from sexual stuff and the more he flirts with me. He was never flirtatious before. Yesterday he calls me, tells me he’s outside. He comes with his brother. We chilling and I’m making him a sandwich and he comes in the kitchen and just starts to ..get physical.. So now I know for sure the attraction hasnt left. So what gives? Is he trying to take things slow with me.. is he confused? What is his deal.. is either he likes me or not.. no? I went from seeing him like 3 times a month to 2/3 times a week but sexually we are digressing


    hopeful
    Participant
    August 3, 2014 at 5:39 pm #58740

    Hello, from an objective point of view, it sounds like the following.
    1. Guy has history of primarily sexual relationship with someone he fell in love with and later broke his heart.
    2. He is very attracted to you and has trouble resisting his physical urges.
    3. His behavior of taking things slow shows that he also values forming a meaningful relationship with you that is beyond physical and is cautious to get hurt again.

    My advice is to assure him that things can be taken slow if he so wishes or you both can give into your natural chemistry and enjoy each other. But flip flopping from casual to serious and back again is making you confused as to where the relationship stands. Relationships are meant to grow or dwindle to find a mutual understanding. While i believe i understand his actions, it’s still not fair to you to be kept in limbo. Try to have a real date and explore both of your insecurities.


    ucsdsq
    Participant
    August 4, 2014 at 8:48 am #58723

    Also, if I mean nothing to him then why have we been going through this up and down crap for almost a year.. And we have never expressed having feelings for eachother. If I ask him anything he doesnt wanna talk about it, and he thinks nothing of the odd occurrences between us.


    ucsdsq
    Participant
    August 6, 2014 at 10:38 pm #58964

    So here’s an update
    On monday I went to smoke with him during his lunch break at work. He kept saying things like it was so quick and made up an excuse for him to go home to get something. When we got there it didnt seem like there was anything he needed but on our drive back he said he forgot his headphones and that’s what we came for lol. cute right?
    Then later that day I went to chill with some friends and he was there. I gave him a ride home and then he wanted to hook up. Two weeks ago we couldnt but there he wanted to..
    I also don’t know what to think cause right before he entered me he started telling me this is the last time, and that I need to find someone else to have sex with and he kept asking me who I had sex with for the year. We both know it was a mutual friend but we never spoke about it and its an unspoken thing between us. I’m not sure if thats just to play mind games or what.
    The next day he was really weird, switching between nice and total asshole. please help


    shadowofico
    Participant
    August 7, 2014 at 11:18 am #58968

    is he bipolar??


    ucsdsq
    Participant
    August 10, 2014 at 9:55 am #59107

    I wish more people would be able to help 🙁
    Our relationship over the past 10 months has gone from super flirtatious and interested, then when we had sex it flopped because he realised he cared about this other girl.. then after that we stop communicating and basically stopped being friends. Then he just came back into my life within a couple months and I was under the impression that it was a strictly physical thing between us. We were practically using eachother for five month. Now all of a sudden out of the blue he wants to quit the sex and just hang out. Then out of the blue he wants to hook up, saying it cant happen again after that.. Like what gives? All I was looking for out of this was sex and I feel like I have to put in work to achieve this.. I’m afraid of catching feels for someone so unstable and uncommitted because of how traditional I grew up. I know he’s hard to tie down but if he’s so interested then I need to step up my game on catching him for good.