Philandering BF

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Philandering BF

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
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    spurslover
    spurslover
    Participant
    June 26, 2015 at 1:48 am #81623
    Philandering BF

    Dear all,

    This is going to be one long thread!
    I think all I need right now is to flush all of these negative, sad emotions out. I know the answers to my questions, and although I try to be as realistic as I possibly can, it still hurts.

    I met my boyfriend on tinder 7 months ago. Not very long into dating, I discovered that I was a rebound girl; he broke up with his ex girlfriend 4 weeks before swiping right to me on tinder. Although I tried to walk away, there were a number of events that kept me from doing so. First, finding myself pregnant merely 3 weeks into dating. Yeah, people are allowed to judge me for making such mistake mothers warn their daughters about. It was such a mess. I’ve decided to go forward with a medical abortion and was seriously contemplating about walking away even more than before. But I got hooked. He became my friend, my confidant, my playstation company and oh, such a great sexual partner.

    spurslover
    spurslover
    Participant
    June 26, 2015 at 1:49 am #81624

    But I knew from the very beginning, despite being affectionate, wanting to spend every second with me, deep within him, he wasn’t emotionally available. Whenever I’m not around his place to spend the weekend, or when I had to work out of town, I always find him on tinder, actively looking for new people. I confronted him a few times about this, especially when I felt that I was ready to let go and move on from him. We would have the talk, and he would give me a bunch of reasons like he was just looking for new people to go diving with, for instance. And living in Saudi Arabia (oh yes!) having no means whatsoever to fun activities except for the mentioned, I was expected to understand and to accept his argument and reason. Plus, I don’t dive. Sea creatures petrifies me.

    But I knew that that wasn’t exactly the case.

    spurslover
    spurslover
    Participant
    June 26, 2015 at 8:19 am #81625

    I’ve been struggling with self esteem and insecurities since my last relationship. I was in a long term relationship of 5 years when one day, it all came to an abrupt end. I have been seeking for answers and asking questions about what went wrong, and was it me, and questions like, what could I’ve done differently. It gradually brought me to a stage where I was not interested in meeting new people anymore. I was afraid and I felt like I would never be enough for anyone. Because I thought, I have given my best to my then boyfriend, and if I were to meet a new person and have given the same; MY VERY BEST, it would have never worked anyway.

    But after being out of the dating pool for 3 years, I finally said yes to the pesters and (caring) nags of my friends to try online dating. Well, especially living in Saudi Arabia, we don’t really get to meet people as normally as we would not being in the country.

    spurslover
    spurslover
    Participant
    June 26, 2015 at 8:19 am #81626

    So, having kept in mind that I was still struggling from all of these insecurities, I shrugged off what supposed to be a more acceptable and simpler explanation about my boyfriend swiping activities on tinder – that he was still looking! And decided to trust him. I thought perhaps I should trust him more. Trust MYSELF more.

    But he kept looking for ‘diving buddies’.

    One day, 4 months into dating, we had a major fight about this very matter. He promised to keep away from all of these dating apps. And well, he did. For 3 weeks. I tried to accept that perhaps he is trying his very best. I also tried to understand that men take time to commit. Well, at least that’s what I thought. I decided to give him time.

    spurslover
    spurslover
    Participant
    June 26, 2015 at 8:19 am #81627

    Spring break came, and he had some time off school to travel out of the country. He traveled to Asia and guess what? He was back on tinder as soon as he stepped foot at his’ destination. I was devastated, feeling betrayed and completely broken as I understood very well, me not being able to be by his’ side just spending the holiday in a nice tropical country would only mean that he would be looking for available hookups around him. To make the story shorter though, he got into some sort of trouble that required me to help him financially. I bailed him out, regardless of all the hurt from being cheated on. I got him on the next flight home because I realized, that despite of all of his shortcomings, he was still my friend.

    He has not been on tinder since then. That was 3 months ago today.

    spurslover
    spurslover
    Participant
    June 26, 2015 at 8:19 am #81628

    He has just left the country last night to spend the summer back home in North America. Guess what? He is back on tinder after addressing me as ‘honey’, telling me that he’s reached home safe and sound and that he misses me!

    I don’t totally understand this but I think I have the answers. It only means that I am not enough for him, isn’t it? It means that I will never be enough for him. It only means that, isn’t it?


    Anonymous
    June 30, 2015 at 6:28 pm #81788

    i think you need to let him go because he is using you. he has no intent to commit to you and knows that when he needs something he can call on you and you will do it. he wont stop with tinder no matter how many times you tell him. this is a situation where you need to accept and move on. its time to let him go. he will keep trying to reel you in because he knows he can. you need to become stronger and put yourself first. gain some dignity and press on as hard as it is. you deserve alot more than someone thats going to lie to you and cheat. but before you can find that special someone you need to get rid of all the garbage of your past. start by losing this guy’s digits. you’ve been through alot and right now it sounds like you need some time for self healing to deal with everything that you’ve been through. you’re not giving yourself some time and space. once you clear your head you’ll become stronger