Red Flags??

DATING ADVICE FORUM

Red Flags??

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  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
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    SnowGirl
    Participant
    May 20, 2017 at 3:10 am #137051
    Red Flags??

    I’ve been dating this guy for about 5 months. Overall, he’s a great guy; we get along well and really enjoy each other’s company. I’ve even begun to fall in love with him. Unfortunately, I’ve also begun to realize he’s a bit insecure, which I believe is the reasons for some of his behaviors that have given me pause. One in particular, is that I noticed he tells white lies occasionally (at the moment there are 4 specific incidents I’m thinking of). Maybe more than occasionally, but occasionally is how much I’ve noticed it. I know people might say things at times to preserve someone’s feelings, etc., but he does it to make himself look better to others. I’ve heard him say things to his friends and colleagues that weren’t true. Like that he wasn’t doing something he actually was or was going to go do something he actually wasn’t. Am I over reacting since it’s only been a few times? Is this something to be worried about? It also makes me worry he probably says things to me as well.

    lovie4you
    lovie4you
    Participant
    May 20, 2017 at 5:58 am #137057

    He does sound insecure and I’m sure he tells you white lies also, it sounds like he wants to be better than what he really is instead of just being himself. A little white lie is not really a bad thing but it could affect your relation say for instance if you two have plans and he breaks it off you really won’t know if he is honest with you that is something to watch for. I always say honesty is the best policy.

    Mel4everable
    Mel4everable
    Participant
    May 21, 2017 at 4:29 pm #137085

    Hmmmm I see. Haveyou tried talking to him about it or letting him know that you do know he’s telling lies? Maybe that’s the first step. I do understand where you’re coming from though because I’d also be worried that he’s telling me lies as well or something along that line. I suggest talking to him and see where it goes. I don’t think that you deserve to be lied to though: that’s unacceptable. You may also want to consider asking him if he is comfortable enough with you to just face up and be honest… or is he trying to impress you? You don’t have to get all personal but just give me an idea of the lies.


    Prettyeyez178
    Participant
    May 21, 2017 at 5:09 pm #137092

    I dated a guy for 5 years, and his white lies never stopped and eventually turned into more serious lies. I found out he even cheated on me once and told my best friend about it!


    Batgirl42
    Participant
    May 21, 2017 at 5:15 pm #137093

    In my experience when they are telling lies to make themselves look better there are more lies than you are finding. People usually don’t get caught for their first or second lie. It’s usually once they have started telling many. Unless they are really bad at lying. But I am guessing you figured it out by inconsistencies. Which means there are more that will be uncovered. If he is willing to lie so easily about small stuff that doesn’t matter, imagine how much he is willing to lie about more serious stuff. You are right to be concerned. Try and talk to him about it. Pay attention to his inconsistencies. But honestly you are probably better off walking away before it gets out of hand. The small white lies to look better is what my ex did. He wanted to look go to me (in addition to everyone else) and everything I loved about him turned out to be a lie. Like he lied saying we had things in common, but then didn’t really enjoy it when we did those things together.


    dsw68
    Participant
    May 21, 2017 at 10:32 pm #137112

    If these lies are happening more than “occasionally”, it’s easy for him to make a habit of it and could absolutely develop into much more serious lies… That does call for a cautious approach and I wouldn’t call that overthinking/reacting. Walking away can be very tough, but really need to trust your gut feeling.


    cinimod1
    Participant
    May 22, 2017 at 5:39 am #137140

    Met this Girl online, Travelled 200mile round trip, we both had a really good night she ended up sleeping with me, we didn’t have sex on the first date I wanted to treat her with respect, we departed on good terms she then told me to message her…..so I did then to arrange another date, I then got this message back saying “lol emoji face squinting with tongue out” wtf I thought, does any one have any ideas what she means ( on the whole date I probably spent around £200 ) I take it she laughing at me…..I feel so used, A girls perspective would be appreciated she 42 I’m 39….so I thought she wouldn’t be that immature, she is now ignoring my messages?


    SnowGirl
    Participant
    May 22, 2017 at 9:20 am #137063

    Thank for your reply lovie4you. Once you see someone continue to do dishonest things, it’s always in the back of your head and of course you will always wonder, is he being truthful? My second concern is that also occasionally, he’ll say things that I feel are manipulative. The first couple times it made me feel bad, but then I just learned to ignore it because I wasn’t going to get sucked into him being childish about things. I don’t think he’s a bad person, but he certainly has some behaviors I feel would be damaging to a long term relationship if he didn’t stop.


    SnowGirl
    Participant
    May 22, 2017 at 9:24 am #137064

    Thank you lovie4you for your reply. Once you see someone being continually dishonest, it’s always in the back of your head and whenever he tells me anything, it’s hard not to wonder, is he being truthful with me? My other concern is that also occasionally, he’ll say things that I feel are manipulative. The first couple times it made me feel bad, but then I just learned to ignore it because I wasn’t going to get sucked into him being childish about things. I don’t think he’s a bad guy, but unfortunately, I feel if he doesn’t stop, these behaviors could be damaging to a relationship long-term.


    SnowGirl
    Participant
    May 22, 2017 at 9:25 am #137099

    Have you tried talking to him about it or letting him know that you do know he’s telling lies? You may also want to consider asking him if he is comfortable enough with you to just face up and be honest… or is he trying to impress you? You don’t have to get all personal but just give me an idea of the lies.

    I haven’t tried talking to him about it directly. I have made a comment to him though that I feel like he has to impress everyone and it appears that he can’t just be himself. I don’t know if he’s trying to impress me per say, but again, I don’t know if he’s lied to me of not. Probably. It’s more of that I feel he’s trying to impress other people. Like he was on the phone once with a colleague and he’s like, I’m going to go do this when he really wasn’t. Or like once he wanted me to come somewhere with him, but I told him I didn’t think I could make it and then he kept texting me saying, I lied and said you were coming. It’s like that kind of stuff.


    okgirl1971
    Participant
    May 22, 2017 at 10:25 pm #137310
    Reply To: Red Flags??

    Always go with your gut intuition