Preparing for a Relationship

DATING ADVICE FORUM

Preparing for a Relationship

    Author
    Comments
  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
    October 10, 2017 at 10:01 am FORUM ANNOUNCEMENT

    Hey DatingAdvice.com forum readers! Just a quick heads up that a few dating sites are offering a FREE trial to DatingAdvice forum readers. Try it now and meet local singles in just a few minutes! Here are the sites:

    Site Who You'll Meet Today's Deal
    Match.com Casual dating for ages 18-65 Get FREE access
    Elite Singles Educated professionals 25 and older Get FREE access
    AFF.com Hookups, casual encounters Get FREE access

    What are you waiting for? One mouse click could be all that stands between you and your next romance!

    woodj3
    woodj3
    Participant
    January 27, 2017 at 11:05 am #124770
    Preparing for a Relationship

    I’m interested in opinions regarding setting boundaries prior to getting into a serious committed relationship. If it’s important to discuss what each persons opinions are regarding what is and isn’t appropriate.
    I find myself wanting to do this.

    richiro
    richiro
    Participant
    January 27, 2017 at 3:04 pm #124805

    i’ve come to practice setting boundaries from the beginning via your actions and interactions (words also.. but nothing solidifies anything like acdtions). and i tend to set it as we go and as things come up. i think that’s sorat how it should be done instead of not doing that and then sitting down and taling about a laundry list of “70 boundaries i want to set”…

    So how you get this done is up for debate. its very obvious that such an undersatnding be established in a relationship though. what may or may not be established when is also up for debate as to timeliness and appropriateness.

    but my best advice and idea is to, thru your actions, set boundaries should they come up from the get go. that allevaites for sudden, dramatic, out of the blue “discussions” to kill the mood and momentum of a developing relationship

    Hassan
    Hassan
    Participant
    February 13, 2017 at 3:55 am #126626

    Wow i really like that Richiro you sound like a real man but anyway to kill the mood and momentum of a developing relationship


    batt
    Participant
    February 13, 2017 at 8:07 am #126631

    good luck

    F1end
    F1end
    Participant
    February 13, 2017 at 10:05 am #126667

    Personally, I don’t like boundary discussions. I avoid them.

    I really drag out exclusivity, and I observe. You’d be very surprised the things that you see when you do this (if you’ve never done it before).

    If you tell people “no” to something that they want, you generally start to see the real them.

    Then, you observe. My standards are extremely high.

    As for the basic boundaries, such as “don’t have lots of male friends”, or “don’t stay in contact with your ex-boyfriends”, I find this a pointless boundary to enforce.

    My experience is that a sufficiently interested woman will market herself as a great relationship catch to you. You shouldn’t need to tell her such basic good behaviour.

    If you do, she is either low-interest, or low-intelligence. Either is a deal breaker for anything serious.

    richiro
    richiro
    Participant
    February 13, 2017 at 3:25 pm #126769

    setting boundaries isn’t always about TALKING about them. talk is cheap.
    you can set boundaries by your actions and dealing with things as they come up. more “organically” so they say these days.

    it’s not about sitting down for 2 hrs and saying, “okay here’s my boundaries”. Like i said in my original post.. “HOW YOU SET THEM UP” is up for discussion and there are many ways to do it.

    i do it “organically” and thru my actions (and discussion if need be) as they come up and as appropriate. What i DON’T DO is let things go b/c it’s new and then complain about them later when i allowed the early on. That never works.

    F1end
    F1end
    Participant
    February 14, 2017 at 3:45 am #126846

    I agree. There are few things worse than a nagging man.


    sugarhearty
    Participant
    February 14, 2017 at 5:13 pm #126959

    I think it depends on the person. But knowing certain expectations before hand can potentially save some time invested in something that may or may not work.


    sealegs
    Participant
    February 15, 2017 at 3:05 am #126987

    I agree that actions are important and do a lot to set boundaries. I also think its important to address a lot of these topics naturally as they come up. It becomes more of a conversation and less like a negotiation that way, and you are more likely to be honest and candid when neither of you are prepped for discussions about boundaries.

    Formally setting up boundaries and saying you can or can’t do something is just likely to make things too rigid right off the bat, and eventually you will likely have to compromise on some things and that will be easier when you are discussing it naturally. At least I feel like that is easier.


    Mr.J
    Participant
    February 15, 2017 at 3:46 am #126991
    Reply To: Preparing for a Relationship

    Setting boundaries isn`t bad.

    Try to talk with her every night, say all the things that you hate, you like, your plan and goals, and your way to achieve those things.. Like you are exchanging opinions and some sort of goal to achieve.
    Make her see your goal,(even relationship, career, family, finances, everything), and tell her the consequences of this goal. I think your girl can understand you more in that way than than telling her rudely “I dont want this", "I dont want that”, “youre off limits there". "youre off limits to that”.

    If you set boundaries, I guess she might think that you`re a dominant person.

    (Talking every night not means you are just talking seriously every night. You will bore her life with that).

    Sense her mood before talking that things. So she can listen well.. THe same as you.

    F1end
    F1end
    Participant
    February 15, 2017 at 8:06 am #127009
    Reply To: Preparing for a Relationship

    If you set boundaries, I guess she might think that you`re a dominant person.

    Being motivated by fear to control others isn’t dominant. It’s extremely insecure. It is a very negative thing.

    I think it’s important to make that distinction.

    woodj3
    woodj3
    Participant
    February 16, 2017 at 8:00 am #127196
    Reply To: Preparing for a Relationship

    F1end, I think that’s a really good point. Figuring out what this is motivated by is part of the struggle.


    evenmagic
    Participant
    February 23, 2017 at 4:53 am #127918
    Reply To: Preparing for a Relationship

    Good luck