Please help

DATING ADVICE FORUM

Please help

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    daniel
    Participant
    April 26, 2014 at 12:08 am #51826
    Please help

    So, I spent the majority of the day yesterday with a girl who I’m pretty sure likes me, and whom I like. But, 12 hours later, I still hadn’t kissed her and we went our separate ways.
    I feel really frustrated because I’m 21 and have never had a girlfriend or even kissed a girl before. I was homeschooled, so missed out on learning the ropes of dating that most people seem to learn in high school.

    So I guess I’m wondering, if I think a girl likes me, how do I “make a move”? How do I make the atmosphere more sexual/romantic and not just platonic? How do I start touching her, and escalate from no contact, to a kiss?

    Any advice at all would be awesome.

    Daniel


    Thought Cluster
    Participant
    April 27, 2014 at 8:09 pm #51872

    When you get her alone smile, make eye, inch closer and closer, if she does not pull away when you get into her personal space most likely she is ready for you to kiss her. If she kind of pulls away then play it off with a kiss on the cheek and tell you really enjoy her company.

    April 28, 2014 at 8:40 am #51834

    Ask her out to go somehere… a cofee or a bar… or anything . start by asking if she will be free at the end of the day. Go out with her a few times… talk about anything something like.. “so what else do you like doing besides studying?” i dont know pick a subject of conversation. After talking ask her to go somewhere calm where you can be alone with her… i dont know even just sit somewhere.. then you have a lot of ways to the first contact. while speaking put your hand over hers… get the reaction.. take the next move.. play a “game”… put music on her hears and kiss her while she is listening… hundreds ways.


    daniel
    Participant
    May 11, 2014 at 9:57 am #52612

    Thanks, you guys. I really appreciate your advice.
    Anonymousunderstander, could you maybe specify some places to get her alone?
    There’s a girl I’ve recently started a language exchange with, and I think she may like me, but we eat at a restaurant, than walk back to the subway where we part company. I feel like I can’t lean over the table at some random point in the conversation to kiss her, or kiss her while walking to the subway.
    Thanks again,
    Daniel

    standardfirstdate
    standardfirstdate
    Participant
    May 11, 2014 at 10:09 pm #52613

    First, if you have not been in this situation before, you dont want to rush it. You could go to fast and blow everything. Think back when you first learned to drive. Your foot was not programmed yet to control the force on the pedal. After you have gained experience you were able to control the gas flow. The same is true with dating, experience will give you that 6th sense. But, i know you are not looking for an answer that says get some experience you are in the fight right now. So how can you create these moments for her to give you signs that are unquestionable. I would recommend going on a date where there is great possibility of physical contact; paintball, bowling, pool, anything that will create competition between yourselves and a lot of high fives and possibly hugs. It is when you get this close that you will be able to tell. Her eyes will meet yours and she may even move forward towards yours. Dont worry if things dont work out there is always another day and another date!


    daniel
    Participant
    May 13, 2014 at 10:16 am #52714

    Thanks for you advice. It’s helpful.
    I think the date idea with physical contact is a good idea.
    Related to this, I’ve read online articles and they stress that a first kiss should be private. But how do I find that on a date, in a social setting? I live in a big city and don’t own a car. Most people don’t, and use the metro system. So I can’t get the “goodnight kiss” when dropping her off at her doorstep. And at a crowded restaurant, or, as you mentioned, a place to play pool, bowling or paintball, there’s no privacy either.
    Any suggestions?


    Deedee
    Participant
    May 15, 2014 at 10:12 am #52922

    I went through this with a guy a few weeks ago we were both to shy to make a move so we. Ended up going on 5 dates in 2 months with no contact I was wondering when he was going to make the first move so I talked to him about it and the next date he made the first move. But making that step should be private I suggest if you invite her over cook her dinner but do it together so you talk more then maybe watch a movie and hold her hand you never know that may show her how you feel and she might make the next step. Good luck


    Anonymous
    May 15, 2014 at 6:46 pm #52968

    Daniel you just have to be yourself, there are some things that comes out naturally like kissing and making love. You can start watching some videos to be able to know the basics, but more likely videos provide you an exaggerated scenario of the things you would want to share. Try asking people you trust, don’t be awkward, the most important thing is to have the confidence every time you are with your date.


    Makeanameup
    Participant
    May 16, 2014 at 4:07 am #52979

    Don’t shy away from your inexperience. Smile, even if nervously. Be honest. Tell her you don’t have a lot of experience and how you feel. It might sound lame but as you get older that truly is the best way to go about it. You don’t need to hide from who you are, especially when you’re attempting to let someone into that.

    Good luck!


    daniel
    Participant
    May 16, 2014 at 7:22 am #52980
    Reply To: Please help

    Thanks everyone. inviting her to my place is a good idea. I know I shouldn’t be ashamed of who I am, even if people act like I’m a kind of freak for it (my inexperience at my age), but sometimes it’s hard.
    Dizzyprincess, I think you’re right, but I’m a little uncertain how I can be myself and also be confident and not awkward, when who I am is a person who is unconfident and awkward.
    Thanks again!

    kevinalexander
    kevinalexander
    Participant
    May 16, 2014 at 2:42 pm #53042
    Reply To: Please help

    Hey Daniel – everything everyone said is spot on. The hardest part about this is trying to explain it over text, when video or in-person coaching is really necessary.

    Breaking the touch barrier in a fun way with High 5’s and Thumb Wars is a great way to start putting touch into the equation. Also, touching her in the safe zones (outer arm and upper back) for 1-2 seconds with eye contact is great.

    But that’s technical. What I want to see you do instead, is to actually be up front and honest with these girls. Which sounds crazy, but trust me, at this stage in your life, you’re NOT ready to romance a girl off her heals. And who cares? You’re only 21. This is what this age is for!

    So be honest with her, “Hey, I’m going to be honest with you, I have no idea when I’m supposed to kiss you or anything like that – I know it’s not the most romantic thing you want to hear, but I’m being honest, cos right now, what I need is a woman in my life who is going to help me work with her.”


    daniel
    Participant
    May 16, 2014 at 9:55 pm #53082
    Reply To: Please help

    Thanks, Kevin. That was helpful advice. I’ll let you know how it goes taking all this advice.

    Nancy
    Nancy
    Participant
    May 17, 2014 at 8:50 pm #53091
    Reply To: Please help

    The main Problem is you are thinking that girls are different creatures !!!
    be yourself with her….act naturally….deal with her with a self confident like you are dealing with one of your friends
    don’t be in hurry for the first kiss
    girls can feel that…..speak from your heart….even when you reach to the kissing phase….-and you will ;)- try to mix the feelings with the Lust…let her feel you are kissing her because of her not because she is a girl…