Paralyzed with anxiety about asking her out

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Paralyzed with anxiety about asking her out

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    PaulKrueger23
    Participant
    February 4, 2017 at 12:48 pm #125724
    Paralyzed with anxiety about asking her out

    There’s a young woman I’ve really liked for a long time now (since 2011) and she’s finally single. So now that she’s single (and she’s now at a new job), the only real contact I have with her is to message her through Facebook. I’d love to ask her to coffee or something to break the ice, but I’m anxious about that for many reasons:

    1. She’s a beauty and probably out of my league (I’m not ugly, but I fear she may think she can do better).
    2. It’d be pretty random and odd to suddenly message her and ask her to coffee or whatever the case.
    3. I fear the embarrassment of rejection (it’s hard to imagine getting a positive response.
    4. She is friends with many of my co-workers…These friends of hers are known to be stuck up and rather rude. I know women (and people in general) share things with friends and I’m scared of the judgement which would result (and believe me, these friends of her would judge me and laugh at me for trying).

    5. Her sister is also my co-worker.


    Toaofjk123
    Participant
    February 4, 2017 at 7:32 pm #125731

    Give it a shot. U’ll never know wat could or can happen. Maybe she’ll surprise u.


    406beau
    Participant
    February 10, 2017 at 12:37 pm #126464

    Worst case scenario she says no, if you don’t ask the results are not any better.

    Sue315
    Sue315
    Participant
    February 10, 2017 at 12:45 pm #126474

    Just do it!!!

    F1end
    F1end
    Participant
    February 10, 2017 at 4:16 pm #126521

    The problem here is that you are sort of practicing within your social circle. And therefore, you are worried about comebacks.

    To answer your questions:

    1. Nope. You are judging her by men’s standards. You lose nothing by trying (social-circle not withstanding).

    2. No it wouldn’t. If you are messaging her at all, then that is the purpose. You need to learn some game. I suggest a google search of “text-game”. Your messages should be flirty and fun, building up to asking her out. That’s the point.

    3. We all do. If you aren’t getting rejected often, then you aren’t trying – is my opinion. It’s a natural part of the process.

    4. The reason for your insecurity is that you are relying on your social circle for options. That causes big problems. You need to learn how to cultivate options outside of that. Social circle isn’t really somewhere to practice and make mistakes.

    5. Is she hot too?

    My suggestion is that you leave it, and start learning to play outside of your social circles.

    richiro
    richiro
    Participant
    February 12, 2017 at 1:29 pm #126602

    so everything you said was true – it would be weird, creepy, abrupt, etc.

    success in dating/relatinships is really predetermined. let me give you an example. of course to do well on a final exam you must perform well during the final exam. but you’re performance is really pre-determined by how well you studied and picked up the material throughout the quarter up until final exam day… see?

    you can apply this concept to any facet of life – including dating/relationships. if you build a great life outside of dating/relationships, then you will find that quality people will migrate into your life – including quality gals. and when quality meets quality – chances of success are good. if you have baggage, you’l attract somebody with baggage – and 2 people with baggage don’t have high chances for success (nor would you want it).

    people don’t chase or date others that have baggage. they chase people doing well and having a ball that don’t need dates to be “somebody.”

    • This reply was modified 8 months ago by richiro richiro.
    richiro
    richiro
    Participant
    February 12, 2017 at 1:35 pm #126605

    “so what do i do then”?

    don’t worry about this gal too much for now, put her on the back-burner but don’t forget about her – but don’t DWELL on her either.

    realize that nearly every moment in life is an opportunity you could meet somebody and hit it off. So open your mind to the fact that you could meet a gal ANY TIME, any where. no more tunnel vision.

    make a habit of just talking, learning how to keep conversations going, and engage a girl to talk and getting her engaged into you. making a comment about something specific about her (rather than normal small talk) is a good way to goose her brain and make her answer back. “hey.. i love that watch you have on.. where did you find it?” and get them talking bout them or the thing you noticed about them – or notice about what’s around you. just talk – and get them to talk.

    once you build confidence doing that at some point you’ll feel confident enough to ask for phone #’s, ask people out, etc. – it will build up naturally


    yesme
    Participant
    February 22, 2017 at 6:29 pm #127892

    You should just tell her because you never know what will happen till it happens just go for it because if you don’t then you will keep thinking about it and it will give you a hard time enjoying your life . The worse that can happen is she saying no .. if she says no then find some other girl ..because she may not be the right one !


    anon108
    Participant
    February 22, 2017 at 8:55 pm #127897

    Try it

    surgio59
    surgio59
    Participant
    February 23, 2017 at 12:22 pm #127978
    Reply To: Paralyzed with anxiety about asking her out

    Go for it, you can do it


    exff22
    Participant
    February 23, 2017 at 12:31 pm #127982
    Reply To: Paralyzed with anxiety about asking her out

    Nobody…..is out of any guys league. Go for it. Lot’s of fish in the sea.


    person123
    Participant
    February 24, 2017 at 5:24 pm #128292
    Reply To: Paralyzed with anxiety about asking her out

    I’d say go ahead and give it a shot. Take it slow, and ease into the conversation. Start things off with a simple “hello” or whatever you normally do to start conversations with her, let the conversation warm up and let her get comfortable and then slip in the question, however you’d like to phrase it. If she rejects you, then you can always try again at a later time, but don’t do it at dates close to one another. Wait a few months if she says no and see if things change