Relationship Analysis -Going on 5 mos dating.

DATING ADVICE FORUM

Relationship Analysis -Going on 5 mos dating.

    Author
    Comments
  • Hayley Matthews Hayley Matthews
    DatingAdvice.com
    August 8, 2017 at 10:14 am FORUM ANNOUNCEMENT

    Hey DatingAdvice.com forum readers! Just a quick heads up that a few dating sites are offering a FREE trial to DatingAdvice forum readers. Try it now and meet local singles in just a few minutes! Here are the sites:

    Site Who You'll Meet Today's Deal
    Match.com Casual dating for ages 18-65 Get FREE access
    Elite Singles Educated professionals 25 and older Get FREE access
    AFF.com Hookups, casual encounters Get FREE access

    What are you waiting for? One mouse click could be all that stands between you and your next romance!

    BigTedBear
    BigTedBear
    Participant
    May 21, 2017 at 12:06 pm #137079
    Relationship Analysis -Going on 5 mos dating.

    Shes very loving, affectionate, funny ( maybe a bit too goofy at times), caring. Early on she was late to every date. I mentioned it a few times but she continued to be late. We talking over a hour on avg.. At around the 9th or 10th day things came to a head and i was about to break up w her. We talked and she said she had too much on her plate blah, blah, ( poss Pass Agg/ self sabotage?..I always asked her if 8pm is ok or let her suggest a time are you sure if not we can reschedule or gave her more lead in time. In essence she tried to blame me. Lately ive been going to her place and mostly scheduling dates on her days off. Plan anything in adv is difficult because she is all over the place w work and a fixer upper. She insisted on been exclusive pretty early. I thought be better if we just dated. We talked yesterday and she said she is going to need more time to be weaned into a relationship as she was use to flying solo since her and X pretty much went their sep 90% of the time.

    BigTedBear
    BigTedBear
    Participant
    May 21, 2017 at 12:11 pm #137080

    She also keeps working more hours shell tell me she is off X day and X day. Then she w tell me she picked up more hours. I complained about this a few times and she said she would take some time off. She did do that but now its back to working 60 hour weeks. She literally just text me that she picked up another day next week. After just telling me last night that she had off Wed and Thurs. We only see each other once a week ( sometimes tow but rarely) and maybe only go on a proper date once every 3 weeks or so.

    NISMO1
    NISMO1
    Participant
    May 21, 2017 at 7:19 pm #137100

    I wouldn’t pay much attention to the “being late” part, so long as she is emotionally there when she arrives. Some people, especially women who care about how they look, take a lot of time to get ready. It can mean she wants to impress you.

    The whole “too much on her plate thing,” for which I will assume your assessment is correct about her purposely picking up more and more hours, there can be a few explanations.
    1. She really wants to escape you.
    2. She has money problems, and the extra $$$ is appreciated for her time.
    3. Her employer is understaffed, or feels that she is productive and wants her around as much as possible.
    4. She has a different understanding of what a relationship is.

    If it is the first case, you’re done. I think you know that. If it is the second one, you can either offer yourself to get a job and help out (unless you already have one), or simply help out. If it’s the third, maybe suggest she move on? If it’s $4, talk it out. Which do you suspect it is?

    BigTedBear
    BigTedBear
    Participant
    May 22, 2017 at 9:25 am #137106

    She does spend a lot of $. Her and her kids eat out everyday. She hasnt cooked anything since weve met to my knowledge. The been late i dont think it was her getting ready. I think this was really passive aggr behavior. Once we had a date and then i call her and she tells me shes at the mart. This was about 30 min prior to our mutually agreed time. She said she wouldnt take long. Called her a hour later and she was still there taking her sweet time. I personally think she doesnt know what a relationship is. She was married for 12 years but says the last 10 she basically flew solo 90% of the time. She has dropped hints although not lately that maybe she wasnt ready for a relationship early on. She seems to have a conflict aversion personality so im trying to figure out if these subtle hints is her way of cluing me in. She does claim she loves me and thinks about me all the time. She has got better w been late and other concerns i had.

    BigTedBear
    BigTedBear
    Participant
    May 22, 2017 at 9:41 am #137173

    I think its 2 and 4. She has a bit of a spending problem but lately she has cut back. Also her kids are very wasteful and a bit spoiled. Except her weekend job she doesnt have a set schedule. Technically she is working 3 jobs although one job is only twice a month. She is the med field so these are usually 12 hour shifts. I did talk to her about adding Wed but i usually do it in a way where im not coming off as demanding. So she agreed to give up her Wed as this meant she would of been working 6 12 hour shifts in a row. She still has a minor child and has to keep house n stuff. I feel at times i do have to remind her that she is in relationship, I did agree that i would go to her more often as it is easier on her. However, she has only been to my place once in the past 5 weeks i usually have to initiate us getting together. A acquaintance of mine said i should stop initiating our get togethers and see if she initiates and maybe cut back the time we are on the phone..See how that goes.

    BigTedBear
    BigTedBear
    Participant
    May 22, 2017 at 9:46 am #137136

    I think its a combo of number 2 and 4. More like a spending problem. Also her kids are freaking spoiled and wasteful. They take a bit off a sandwich and dont like it and trash it. We have talked about #4 a few times. She did admit that she is not use to been in a actual relationship. She was married for close to 15 years but the past 7 or 8 years her and X hubby went there separate ways and led separate lives 90% of the time. She even admitted on 1 or 2 occasions that she enjoyed the freedom in a way.. As she seems to have some PA ( pass aggr) tendencies its a fine line when we talk about it. She told me last night she might need more “weaning” in. Funny thing is she pushed for a relationship pretty quickly. Even tho i thought we should take a bit slow. Now that we are in one it actually seems like she wants to take it a bit slow. We are only 5 mos in so im not pushing to much. I just dont want things to stall out…Thanks..