Really Restless. Please Help

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Really Restless. Please Help

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
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    EmotMess
    Participant
    December 12, 2015 at 5:14 am #89986
    Really Restless. Please Help

    Hi,
    So I have been with my bf for more than a year. Currently we are doing long distance as we have moved to different countries for college.
    I am the first girlfriend my bf has ever had, and before college I was the first girl that was a friend. He’s recently become best friends with this girl in college. He’s told me they are very close. I have been in a relationship before, and that relationship ended with the guy leaving me for another chick (& my bf knows this) I was heartbroken then. Now I am becoming insanely paranoid about this chick. I am for sure he doesn’t love her. But i am losing my mind. I am not used to my bf being close to any other girl, and all of a sudden he’s talking a lot to her, he has nicknames for her and cause she’s physically with him they get to do a lot of things together while Im stuck at the other side of the world. I feel pretty restless. But even my bestfriends are guys mostly so I cant complain much. It’s just, idk how to overcome the fear.(continue)


    EmotMess
    Participant
    December 12, 2015 at 5:17 am #89987

    lately i feel like he hasn’t NEEDED me as much as he used to, you know? Like he used to be head over heels for me before. He also used to be very possessive, but now I believe he’s somewhat opening up/changing as a person in a positive way. He’s become a little bit more comfortable with my guy friends, and understands that I might need them around cause he’s not there with me. But I crave for his attention. When he doesn’t reply immediately, I cant help but wonder if he’s talking to her. Now we don’t really have proper conversations, but we are going to meet soon this month, so I’m waiting to see how things are between us. I just..how do i get over this fear? Because eventually if i dont overcome it, the fear will destroy us, destroy me actually. I really love him a lot. Just please, someone help me figure out how to have faith in us and our relationship.


    newtothegame
    Participant
    December 13, 2015 at 11:36 am #90000

    try skype dates?


    conflictedfeelings
    Participant
    December 13, 2015 at 11:03 pm #90007

    You have to learn to trust him. If he has done nothing to lose your trust, then you cannot disrespect his love and loyalty by even mentally accusing him of cheating or assuming that he’s falling out of love with you for his friend. Ultimately, if you can’t trust him, your long distance relationship is built on very unstable ground and is likely to tumble at the hands of your distrust and suspiciousness.


    EmotMess
    Participant
    December 14, 2015 at 9:13 am #90009

    We tried a skype date once, it’s really difficult in my college due to some wifi issues. But after that one time we did, I told him let’s do it once a week at least. And he never approached me about it ever again.

    But why has his behavior changed? I mean he seems to want her all the time.
    idk.
    would it be better to just break it off
    better for him and my mental peaceo r what

    Harry Wilmington
    Harry Wilmington
    Participant
    December 29, 2015 at 10:30 am #90645

    Yeah… he wants the other girl.

    It’s cheating by proximity: you, the girlfriend, are far away. Her, the new girl, lives closer, can see him regularly, and is something he can tangibly feel/touch.

    This is why long-distance relationships are not designed to work. Men fall in love by way of the sensory: holding hands, smelling, staring into a person’s eyes… with long distance, all you can really get is the verbal (or a bit of sight if using Skype) but that’s about it. And, quite honestly, it’s not enough.

    It’s better to break it off, and allow him the freedom he needs to grow in his new environment, which may include dating other women. If you both graduate years from now and decide to reconnect that’s something that could happen, but you can’t realistically expect the relationship to remain intact while you’re both thousands of miles away from each other.