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lovequestionParticipantOctober 31, 2017 at 3:19 pm #154619
Hello. I have been with my girlfriend for three years. I love her. She is my best friend. We have a great time together. I also deeply care about her and want to make sure she is happy and safe. However, I simple have very little physical attraction to her. In the beginning, I had just a little, but not much then either. So, why did I date her? I guess I am an idealist. She is good to me and I like to think physical attraction is the most important thing since we will both get older someday. However, I do have physical attraction towards other girls. It is just a natural attraction, it doesn’t mean I am cheating.
Now, I’m at the point where I need to either break up or marry her. I can’t keep her waiting. But, I feel like I am staying with her out of guilt. I know there is no physical attraction, but I care deeply for her. I want to protect her and hate the idea of breaking up.
Any suggestions on what I should do would be greatly appreciated.
Datingin2017ParticipantOctober 31, 2017 at 8:06 pm #154633
I was going through the same thing but i couldn’t keep doing it after 3 months and i had to tell her, i was hard for me to break her heart but i think it is better it is still better to misleade her for a longer time because it would have been harder i also knew if i stayed with her i may get used to being with her but i will not get attracted to her since that didn’t happen at the beginning.
At the end of the day it is still your call, Good luck to you
Krc17012ParticipantNovember 1, 2017 at 2:59 pm #154689
Sounds like you’d be better off as good sincere friends in the long run… if I was in your position that’s how I would feel. Good luck!
triathlete777ParticipantNovember 1, 2017 at 5:08 pm #154738
You need to break up with her or you will always be unhappy and wonder what could have been if you’d held out for the right woman. Life is too short to be with someone you’re not attracted to. You’ll be doing her a favor as well.
LeoParticipantNovember 2, 2017 at 1:32 pm #154830
Let her go….tell her hey things are great as friends however I don’t think moving forward is a good idea just not feeling it.
That_GuyParticipantNovember 4, 2017 at 5:34 pm #155087
Unfortunately I agree with everyone else. You should break things with her and try to befriend her. I feel that sex is really important in a long-term relationship (if you marry her) and if you aren’t attracted to her now you won’t as you both get older. “Don’t cling to a mistake because you spent a long time making it.”
ShootnstarParticipantNovember 4, 2017 at 11:05 pm #155089
If you’re just staying with her out of guilt, then you’re not considering your happiness. Don’t just pretend the feelings are there for her sake. It seems like you both would be better off if the relationship ended.
AquaticusParticipantNovember 5, 2017 at 4:55 pm #155114
Yeah, I agree with everyone else as well. Staying with her out of guilt is not a healthy relationship towards yourself. You need to find happiness! I have a friend who is in the same boat as you but refuses to break up with his girlfriend. It sucks cause I can see how negatively his life is being impacted. It’s your call in the end my dude. If you are able to rekindle that spark then great! if not, then it may be time to move on.
ThetoadParticipantNovember 12, 2017 at 5:25 pm #155932
If you’re contemplating relationships, even just sexual ones, with other people, you need to do right by the person you care about and let them go.
Bakahboo28ParticipantNovember 13, 2017 at 9:08 am #155970
You need to let her go but don’t tell her it’s because there is no physical attraction.
missmarisParticipantNovember 13, 2017 at 10:15 am #155945
It is difficult I know. But physical attraction is important and a fundamental aspect. You cant just be with her because she is kind and lovely and your best friend. You have to want her, yearn for her and have that chemistry. Love isn’t enough. It has to be everything. Mental, spiritual, emotional and physical connection. You cant marry someone and commit to her if you don’t have that pull to her. It isn’t fair on both of you. Talk to her and don’t waste her time, or yours. It is hard, very hard but you will hurt yourself more in the end if you let it go on.
datinglolaParticipantNovember 17, 2017 at 4:28 pm #156845
In addition to what everyone else said, you will grow to resent her, the relationship and yourself if you don’t follow what it truly in your heart. Also, you not doing her any favours by letting her live a lie and preventing her from finding someone who will be 100% into her.
broadskyParticipantNovember 19, 2017 at 5:19 pm #156915
I agree with others on not staying in the relationship just for guilt. I am in a similar situation (albeit somewhat different…). Also I feel some more important questions are, why do you feel no physical attraction? Is it due to sexual incompatibility (e.g., prefer different things in bed, etc.), physical shape (perhaps this may be something that can be worked on with e.g., more exercise getting in shape, etc.), or just in general lack of physical attraction due to the type of girls you are physically attracted to (which is perfectly normal and nothing to feel bad about…) The first two is something that I feel could be worked on with communication, the third one may be more difficult and perhaps better to let go of the relationship then… ofcourse I know this is much easier to say… relationships are difficult things :-/
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